A VETERAM'S DAY THANK YOU
NOV.11, 2016 12:30pm: LISTENING TO: SOLDIERS BY: OTHERWISE

TODAY I REMEMBER MY FAMILY, THE MEN WHO FOUGHT FOR OUR COUNTRY IN THE MILITARY. ALL OF THEM ARE GONE NOW BUT I WANT TO THANK THEM, I WANT THE MEN & WOMEN OF THIS NATION WHO HAVE FOUGHT TO KEEP US SAFT. TO KEEP ME, MY FAMILY, MY LOVED ONES ALL SAFE.YOUR COURAGE, YOUR SARIFICES INSPIRE ME. I WAS IN S.C.I HUNTINGDON FOR 11 YEARS. I AM NOT A VET. BUT EACH YEAR I HELPED RUN THE VETERAN'S DAY CELEBRATION AND AWARDS CEREMONY INSIDE THE PRISION AND GOT TO KNOW ALOT OF VETS. THERE ARE THOUSANDS & THOUSANDS OF VETERANS WHO ARE IN PRISON. I CANNOT IMAGIN WHO THE GO TO WAR, FIGHT FOR US, AND RETURN. SO MANY COME TO PRISION AND SADLY, I RECIENTLY LEARNED THAT SO MANY COMMIT SUICIDE. I KILLED A MAN AT 21 YEARS OLD.AND FOR THE 2ND TIME IM MY LIFE, I AM THINKING OF ENDING MY OWN LIFE. I CAN'T WATCH MY DAUGHTER BE HURT BY MEN ANYMORE. I CANT PROTECT HER AND SHE WONT LISTEN TO ME. TO WATCH MY MOM DIE, IT'S KILLING ME INSODE. I'M CATHOLIC, WILL GOD FORGIVE ME? WILL HE MAKE ME BURN IN HELL FOR BING SO WEAK? I'M GOING BEHOND SIMPLE DEPRESSION. PART OF ME IS DEAD INSODE. I DON'T FIND JOY IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE. EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I FIND IN THIS WORLD IS TAKEN AWAY FROM ME SOMEHOW. I'M SORRY THAT MY DEPRESSION IS RUNNING MY VETERANS DAY APPRECIATION.
TO ALL THE VET'S OUT THERE, I THANK YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE, BAVERERY AND FOR BEING SOMEONE THAT I COULD NOT. AN ARMY RECUITER TRIED TO GET ME ENLISTED AT 18 BUT I HAD A BURGLARY ON MY RECORD THAT PREVENTED IT. AND I EXPLAINED THAT I ONLY STOLE BECAUSE AT THE TIME I WAS HOMELESS. BUT I STILL DID IT. I WONDER HOW MY LIFE COULD OF HAVE TURNED OUT IT I HAD BEEN GIVEN A CHANCE. FROM WHAT I SEE, THE MILITARY COULD HAVE MADE ME A BETTER MAN, ONE WHO WOULDM'T BE IN HERE FOR MURDER. FROM THE NUMBERS I SAW, I'M TOLD THAT EVERY VET KNOWS SOMEONE WHO HAS COMMITED SUICIDE. PUTTING PEOPLE IN COMBAT ZONE IS LIKE PRISION IT IS AN UNNATURALENVIORMENT. YOU BECOME DESENSITIZED TO SO MUCH. MY OWN DAUGHTER, DESENSITIZED TO SEX.MY OWN OLDER BROTHER JERRY WHO TOLD ME MY DAUGHTER IS A WHORE WHO ASKED TO BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE DRESSES AND SPEAKS. I HATE MYSELF, I HATE MY LIFE, I HATE WHAT I HAVE DONE, I HATE HOW I HAVE FAILED MY CHILD AND I'M REALLY LOSING HOPE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I WILL EVEN BE DONG THIS BLOG. I JUST DON'T SEE THE POINT. I'M NOT HELPING ANYONE, I AM NOT FIXING ANYTHING, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING POSITIVE. WHEN I STARTED THIS,I WANTED TO DO SO MUCH POSITIVE WITH IT BUT I DON'T THINK I AM. I'LL BE 40 ON NOVEMBER 30AND I DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER 40 YEARS OF THIS LIFE IN ME. I CAN'T DO IT. RIGHT NOW THEY ARE TELLING ME THEY ARE THINKING OF MY SINGLE CELL AND FORCING ME TO LIVE ANOTHER MAN IN A 6x8 FOOT CELL. I'D RATHER DIE. I WONT DO IT.
I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT VETERANS DAY & THE MEN & WOMEN WHO SERVED FEEL THE LOVE & SUPPORT FROM THEIR COMMUNITIES. TAKE CARE & GOD BLESS. CIAO.