Reply ID: brpb

July 30, 2014: 3:00pm Listening to: Knockin on Heavens Door By: Bob Dylan

Hi, I received 3 blog post comments that you left and I would like to respond. I'm not sure that I was scared straight. I think it's the fact that my conscience and my compassion have fully developed and evolved. I was not a good person when I was a teenager/young adult. My own personal tragedies in life have helped me develop the conscience and compassion that I needed from birth. I think that with my daughter, she has no family near her and just having someone she can call, my Dad, is beneficial to her. She knows that every birthday and Christmas I do my best to get friends and family to buy her presents. SUre it's just physical possessions but in life, we tend to cherish certain possessions. And I hope that this has a positive effect on her. You asked how does one gain love for someone when I have never been there; she's my child. I loved her the moment I hugged her. I didn't meet Krista until she was almost 8 years old. And I felt the love in my heart for her the moment I grabbed her in my arms and hugged her. And since that day, I have done whatever I can do for her. Even if it's just sending her a letter every week encouraging her to do good or try harder or just to talk. I'm more of a friend to her than a father but I will gladly accept any role in her life that I am able to, just as long as I can continue to try to help her. As for my sister Ann, she says that she is just busy and will write me and attempt to form a family tie with me but I won't hold my breath. I have grown very close to my sister Jenn and I am very thankful for it. I don't want my daughter to have a life like mine so I will continue to encourage her and help her in any way I can. I would love to see her go to college. When it comes to family, I was taught that you forgive. You have a bond and you do what's necessary for family. You yourself had a pretty rough childhood but you made yourself a successful life and that's what I want for Krista. But emotionally, she is not as strong as most people. She thinks she is less of a person, she thinks that because no family is there to love her then she isn't worth being loved. And she's just a kid, a 16 year old child who doesn't deserve this. I won't lie to her or hide things from her. And all I want is to help. It is a possibility that she might succeed in life simply because I am not there. I don't care about the reasons, I just want her to succeed life, live a happy life, no more being hurt. You were never able to forgive your mom and I'd be a liar if I said I easily forgave people. forgiveness is very hard. The more we are hurt, the harder it is to forgive. But you've moved on in life. Youre mom is gone, maybe now is the time to forgive? If it bothers you then you need to find a way.

On another note, if the state's prison system would offer classes like auto repair shop, some sort of training to become a contractor or build houses then sure these skills would benefit prisoners immensely when they get out. But the auto shop here is the same 5-6 guys who are not getting out anytime soon. The guards get the work done, the taxpayers foot the bill basically and it's not run like it should be,a teaching class. I think it would work better if they had a large class for teaching & then hands on actual work on the staff's cars. And I see nothing wrong with that but the average person in prison is not taught any type of trade or job for when released. And that in itself is a major problem. I agree with you, if men & women learned a skill in here, they would have a better chance at finding a job and never returning but the job system in ehre is not very good. As for spending taxpayers' dollars while filing an appeal, what would cost more, filing my appeal or keeping me here for 50 more years at $35-40 +grand per year? (As we age, the cost drastically increases) &, let's face it, the cost only rises each year. PA has not figured out yet how to curb crime or lower recidivism. As for my life being a "free ride", financially it might be but that's about it. I would rather work & do my part then have you work & pay it for me. I understand that I must deal with the horrible choices I made when I was 21 years old but it still doesn't make this any easier. I took a man's life & that's not easy to live with every day. He might have deserved to get beat up but not to die. And the tidal wave of events that followed that day, they shouldn't have happened. What you pay in a month (as does my Dad) I pay for a year and it is definitely not expensive but the money is pure profit that goes to lining a company's pockets and makes politicians who are already rich, even richer. Take my cable profits money & feed the homeless, help someone. But prison is not about helping, it's about warehousing & profits. That's why the cae prison phone calls & commissary bring in over one hundred million dollars each year. Most of my life I didn't care about right or wrong but I have grown to understand the difference. I didn't really always understand the difference. Now I do. Well it is about shower time so I think I'll end this now & await a response. Take care, enjoy your summer & God bless. Ciao.