Reply ID: 6uhv

Dear Rita,

Hi, how are you? I received your comments and it was good to hear from you. Did anyone send you my photo from the banquet? I don't have your email but maybe Melanie sent it? I am not sure. If not, I will have Melanie send it. We had a great time and I have formed some bonds with some political offices that could help with the parole for lifers movement. It will definitely help keep us informed. I have heard from my daughter, such a beautiful young woman. She told me that she is sorry she isn't what I wanted, I told her never think that. I'm sorry I'm not the father she deserved. She didn't ask to be born to me and her crazy mother. But I think she'll be ok, she does very well in school, she is finishing high school instead of just giving up and I am very proud of my little girl. She might be 20 but she is still my little girl to me. We have all black labs in here, about 9 right now I think. I hope to take a photo with one today so I can make that my Christmas card. I don't feel like sending cards out for Christmas anymore so I will do a photo and have my friend Jen send it to the people who still matter to me. My family doesn't speak to me anymore. Since my mom died, just my dad speaks to me now. But it's not something I will dwell on. I still have days when I struggle, my mom's gone and I have no mom to call anymore. I loved hearing her stories, but now I have just my memories. I wanted to see the memorial service so much but my family refused to record it for me to see. I begged them to but no one would do it. I'm still angry and I don't forgive them. Not now, maybe one day but not today. They wouldn't even bring my mom to see me before she died. But this is life in here, people forget you exist and they just stop speaking to you. Friendships end and families drift apart.

I'm so happy for you and George that you had such wonderful visits. You certainly deserve it after the nightmare you had the last time you went to visit him. I hope you bring home some happy memories of your visits with George.

A terrible shame that someone broke into your home. What seems to be more a shame is that you are so very far away from your grandchildren. I have such wonderful memories of my grandparents. I grew up very poor, but my grandparents spared no expense when she spoiled all of their grandkids, there are a lot of us too but no kid went unloved by them. They truly were two special people.

I hope that you can see and talk to George every month over video. Please tell me how that goes when you do it, we don't have that here. But I would only do that with my friends who are far away. I don't want to see my family anymore. Just my dad. He does not have much longer to live, just a few months so I am hoping he can come to see me before I lose him too. My family rarely bothered to visit me and I am so close to them so don't bother now.

I do want to continue to grow to be a better man Rita but some days I say why bother. I owe so many people to be better but it is not easy. I will be starting a new program soon called Building Trades. It will teach me to build things I guess. But I also want to do a program called Business Occupations. That's all computer work and I would like to learn that. One day I would like to speak to the family of the man I killed. I owe them at the very least an apology. Maybe this can happen, I can only hope. It's been almost 20 years since that day.

So how is your home? I hope nothing is damaged or missing.

Well my friend, I will let you go now. Take very good care of yourself, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas holiday, a shame you couldn't have spent Christmas with your grandkids. Not raising my daughter is one of my biggest regrets. When she was little, I would have family and friends send her tons of Christmas presents and I would close my eyes and imagine her opening up her presents, screaming in happiness. I would imagine her smile, her excitement, I never got to see it. I begged her mother to take pictures, my mom would send her money and a camera to do so but she never did. So sadly, I missed her entire life. But at 20 now, I am so happy she has returned to my life, I missed my little one. She has grown to be such a beautiful young woman. I haven't hugged her in 13 years, my heart aches for this. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas Rita, take care and enjoy your day. Good bye for now my friend.

Tuo Amico Sempre,
Rob