Reply ID:
yayc

August 22, 2017

Dear Julia,

As far as my interpretation of what a "transgender" is, it was always my understanding that a "transgender" was someone wo identified as a gender other than that which they were born. For instance, when a woman gives birth, the doctor looks between the baby's legs, sees a penis and automatically identifies the child as a boy, as does the rest of the doctor's medical staff, the parents and the rest of society. However, as the child continues to grow older, "he" begins to vocalize their feelings on the matter, making it known that they're not male, but are in fact female, regardless of what's dangling between their legs. (And of course, the reverse holds true as well, that a female can identify with being male.) Still not sure how it came across that I somehow identified transgenders as people who identified with the gender they were born, but hopefully this clears up any misconceptions.

You obviously feel pretty strongly about this issue, and I respect that, but just as I respect both you and your opinions, shouldn't transgenders respect their sexual partners by disclosing this fact before sleeping with them? Isn't that the right thing to do? Sure, the other person might have some strong, or even incorrect beliefs about whether or not this would make them gay, but isn't that their right? As Americans, and more importantly, as humans, isn't it our right to believe anything we want? If I choose to believe that purple unicorns fly out of my butt every time I fart, that's my choice, even if no one, myself included, can actually see evidence of it. If we, as a community or individual, want to have our rights respected, whatever those rights happen to be, then we, collectively and as an individual, need to be willing to respect the rights and beliefs of those we come into contact with. Just because we show them the respect they're asking for doesn't mean we're acknowledging those rights and ours wrong, it only means that we respect them, their rights and their beliefs. Nothing more, nothing less.

I don't know anything about you, so I don't know if you're old enough to remember Sally Jesse Raphael, but for those of us who do, we know all too well how terribly things can go when someone who has strong feeling about homosexuality is approached by a member of the same sex, who expresses a romantic, or at least a sexual interest. In that particular case, the response was fatal, literally, and all his victim did was verbally express his crush. If he was that upset he was over mere words, can you imagine how pissed he would have been had he found out, after the fact, that the woman he slept with used to in fact be a man? And I don't care how much you spin it, at the end of the day, a post-op transgender's vagina used to be a penis, literally, which means that the vagina you've been licking and sucking on in an attempt to please your partner is in fact the skin of a penis. Knowing this, don't you think that common sense, and safety, dictate that you let him know BEFORE, and not after the fact?

Personally, I could care less, but then, I'm not the one who thinks he's going to hell if he does something with another man, a transgender or even masturbates. Still, regardless of my feeling son the issue, isn't it only right that the person I'm sleeping with disclose this to me BEFORE we lay down with each other? If I had an STD, I'd disclose that fact to my partner prior to having sex with them, along with a number of other factors. The last thing in the world I want is a resentful sexual partner. It has a tendency to put a crimp in the relationship, burning bridges I'd much rather leave intact.

Despite the misunderstanding and difference of opinion, I appreciate you taking time to leave a response. Should you have more you wish to share, please feel free to leave your reply here, or you can forward it to me at the address listed below. Until next time, stay safe and take care.

Shawn L. Perrot CDCR# V-42461
MCSP Cell# C-13-229L
P.O. Box 409060
Ione, CA 95640