Transcription
AM I REMORSEFUL?
First off, I want to start off by letting everyone know that I was one of four people who participated in a home invasion robbery. I also want it to be known that it never was my intention for anyone to get hurt. A lot of people have formed their own opinions and have subsequently made the assumption that the tragedy that took place that night was puposeful. I completely accept that what I was doing was wrong and had I not put myself in that situation that things would have possibly went different. But, as I stated in the beginning, I'm only one of four people who are responsible for what took place. I'm also only capable of controlling my own actions, both then and now.
Am I sorry that this happened? Absolutely. A great man lost his life that night and although it wasn't my intention, it know that it was a direct result of my poor choices. I've played it over and over in my head. I've asked myself what if I never went to that house? What if he never got up and started fighting with us? What if he stopped chasing us through the house after the first gun shot? What if I just fought him and he took my gun, would he have shot me? That's all I can do is ask "What If?".
Despite how bad I want to take it all back, there is nothing I can do. So many lives were ruined that night. The Saunders family lost a wonderful man, a father, a son, and a brother. My family has to deal with the consequences of my actions, as well as my co-defendants families.
I was only 22 years old at the time and now I am doing life in the belly of the beast.
But no one cares to look at the other families who lost the people they love. A lot of people ask "Are you remorseful?", "Are you sorry?" and the answer is yes. I'm not only remorseful for Mr. Sanders and the people who loved him, I'm sorry for all the people who are affected by the hurtful choices I made. I can't take it back but hopefully I can be forgiven. If not, that's okay. I personally know how hard it is to forgive someone who hurts you so bad. I'm sorry.
Love
Kiyoshi
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Replies (7)
I read your post, "Am I Remorseful?", and I'm struck by the articulate and expressive way in which you wrote it. Having seen and heard your statements in court and previously while awaiting trial, your sincerity in your current missives are in stark contrast to those times.
Rather than ask you if you're sorry, I'd rather understand what prompted you to write what you did. Or better yet, what (other than incarceration) has changed in your perception of personal responsibility as you reference? Are there programs and services you have now that you have helped you? If so, which ones are most important to you?
Please know I have the utmost respect for what you have expressed and I mean no disrespect by asking these questions. I seek to learn, not condemn. We all, each of us, have to live with the decisions we make.
Keep your chin up,
McSev
troubling at best.