"Understanding My Causative Factors of life through Introspection of my self-being"

"EFFECTS OF CAUSATIVE FACTORS"

Conscious State

As a brokenhearted boy, listening to the moaning of pain of my own heart. I felt the devastation inflicted upon my psyche through broken love. In my carnal mind, I subjected myself to a inward disposition. A battle I couldn't win due to the reoccurrence of a defeated spirit.
In my illness of destructive patterns of thoughts and actions; of chastening myself for self indulce pain. I subjected other people to the evil and sinful responses of a weak, hurt inner boy. I choose to destroy everything with my mental illness of blaming others and personal circumstances I brought upon myself as a challenge in my troublesome suffering.
Today, nothing will off-set me from being the conqueror now that I discovered the great value of my own life, as well as of the lives of others. I've come to believe a lack of knowledge, lack of appreciation for my own life resulted in shameful acts which brings terrible consequences.

Emotional State

The craving to be loved is complicated. Though it is not mere selfishness, it was selfishly indulged. I should be growing in my awareness that my whole being is one vast need, incomplete, preparatory, empty yet cluttered, and crying out. I understand, however, that personal obsorption with my own needs is an unhealthy emotional wreak.
My emotions begun its demonic turn the moment I started to resent my own ideas of love within my confrontation that fueled my need. Nothing kept me in control but failure in destruction, in all areas of my life.
ALL who offended me, who hurt and wounded me deeply, even those not directly involved receive my immature impulsivity of abuse.
A great part of maturity is discipline and choosing to surrender my will in every disfunctional area of my life to gain self control.