Aug. 4, 2016

comment Response

From Prison Dad by Robert Pezzeca (author's profile)
This post is in reply to comments on:  Guilt, Remorse, Redemption? Is It Possible? thumbnail
Guilt, Remorse, Redemption? Is It Possible?
(April 16, 2016)


Reply ID: wt6x

July 28, 2016, 11:00 AM, watching The View

Dear Rita,

Hi, how are you? I hope good. I received your comments last night.

I had a horrible night. I volunteer in the infirmary. There are about 8 men dying right now. We have horrible medical care in prison, so I help with what I can. Sometimes I read to them, I write letters for them, feed them. I am still not used to changing the diapers, but my mom did it in a nursing home as a LPN for years, so I can do it too.

Well, I am glad you can see the good side of me. I have a horrible woman named Maggie who writes me some really nasty comments. She thinks the state should have murdered me for my crime. She is very hateful.

Well, I know a little of Belgium. I know my favorite tennis player is from there, Justine Henin. A shame she retired. You lived in Ohio, huh. I did for a short time also. My 18 yr old daughter lives in Cleveland. My family in Italy are very fluent in a bunch of languages. They are going to a wedding in Poland so Polish is what they are learning right now. They are my friends but over a decade, I love them as my family.

You are very energetic, huh. I wish I had your energy. But having hobbies and staying busy are very important. Well, I'll tell you what: I haven't written anything in many years, but what I can still find, I will main in and have put on this site. Okay. I probably have 10 or so left. Some are just too inappropriate to put on here. I was a very angry & hurt young man when my Justine was killed & all I could think of was revenge. Can't believe it's been almost 15 years now since she was killed.

Well, San Diego, CA looks like a nice place to live in on TV. But it's good that you still have 1 daughter & 2 grandbabies in Belgium with you. Grandkids need to spend time with their grandparents. I was very close to my nonna until she died in 2006. By the way, please feel free to ask whatever you want to know. My older brother & sister, Dawn & Jeremy, share your new grandson's birthday.

My Italian is horrible. I gave up on learning. Too hard for me to teach myself through books. I thought it would be easy, but I was so wrong. But no big deal. I used to write to a girl for about 10 years in the Netherlands & Dutch would be one hard language to learn without hearing it.

I will end this now so I can add this one poem that I wrote on 5-21-2002. My Justine was murdered on 10/25/01. Take care, enjoy your grandbabies & I look forward to hearing from you. God bless, ciao.

No More Pain
Anger, sadness & misery are what fill my heart
They are the 3 things in my life that can never depart
I've lost so much, there's nothing I can do
I've destroyed everything, now my world is so black, so blue
Forgive me, my family & friends who stuck by me in life
But most of all, please forgive me, Justine, my sweet beautiful wife
I loved you & I destroyed you, for that I cannot forgive
Without you, I'm going to end it all, I don't wanna live
I will be cremated, my ashes scattered upon your grave
Don't be scared, honey. When we are together again, we can both be brave
I pray for cancer, a disease, anything that will end my life
A knife, a razor, a rope, anything to be with my wife
You are my wife, my soulmate, my every-dream-come-true
Together forever, I will never stop loving you
Soon we will be together again and it will not be in vain
When that day comes, I promise you, honey, there will be no more pain.


Replies (7) Replies feed

Rita Posted 4 years, 9 months ago. ✓ Mailed 4 years, 9 months ago   Favorite
hi Robert,

It's late here in Belgium,-I did a siesta though :)- but I read some of your past letters, and little by little I more and more have an insight about your life now.

Let me tell you that death row is barbaric...and life without parole is even so!Everybody not showing a danger for society, needs a second chance.When I see young people locked up for whole their lives, it breaks my heart.People change, there is redemption, consider them always as humans who had tough times, bad luck, ... Consider the real circumstances, make them again ready to rehabilitate,...
I am myself a member of Amnesty International and we see so many cases of injustices!...
Robert, for 13 yrs I write with people on DR and life long prisoners. I had :( and still have the chance to see the good sides of all those men.I built a friendship with them. And I bless the day that I started this.
My fiance is in prison for 49 years!...He was in at the age of 18... and became a very strong man, but after all that time he isn't bitter or broken. He kept strong by making up his mind to be free one day.
He lost his young child as his wife divorced and took the child with her and remarried.Most probably his daughter doesn't even know he is her dad?For 7 yrs he had a small kitten, Corry and he could give all his affection to that little animal.
George is my twin soul and we never would have met without him being that long in jail.He has Parole and can be free. But also he is an activist and changed things,and also worked for the Jaychees (wrongly spelled), like you did.He even obtained a bachelor degree in Science.He is a good man, and deserves to go out and make a better world with his talents, such as you aim to do, Robert:)

Well,keep writing Robert,show people on your blog what happens in prisons... people are entitled to know! :o

Yes, it was a harsh poem, but you were so severely grieving and so much more...

