I'm sorry to hear that you have had it rough. Even those in the "outside world" can relate to you having this terrible funk for the start of this year. Especially over whatever President Trump and his administration are doing to ruthlessly censor anything opposing their view. So much narrow-mindedness and aggressive denialism going on, it hurts. I can relate. I'm hoping that it's no more than four years of this too.

I hope that this outlet helps you vent and cope in every possible way that it can. Can't keep it bottled up. And know that I absolutely appreciate your honesty. I'll keep transcribing some of your older posts too.

Stay safe in there.

hello Kelly,Hey,head up Kelly,I know you would be a very kind person to someone you love; and I know you've high standards to live by and wishes the best for just everybody.It is a matter of time you'll find your true mate.Since you search for it, and who searches will find.:)
I am sure you talked about Pam in your blog message?Real sad she took advantage from you.I truly understand your big frustration,Kelly. All this time... But here are some friends,who write you.Live with them and those who are kind with you.Believe in the worthy person you are.:)Do not be defeated, my friend.Yes another year has come on us; but always everywhere there are chances and opportunities.Wed have to see them though.I hope you've a nice person as a cellie,in April,Kelly.I've this card that says:'Hope is daring things without knowing how they'll run'. Hope is in a sense something that puts us in a positive mindset.Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring.-smile.The blog says you'll receive my message on February,27th.Tell me if so.There is a lot to tell. :)Where to start?I will fly to Ill. on April,21,to Chicago.Then taking the Amtrak till Carbondale.I thought the train would go till Chester, where George is at, but alas it's not that far.I hope his dad can pick me up at Carbondale;well his chofer,John.I'll call him tonight. A taxi from C. till Chester would cost me 150 doll. and back again 150 doll.! I am not spending this money!I booked already the flight, not the Amtrak tickets. Also the hotel twice in Chicago and twice in Carbndale. Yesterday I had to take a B.Western hotel for 9 days.Only 3 days at the Hospitality House, a B&B. A group was there at my period. :( It was only 20 doll./night, while at the BW it's almost 100 doll.!I had to call them way back in time already.Did you receive my card from IND?We had a fabulous voyage!In the weekend of 18/19of February I hiked twice 20 kilometers!With my group the Sippels.Say: Siepels. I did hike with this same group when I was in my 20ies!it was tough!I had had no training anymore. We walked in a high elevated protected area.Climbing at times between the roots of trees, mud spaces, and we had roads with ice and parts of snow.But landscapes were so bright! Streams,wetlands, and only birches as trees because the soil is sour. No other flowers or trees grow there.I was very careful to not to fall (fell once), since I wouldn't like to have my sciatic back again!Did I tell you a suitcase in the train fell on my head?!I had 18 sessions of therapy for my neck.Then suddenly appeared a sciatic pain (a pinched nerve) who was felt in my right leg.It was gone after IND., but it came back after my voyage. I still had 7 sessions to go and it was almost gone.Anyway, I am so very proud I did this!After the hike I had no sour legs, but some pain at the sides of my pelvis.Stiff, so to say. The next day I was babysitting at Elke's and coming back towards my train, almost everything was fine.:)I didn't receive not any letter from George

... in January!He numbers his letters and two lack!Not even a Valentine card, and that is not normal.:(He got free after 6 months of seg. On the 15th of December.Since the day of today, Feb. 27th, only one letter came!Go figure!I wrote to Jessica, his lawyer. I didn't get his answer where to write to for the visiting times.Did somebody threw his letters away!?this NEVER happened. I thought he died!:((Luckily his dad told me he had called, since he was free.If not for his dad, how would I have known he was okay?There are many lock downs too in Menard.He was there a long time ago;I've visited him there for the first day.:)Then Mary brought me.I knew I loved this man, when I met him.Actually I knew by letters, but a letter can hide a lot of things.When he came to our table I saw he was the man of his letters.I write with 2 new people on this very blog:Henry, he'll send me a photo now: 61. He also does yoga and works in the kitchen as a cook.He doesn't see his 4 children and he is innocent, in NY.Robert is an Italian/American.Life sentence. Nice person, he has one daughter.He's 41.He could see puppies at his prison. Men raise them, I heard.His mom is dying...from cancer and the dr doesn't care, he said. :(( He earns 20 doll. per month.He used to work as a volunteer with old people in the clinic.A bad person moved him.He liked his job so very much. :( I guess because of some trouble they closed the windows in his cell. I'll ask him again. It could be at his other place they still have daylight falling in? I hope so!
Kelly, I wish you so much more luck.Do what you can to remain positive. As what you said. Have a big hug and xxx from Rita!

