GUILT, REMORSE, REDEMPTION? IS IT POSSIBLE?
APRIL 3, 2016: 9:30am: LISTENING TO: REBIRTHING BY: SKILLET
GOOD MORNING, AS I SIT HERE LISTENING TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHRISTIAN ROCK GROUPS, I AM TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERYONE I HAVE SERIOUSLY WRONGED IN MY LIFE. FOR SOME REASON I HAVE BEGUN FEELING GUILTY. LET ME GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE. I WAS 15, I MET A GIRL FROM QUAKERTOWN, BUT SHE WAS CURRENTLY GOING TO KUTZTOWN UNIVERSITY. HER NAME WAS KIPPY. BEAUTIFUL GIRL, BUT I HAD JUST BEEN RELEASED FROM JUVY AND SHE WAS INTERNING WITH MY PROBATION OFFICER. LONG STORY SHORT, SHE WAS SO SWEET & KIND & HELPFUL TO ME. AT FIRST I THOUGHT SHE WAS ONE OF THOSE COLLEGE CHICKS THAT WANTED A HIGH SCHOOLER, BUT SHE WASN'T. SHE WAS GENUINELY CONCERNED ABOUT ME. LONGER STORY SHORT, I WAS A 15 YR OLD ASSHOLE WHO WAS VERY IGNORANT TO HER AND I PUSHED HER AWAY. I HAD EVERY INTENTION ON INVITING HER TO MY WEDDING BUT THEN I CAME HERE. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO APOLOGIZE TO HER FOR WRONGING HER SO MANY YEARS AGO. IT MIGHT NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO HER BUT IT WILL TO ME. I FEEL GUILTY.
THERE IS ANOTHER, KATHLEEN. WHO WAS A HUGE PART OF MY TEENAGE LIFE FOR SO MANY YEARS, SHE DID NOTHING BUT LOVE ME AND I WRONGED HER AS WELL.
SO WHAT I'VE DECIDED TO DO IS SEEK THE PEOPLE OUT THAT I CAN LOCATE AND APOLOGIZE TO THEM. MAYBE IT'LL HELP ME SLEEP EASIER AT NIGHT, MAYBE NOT, BUT THE GUILT HAS REALLY BEEN BOTHERING ME LATELY.
ANOTHER GREAT SONG BY SKILLET JUST CAME ON, LET GO. BUT THAT'S NOT SOMETHING I HAVE LEARNED HOW TO DO YET SO MAYBE BY SEEKING THE FORGIVENESS OF THOSE I HAVE WRONGED, I WILL LEARN HOW TO LET GO.
I'M LAID UP FOR AWHILE. I WAS HAVING KNEE PROBLEMS & THEN I WENT & COMPLETED THE INSANITY WORKOUT PROGRAM, AND YES I EARNED MY SHIRT, BUT NOW MY KNEE HURTS SO BADLY EVERY STEP I TAKE HURTS. I WENT TO MEDICAL, THEY CHARGED ME $10 (ALMOST A MONTH'S PAY) GAVE ME 2 GENERIC MOTRIN, TOLD ME TO STAY OFF OF IT. THAT'S IT. WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR OBAMACARE.
IT IS FREEZING OUTSIDE TODAY. ONLY 25 DEGREES THIS MORNING, I JUST HAD TO CLOSE MY WINDOW. I LIKE THE SNOW, COLD, BUT WHEN IT'S 20+ MILE AN HOUR WINDS, THAT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH FOR ME.
MY BROTHER JUSTIN WILL TURN 37 ON THE 16TH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BROTHER. HE KNOWS I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS WITHOUT HIM. BABY LUCY JUST TURNED 4 LAST MONTH. SHE IS ADORABLE. MY MOM IS HANGING IN THERE. I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SEE HER SINCE I CAME HERE BUT HOPEFULLY SOON. IT'S EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE HER WHEN SHE IS SO CLOSE. I DO HAVE A HARD TIME DEALING WITH IT.
MY NEIGHBOR BROUGHT ME BACK A FRIED EGG SANDWICH FROM THE KITCHEN. THAT'S A RARE TREAT IN HERE. THE EGGS ARE BOILED OR THEY SERVE POWDERED SCRAMBLED ONES THAT THEY STEAM COOK. I WOULD ONLY EAT THOSE KINDS IF I WAS STARVING. THE FOOD IN HERE IS PRETTY BAD. NOW THEY ARE CUTTING DOWN ON THE AMOUNT OF TOILET PAPER WE CAN GET. IT USED TO BE 2 ROLLS PER WEEK, NOW IT SEEMS LIKE IT WILL GO DOWN TO 1 ROLL PER WEEK. I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK BUT IT'LL BE A STRUGGLE FOR EVERYONE.
I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO BE A FATHER TO MY 18 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER BUT THERE ISN'T A HANDBOOK ON THIS. THEY DO HAVE A PARENTING PROGRAM IN HERE BUT LIFERS CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN IT SO I'M EXCLUDED FROM IT.
I have filed an appeal to the courts a few weeks ago. As a reader, I would like to know what you think. Do you have a brother? Sister? Spouse? Child? Say your dad, mom, sibling or child took someone's life. Let's forget right now about why they did it, do they deserve to die in prison for taking a life? What about if they were just there when someone else took a life? Do they deserve to die in prison for that? I'm just trying to wrap this around my head. Why do some deserve this sentence and some don't? A 14-year-old shoots someone and gets life. A woman murdered and then robbed a disabled man she was hired to care for, she got 15 years. I did not plan my crime, I didn't want it to happen, but it did and I still got life. Why does life mean life? It doesn't mean that in every state. A man, last name Rice, has been in prison for over 40 years. He was a juvenile when his crime happened (murder). The courts just re-sentenced him to time served with life on parole. But this was not good enough for the District Attorney's Office so they are appealing it and asking for him to be re-sentenced to life in prison. But he was a juvenile and that's now against the law. So the D.A.'s Office wants to break the law to suit them. So now it becomes a hypocrisy because the law says they cannot get life in prison, but that's what the District Attorney's Office wants to do. His sentence was overturned by someone higher up who makes better decisions than the D.A.'s Office, but they want the law broken to suit their lust for revenge? Vengeance? Their version of justice? What do you think?
Spring is here. I love this time of the year. I hope everyone can get out and enjoy the new season. What I wouldn't give for something as little as a puppy dog to play with in the warm weather. I have always loved a husky or a malamute. I might have spelled that wrong. Beautiful dogs. My Aunt Cindy is going on a free vacation trip to Jamaica. She truly needs and deserves this. I told her to fall in love,stay there and be happy. But knowing her, she'll return in a week and go back to busting her butt at work.
Hockey is my favorite sport (Go Flyers) but baseball is my 2nd. My team begins tomorrow, Phillies. We'll suck this year so I'm already depressed.
Well with that I will let you return to your lives and stop reading about my boring life. Take care, and think of this, if you could have any 1 adventure in life, what would it be? Mine, I would go on naked and afraid. And the only wilderness skills I have is watching the outdoor survival shows, anyone care to join me on this adventure? God bless, ciao.
PS: Anyone wanting to drop me an e-mail (I'd get it the same day) must go to www.connectnetwork.com
For the girl who used to write me and sign her name, "This Girl Cares," I'd like to know why did you disappear?
Does anyone watch "Hack My Life"? I love hacks.
Pennsylvania Lifers Association
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