Keep your confidence and I thank you for your comments!

Be blessed

Robert Pezzeca Posted 4 years, 8 months ago.   Favorite
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Rita Posted 4 years, 8 months ago. ✓ Mailed 4 years, 8 months ago   Favorite
hi Robert,

We're September 12th; so you can tell me later how long the message did over it. :)

We've a heatwave here in BE and this is very unusual for this time of year!I guess climates change everywhere these days. By the warming up of our planet.:(
I am sitting here to wait for the skype session of a new friend Milena.She is Bulgarian, but lives in Antwerp(en) where I live. She speaks with a more Dutch accent(as she lived also in Holland), but Flemish is the same language,spoken with another tongue or accent.The Netherlands and BE are neighbors.Holland and THE N. are the same.:)
I probably told you we speak 3 languages in my country, but in THE N.they speak only Dutch.Their second language is English, while ours is rather French.
This Milena speaks 7 languages!
Well, I can tell she doesn't show up...:o I had to write a French letter to her landlord.I am babysitting right now for Lynn, 2yrs and 7 months and next I pick up Lars(a boy), 7 months in the childcare.
Those in America, San Diego are doing great in school!Leslie, my youngest daughter, sends me pictures now and then.
So we can follow up them.

What's your temperatures like, Robert? Hopefully you can enjoy your brother's visit! I hear you can go outside then?! George can't go outside when I visit.
He got 6 months of segregation!Only for having a socialist activist newsletter!He got it all the time!Plus the mail room gave it to him!!! It's so unfair and unjust..; when I was at my hotel visiting him in June/July I called senators, the governor, the director of Corrections, two lawyers,...
They moved him to a prison where I visited him before. I always visit him the 2 first days with his dad of almost 93yrs.
I got 6 days of 6hrs/day in June and the same in July.
Because he was in seg, I got 2 days of 1 hour in June and 2 in July!!
He was behind thick glass and his hands were not free.How awful! So sad to see my man. :(((
His lawyer Jessica does what she can to shorten his seg. But will it help? He's in seg since the 17th of June!
All I can do is writing letters; he can't even call his d

Rita Posted 4 years, 8 months ago. ✓ Mailed 4 years, 8 months ago   Favorite
... dad for all that time. He keeps optimistic; he's a strong man. Mentally and physically.He keeps busy with reading, studying (French and chess), playing chess with many opponents and writing articles.
They feed him well, as there are old friends in the kitchen who know his activist struggle for them.(!) He met friends he had there in that prison as well.He has a special dish, as he doesn't eat meat nor fish.

Well Robert, there are people who do care for prisoners; those who have people in there and those who claim justice in general.People who have a heart and humanity.
How is it possible that men don't care and see your special circumstances?All you need is being transferred, and yet... It is a real shame!

Oh, I see I have to wake up Lynn. She attends preschool, and should have less sleep.I will let her call me and give her a quarter more. ;)
She ate so long and a lot!, since I picked her up at school 10 to 12.
At 3pm I pick up Lars.With his big blue eyes.She has dark brown eyes. I've green eyes.

Yesterday I helped Milena with moving stuff to an art studio. Fatos, an Italian man, helped too.And the 3 of us talked italian! :) My Spanish interfered, haha...

I wish you a lot of energy, optimism... but I realise how hard that must be with your mom fighting for her life, Robert.
Take care!

ciau, Rita


Robert Pezzeca Posted 4 years, 7 months ago.   Favorite
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Maggie Posted 4 years, 7 months ago. ✓ Mailed 4 years, 7 months ago   Favorite
I guess as the holidays come closer, it has to be harder for you. Alone, no real visitors and a family that will soon forget you. These must be issues that weigh heavily on your mind as your poor mom gets sicker and sicker.

I saw your daughters comments. That poor girl has lived a life I would not wish on anyone.

Is there any hope of getting the job in the infirmary? Well, getting it paid that is?

Robert, as God is my witness, I will not forget you. I will continue to write you and let you know that you are remembered out here, even if they move you so far that no one can afford to visit. Would a few dollars in your commissary account help?

I've been speaking with another fellow on the blogs about long term incarceration, and the unfairness of the whole situation. You are still young, and could probably find a job in some menial aspect, but time grows short. If they are going to move forward with relapease of individuals who were convicted prior to the age of 25, I hope it comes soon for you.... Before you know it, you'll be 50. How do you think you would fare personally in the world today? I suppose roofing might still be an option, it probably would not take a lot of relearning of skills to get a job like that.

Robert Pezzeca Posted 4 years, 6 months ago.   Favorite
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