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hello Kelly,

I can tell you'll get this a WEEK after the 27th of March.Well, my birthday falls on the 26th.I will be able to celebrate it on various occasions.:) With mom, with my friend Kathleen (say Kathlane),in a cuddle party (I am curious!), In a RAPKLAP, with seniors; we do short chats at tables and drink coffee/tea and eat a piece of cake),and I'm invited by Nenita, a new Filippine woman, who invited me at the coast,in Oostende; she bought a house there and they're renovating it. She divorced and lives with an Irish man.I babysitted yesterday at Lars and Lynn.She shows me letters in a text and I showed her how to write them. She considers it as a game.For her 3 yrs young!:o Like E from her mother Elke, L from Lars and Lynn, B from her dad Bart and R from Rita.I showed her on the street: TE KOOP. She noticed the dubble O. Means:For Sale.
Oh, I started a few days ago a new language! Swedish. On DUOLINGO (internet) one can learn whatever language.
I also study Italian and I practiced again my Russian.Leslie is a Russian translater. I followed 2 yrs of Russian in the past.LOVE to learn language,Kelly! George studies French. ;)He appreciated you kind words.
I am glad you finally heard from Pam!At least she took contact with you. You must have been happy to hear from her!Now she can focus on you again. I do hope she sends you some money for the chrocheted works you made.She told me one day she had first to take care of him. How old is she?She seems a nice person; I saw a photo of her.

Before going to George I've to do an annual check- up of my teeth. That's today.In May I do one of the eyes.

Have a good time with Warren8

x Rita

I meant Warren!
Yesterday My brother Johan was visiting mom,91.He noticed water on her lungs. He'll see with other doctors what can be done for her?Mom has a valve at her heart that doesn't shut; so,she has a high breathing noise and is easily tired.
My neighbor Jos, 88 was having an accident with his bike, with a car!A hole in his head, he has a clavicular fracture and one in his hip!And his wife Maria has already Parkinson.They're such an nice couple!

I'm fine, after my train accident.I must have had a good guardian angel!
Today I will send my text to the writing group, Word weavers.'Going to the top'.I wrote I am not a top type of person. I'm a vertical type of person. It's lonely there at the top too.I need things to share with friends and prefer a voyage to unknown areas than to climb a mountain. :(

take care and know that I care, Kelly! A big hug from Rita! x

Ps. I meant a horizontal type of person of course.;)))

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I can't see anymore what I already wrote a while ago.To get short: I was able to see George 5 times in April. The first visit ended on a stormy day! after 20 minutes! Because they had problems with the electricity! then due to lock downs, I had only 2hrs instead of 4 :(( Nevertheless we made the best of the short time.For a while he could eat decent food, like a cheese/steak burger and chocolate milk, etc.The food is horrible! Always the same.That is why he got in solitary for two months because he drew a cartoon; showing that a prisoner had 5 food items, over and over again and a guard the variation of 28 items!Above he had put the law that says they should have the same.He drew himself, and a guard like a pig, eating in abundance. Well, when he sent the cartoon to his dad to be distribuated, they intercepted it!:(
For another item he spent 6 months in solitary.We still guess why that was? Maybe because he had written a letter to a high ranking man, to save money?George saw all the money that could be saved here and there.They won't admit their lies of course.
I would visit George 5 days in May; they never came!Chery from the hotel had shown me photos of the flooding near the Hospitality House where I could go only the last 3 days.I was used to go there, but the place was full because of a group that would be there in my period.Well, later I heard they never came!I payed a lot in the best Western, where I was at. I walked everyday 1 hr to visit and 1 hr back to the hotel.Once I had a lift too. It was raining so much!That 1st of may I had to see it with my own eyes.When I arrived the roads were closed and the river Mississippi had flood!I tried to ask a man in a restaurant where I ate, to go with his car? The time was alas too short. And later I heard they annulled all visits!!
George waited... only later he knew the parking lot was full of water. People working there used buses.He also heard via his dad. And he knew we didn't even had the chance to say goodbye.:(((
And we had hoped to have the 4 hrs in May again,... There is this song: 'If I hadn't bad luck, I would have no luck at all'. Real sad. You can't fight Mother Nature.I had hoped to bring another visit in October?After I visited my daughter Leslie in CA.But I have probably to pay a high amount of money for a new terrace!It's almost a MUST! We have leaks and terraces of others in our building (5 apartments) suffer from it.The bad thing is that we will probably do it in summer! And we've to stay home for that.But I promised Elke that mom and me would take care of Lynn, for about three weeks at the coast, during summer vacation!I have problems; that terrace has to be free and cleaned; but there are two big wooden containers for plants on it and a big wooden table as well.:o It will give me extra costs to remove them!My neighbor HAS to have the terrace renewed. But they do it only if the same level neighbor does it as well, and that's me!It causes me a lot of stress nowadays.

