"Your joy can fill you only as deeply as your sorrow has carved you."
Well, I have been a bit oblivious lately. I've been spending several evenings in the past few weeks out on the rec yard playing cards with this young guy, Chance, and usually a Native guy in my unit, Frank, and a partner of his choice. We've been playing Hearts the most and will also play Spades. Chanse is 23, really young, and has been through most of the guys on the compound. He blatantly asks guys for money because he's young and cute.
My energies have been so scattered lately.
We had the Wiccan Ritual Meal this past Thursday (yesterday). Each religious group in the BOP gets at least one big meal per year. We had three kinds of meat (including Buffalo burgers), fried bread (flat, very Native-American looking), veggies, etc., and pie for dessert. The last meal that I had last year was in SHU. That really sucked. The big Samhain (Halloween) Ritual is this Tuesday, of course. I missed that also last year and skipped it the previous year.
This past Oct. 20 was my second anniversary here at Petersburg. I didn't go to the Samhain 'cause I was very new here and didn't know many people. Some guy I was supposed to see that morning had blown me off, and I just wasn't in the mood.
I was woken up early on Thursday morning a couple of weeks ago for a medical trip to Butner. It was awful. I was woken up some time around 4:30 AM. The CO was rushing me 'cause I think he forgot to wake me up earlier. I was the last to arrive at R+D (intake/outgoing) that morning. There were eight or nine of us. We were all shackled and handcuffed as we got on the bus. Those ankle/leg shackles bite into my ankles when I walk in them. It's not fun. We also stopped at the "Low" next door and picked up some guys there. We were probably on the road by 5:30 AM. The trip to Butner, North Carolina is several hours south of here.
All of us went to the radiology department. Some of us had an MRI, some a cat scan, and some got an ultrasound, including myself. For me, it was routine. Trips like that ruin your whole day. We didn't get back until around 4 PM, and then we were stuck in the bus on the parking lot 'cause we didn't get back before the "4 PM count".
It's a strange sensation being out on a bus on the highway. The last time I was on that highway (or outside the fence at all) was two years ago when I got here. I kept looking at all the stuff on the highway and drinking in the sights of the real world. How pathetic is that?
This place, this existence, has been my life for so long. Thirteen years now. It's insane.
Well, I went to the Samhain Ritual (Halloween) yesterday. We met at the chapel at 10:00 AM. We had a group meditation and went to lunch. Then we came back and had another meditation. After that, we sat around outside doing nothing, so I left at 2 PM.
We went back at 5 PM for the evening ritual. I met Travis there, who had never been to a Wiccan ritual before. We ate pizza rolls, which I had paid for, and sat in chairs while the ritual went on. Travis wanted to sit back and watch since this was his first time, and I stayed with him since he was my guest. He left at 8 PM and we (the rest of us) stayed until 10:30 PM, which was very late for usual. We're usually locked down by 9:15 PM.
Anyway, I had a good time. Until next time, I wish you...
Love and blessings,
2018 apr 21
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