August 19, 2013: 9:45am: Listening to "Deal with the Devil", by Pop Evil

I sit here & listen to this song and some days, I wish it was just like in the movies, you sell your soul for 1 wish from the devil. I'm sure a lot of us would make that deal. If I had 1 wish, I would wish to go back to the day I moved in with Justine, but to also retain my memories of this life gone wrong. She would still be alive and to know that she had her life taken from her, it eats at me inside every day. But what about you, if you could have 1 wish, to do anything your heart desired, what would your wish be? I asked a guy in here and he told me he'd wish for more wishes. Now that's good for him but I'm not greedy. I just want my life back. I have watched people in this prison grow old and give up on life. I don't want to give up, ever, but some days are more discouraging than others. I was watching ESPN, they have a "Make-a-Wish" segment and the kid just wanted to play baseball. His favorite team was the Arizona Cardinals. The team took him to the stadium, playing with him, talked to him, made me feel like he was one of the team. As a man, we are looked down on if we cry. And as a 36 year old man, I had tears in my eyes watching this kid. His 1 dream was coming true and he was so happy, but also knowing that he is going to die from his disease. So I cried for this little kid this morning and knowing my own future, I would gladly give this little kid my years of life. We all have the potential to do good things in life. Let's not waste them. You might only have 1 chance. My little brother Justin, he has had so many chances. And it took awhile for him to finally get his life together, but I thank God every day that he is living a good life. I can't wait to see him, Rachel, and baby Lucy again. She probably forgot me but that's okay, she's just a baby. I was told that my nephew, Ronnie, he is only 14 and he is taller than I am now. I haven't seen him in a few years but I'm told he is 6 feet now and still growing. My sister, her boyfriend and his parents took the kids and went to Disney World in Florida. Upon returning from their trip, they came home to find that their house had been robbed and all of their video games stolen, a lot of their toys, and all I wanted to do was go be there for my little nephews but in here, that's not a reality. In here, we rely so much on the people in our lives who are not in here. Prison is not just physical, it's mentally challenging. My daughter's new social worker wrote to me and she sounds like she wants to help Krista and I hope she does. I asked her if I can write to my daughter, she already feels abandoned and I would love to be in my little girl's life, but so far I haven't gotten a response. I won't give up on her, everyone she knows has already done that, I won't. I don't understand how her mother and her mother's mom don't want her. She's 15, just a baby. This is when little girls need direction, guidance, love. I've grown into a pretty good man, I have plenty of love to give. In prison, when you do something good, or nice, or kind, it's usually frowned upon. Guys will think you're soft and try to take advantage of you. In here, money rules everything. The people who have it are either left alone or at the top of the food chain. The ones who don't, they are the bottom of the food chain. I watch guys pick up old cigarette butts from the ground every day to smoke them. Thank God I quit in 2006. Anyway, my friend in here, Paulie, he has recently developed a very close relationship with his daughter now that she is 19. So I'm going to stay optimistic and believe that I will have the same with Krista when she is a little older.

Now I want to bring this up. Recently, with prisoner and outside support, the FCC voted and ruled that prison phone companies cannot charge $10+ for a single 10 or 15 minute phone call. They have lowered the rates for out of state calls. But let me tell you, if you have someone in prison, do them and yourself, all of us, a huge favor, go on line and register your complaint of the high cost of prison phone calls at: www.fcc.gov.

The issue is referred to as "intrastate calling for prison inmates". The FCC Commissioner is Mrs. Mignon Clyburn. There is nothing fair this. Prison phone companies, who are owned by rich and powerful, they win the contract, but not with the lowest bid. When deciding the contract, the dept. of corrections looks at which one of these companies is going to give us back the most profit. And Global Tel Link gives the PA DOC about half, 45% of all profits in order to hold the contract. This has become so expensive that I cannot even afford to call my mom anymore. To call my mom for 15 minutes, it costs me $5.15. Where on earth does it cost that much to call anyone? The Commissioner of the FCC, Mrs. Mignon Clyburn has asked for public comments on this and then they will decide what to do. In a few states, they made it a law that prisons cannot make any profits on telephone calls. They ruled that it puts an undue hardship on our families. And the state of Pennsylvania claims that it wants us to stay connected to our families but they continue to raise our phone rates, they take away our monthly free envelopes, and they send us to prisons that are 3, 6, 8 hours from our families. How is that helping us stay connected? Prison might have been about change at one time. But not now. Today, it's about punishment and money. We get the worst quality food and medical care that you can imagine. A 25 year old physician's assistant told me last week that he doesn't understand why my back hurts so badly. In 15 years, I have never signed up to see the nurse or doctor, so one would think that when I do, I am serious. Well, I guess that's all for today. I can moan & groan about a lot but what good does it do. I have to write my personal complaint to the FCC Commissioner right now. So please help us out, log on and register a complaint. Just because I'm in prison, it doesn't make it fair that we have to pay 5$+ for a 15 minute phone call. Take care, God bless and ask yourself, what would be your 1 wish? Ciao.