"Courage! It is to live that requires courage, not to die."—Marie Antoinette

02-05-14

Dear Readers,

Howdy! A great variety of things have happened since I last wrote—some highs, many lows, some of which don't matter anymore.

But perhaps I should start with what's most on my mind right now. I received a bit of a shock in the mail today. I got a letter from a former "trick" (in gay parlance, someone you "fooled around with") who freakin' found me on the Internet! Goddamn computers!

Backstory: (Honestly, now that I write some of you, I feel embarrassed to admit some things! Yikes! Whatever). Okay, so I hooked up with this guy whenever we would see each other at a sleazy gay establishment in Houston when we lived there. OMG, he was so freaking hot! What a body! Anyway, years later, I had moved cross country twice and was working at the time in Cleveland for four months, and we again hooked up in a similar sleazy gay establishment there. Admittedly, I don't remember this, he does. I was a "bit" of a slut in Cleveland when I wasn't working. Flash forward a few years and another cross country move and he found me online in Lt, Lauderdale where we both living. Shortly thereafter, I was arrested. According to his letter, his ex-lover was working with my ex and so they followed our case on the news. Lovely.

So, here it is, almost ten years later and out of the blue I receive a letter from this guy who is now back in the Cleveland area. Wow.

On one hand, I'm really embarrassed and ashamed about hearing from someone from my past. I really do wish I could crawl into a hole and die. On the other hand, I am really touched that he wrote. Double wow. The return letter is gonna be rough.

In other news, I learned a week or so ago that my appeal to fight a couple "shots" (incident reports) was turned down by the Court of Appeals. I received one shot for helping a blind man with his email and was accused of using his account—although the BOP provided me no proof of any emails or anything connected to me, because there was none. I was only helping him. For that, I lost two weeks of "good time" (so my prison time is extended). All for helping a blind man with his email.

The second shot is for when I was squatting in a hall when I was sick, waiting for an institution "move" to leave. A CO, who was harassing me, ordered me to stand and later claimed that I was blocking the hallway—even though there were walkers and wheelchairs next to me that took up more space. His "shot" claimed that I told him no and therefor refused to obey on order. He lied. I stood and was able to provide the court a witness statement to support me. For that I lost another two weeks of good time.

Both shots were bullshit and I lost a month out of my life because of them. Then, naturally, the court system really doesn't give a shit about prisoners and will back the BOP no matter what. There is no justice in America.

Love and blessings,
Kelly