THE CHANGE IS MY ATTITUDE

I believe to properly evaluate an individuals character you have to take his life into perspective as a whole. If you solely focus on one situation or time in my life instead of taking everything into consideration, you can't honestly judge my integrity. All words are insidious in nature, so as I verbalize my emotions, beliefs and position in life you can interpret it in accordance to your own understanding. I can clearly understand how an individual could make negative assumptions pertaining to my behavior within the courtroom. My actions on several occasions were extremely inappropriate and unthoughtful. I'm not going to make an attempt to justify my actions as they were inordinately demeaning. What I do wish to accomplish is to create is a greater understanding of who I am in stead of what I've done. I've clearly made numerous poor decisions in life that have unfortunately hurt a lot of people. As I sat in Pierce County Jail facing life in prison I arguably had to find ways to cope with what I was experiencing. My way of accomplishing that was to turn to anger. I refused to accept responsibility for my actions as I feared the consequences. I turned to anger in an attempt to discount the true turmoil I was experiencing. Unfortunately that anger subsequently reflected my inconsiderate actions. I was selfish and failed to consider how my actions were affecting other people. As time passed I began to lose the things in life I care about.

Prior to this situation, I neglected to understand how valuable things in life can be. It took me to lose almost everything in my life before I was able to truly see the world for what it was. Prior to that point in my life my life I didn't realize how clouded my perception was. Once I was able to come to understanding within myself I was also able to grasp how negatively I had affected s many people. Only then was I able to reconnect with reality and experience true remorse for my actions. It's unfortunate that it took so much loss to gain understanding in my life. I live with the consequences of my actions each and every day. I can apologize over and over yet I can't rewind time. I know what I did and in my heart I'm truly sorry.

Love,
Kiyoshi