Topic: Presidential compaign
Type: Satire/Essay
*WARNING: Adult Content*

Who Should Be Our Next President?
created 9.Feb.2016

When we consider this, I non-humbly suggest that we start by asking one simple question: Who would suck a dick to get elected?
Sissies can stop reading now.
For the rest of you, here's how I see the relevant candidates would respond to that indecent proposal:

Hillary Clinton-she's make Monica Lewinsky look like a lil' old broken Dirt Devil to her Dysson upright, not just because she owes Boner Bill a get back!(And not a drop would land on her dress).

Bernie Sanders-despite his position on gay marriage, I can't see Bernie going down to captain America's ship. One reason I like him.

Marco Rubio-with his coy altar-boy looks....He might need some sweet talking, need to hear how pretty his mouth is, but he won't say "No."

Ted Cruz-he already looks like a drag queen with a dick-itchy cooch!Despite the Bible's prohibition on "man laying with a man as a man lays with a woman," Cruz would at least offer a handy J, then ask for forgiveness afterwards.

Donald Trump- I pity the dick! Trump would cuss it out so fierce that it'd suck up into its gut. "you call that a dick?! Look how small it is! That dick was made in China, wasn't it!? When I'm president, your dicks won't be taking blow jobs From American dicks! We'll have the biggest, hardest dicks in America that the world's ever seen! I'll make America's dicks great again!" (Then we can piss on ISIS!)

Jeb Bush-yeah, he's ridiculously unviable, but I can't pass up the chance to ridicule him some more. Jeb's already sucking dick: his dad's, his brother's, and, the biggest dick in his family, his mother's (speaking of drag queens...). It's establishment douches like him that are blowing up Trump's campaign!
The guy's softer than the Pillsbury Dough Boy!
The only two viable candidates who aren't dick suckers are Bernie Sanders & Donald Trump, and the electorate knows that+ that's why they are running to them! I'm one of many who'd like to see either Bernie or Trump- who are at opposite ends of the political spectrum-win, just out of contempt for dick suckers,(Excluding girls:D)
Just because I'm a prisoner doesn't automatically make me a Democrat. It was a fiscally conservative governor who pulled the trough from WI's prison guard union, a union that owns Wisconsin Democrats+ seeks excessive imprisonment in order to justify more guards to get more union fees.
Bernie isn't deep-throating prison-guard unions, and he's for humane, sensible reform of the criminal justice system.
Yet I know- and so do you dear, stalwart reader- that Bernie will not receive the respect from foreign leaders that Trump will, because Bernie's a pacifist.
Unlike Trump, not once has Bernie raved or even ranted about going hard on ISIS.
Sure, leaders of more civilized nations (e.g England) would give Bernie some respect, but Russian& N. korea would whip their dicks out on him. Not so Trump. Putin ignored Obama at their last summit, but has already said that he respects Trump. That respect is essential to discourage Putin's land grabs and Kim Jong Ding Dong's fireworks, as well as to gain co-operation against ISIS. Trump would be the only world leader with a fiercer hairdo than Ding Dong's, which alone will put fear into would-be foes;
No one with any sense wants a bitch representing them. Trump's the ballsiest of the bunch& not an ideological nut-suck either.