Well, Kelly, there were also good positive things happening during my staying in America.In the airplane I sat next to 2 women. I told another woman that I had a long distance relation in America.Suddenly the other woman said:I've too!I told my story... she thought it was real sad.She was on her way to Mike;he was a silent man, with traumas of the wars he was in.Well, she didn't sound like she was real happy.Danka(ita),a Czeck woman of 48(he was 11 yrs older)sang somewhere in Germany where he had known her. In her country she is a hairdresser.She told me she was used to clean, to cook, to work in his garden,walking the dogs, etc But more as a working person for him, while he was at work.Her real love was in Germany, Guido; he knew her as well, when she had a singing performance there. Guido knew about Mike but not the way around. Danka and me stayed good friends and we mailed a lot in America!:)We are both enthousiast women, very open and always active in some ways!She cuts hair and told her clients my story.They found it so very sad.:(I had to encourage George... he was down.I could sense it in his letters. I bought him two books in a big bookstore in Carbondale where I arrived earlier to be sure I was there (with those floodings blocking certain roads!)to take my Amtrak train!A nice black driver, Shorty, told me his brother had been 20 yrs in prison and got recently out.And his wife worked at the dentist in Menard! Where George is at!So he promised me they would take care of George!As a sign he would let bring a candy bar to George by a friend guard in the prison!:o I can always call Shorty when I need a ride in that area.:)He was late the last day; and I needed to take my Amtrak in time!He said: I drank beer the other night! A joke. Well, he drove me and I had not to pay him!-smileI had a good time in Carbondale.Lots of shops and restaurants and friendly people there!My bought books were: Everything Happens for a Reason and Every Day is Another Chance-Simply Positive Ways to Bring Happiness to Your Life.It helps me now to overcome the bad luck George and I had.I had the chance to give him a short back massage, Kelly!He sat next to the microwave and I stood there warming up a snack for him.The guards were talking and I took the opportunity doing that!:))There are visiting rooms were you can walk around, give hugs and kisses all you like, taking pictures as well, etcFor George I bought two books as well:When Paris went dark- under the German occupation. He likes it!The Power of your subconscious; the writer turns him off by preaching of the power of prayer.George thinks the world would be a better place if religions had never been invented.
I told you he is a Buddhist, eh.Kelly, good for you being busy. But seeing Warren wasn't the friend you needed.:(I am happy you have a nice guy in your cell.Oh, forgot! A gang cellmate of George had a fight with him and knocked his tooth out! :o He showed me when I was visiting. :(( The guy is in seg xRi

Yes Kelly, I got your beautiful! card!A butterfly is our symbol.From George and me. :)I had my B-Day celebrated on various moments.With the neighbors here in the apartment, but the real day with my good friend Kathleen; the one of 48yr and with her I do Biodanza.With mom in the weekend as well.One can't be on those different places all in one day, eh.;)
George had told me to say this to Leslie: 'I will take care of your silverware and polish it'.:))As a joke. She doesn't accept George as does mom. :( Leslie likes jokes. But this time she keeps silent...In my opinion she doesn't know what to say here?Then suddenly I saw George's code!:He doesn't really realize it, but I saw this.I will take care of your silverware(something that is important to Leslie: 'me')and polish it ('brightening up my life').Well, I wrote it to him.
The story I have to told you, will knock you off your socks! That will be for another email, okay?
Always nice to hear from you, Kelly!I saw you made a nice opening page here on the blog!:))))
xxx from your friend! Big hug too!Rita

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