"Triffles make the sum of life."
—Charles Dicken's David Copperfield

10-04-18

Dear Readers,
Howdy!

Well, here I sit in my cell, listening to C3PO and Jennifer Holliday (the original Dreamgirls) singing No Frills Love, an awesome old disco song. I'm sitting in my cell just after 10 PM and alone. Thank the Goddess! My old cellie, Pat, moved out a few days ago. What a jerk. I'm wearing my elephant necklace, which I like to think of as Ganesha (my favorite Hindu god) at my desk and, in only two hours, it will be my birthday.

I'm old. It sucks. I look good for my age—and anyone could look my age up if they wanted to—but I'm still old. At least I still have a hard stomach.

As I look back on my life, it has really been insane. I remember a dream I had back in '04 or '05—shortly after I was arrested—and I was being driven crazy by all these things changing (hard to describe), but an Asian lady appeared and told me that I couldn't wake up 'cause the things I was going through were so crazy. My experiences were being broadcast as entertainment. I jolted awake right after that.

Anyway, I cannot fucking believe my life. There are those who would say that I'm a horrible person (and much worse). I have a ton of regrets, but in my defense, I will say that I never intentionally or directly hurt anyone. Indirectly, a lot of people were hurt by my actions. I have nothing but regrets for all of my stupidity. Oh my God. Ken and I lost so much. And it's all my fault.

Well, before I get too maudlin, perhaps I should move on. And now it's Whitney Houston singing one of her slow songs. Okay, it's moved on to one of Annie Lennox's dance mixes. I had Club 17 open for a bit tonight. I was dancing to Christine Aguilera's song Come On Over Baby. It's a great dance song. I really love to dance. I've already decided that in my next life I want to be a choreographer. I feel like I've gone through enough hardship in this life that I should be able to pick something good next time.

I already have a post to go out, but I've been waiting to write a response to someone and put in the same envelope. I've just been lazy and/or been doing other things. I'll send 'em separate (this posting and that one). I was thinking about emailing a birthday message tomorrow too.

I got BTB put back on email and hopefully I'll be able to use it sometimes. I think the previous volunteer left and there's a password or something to get on Corrlinks. It costs me five cents a minute just to sign on to the service—which sucks—but we all know how convenient email can be. I'd certainly email my postings if I could afford it.

My cell is so much nicer without Patrick in it. He was such a disrespectful slob. I'm in a three-man cell with three bunks stacked on top of each other. The top bunk is above my head. They got in trouble for having three guys in these cells—it's way too overcrowded—so they're only putting two guys in these cells now.

I have four tiny easels with hand painted well—paintings—set around. The two smallest on the desk and window (they're 2 1/2"x3" at most), and the two larger ones on the lower and top lockers. My favorite is a blue jay which I specifically paid the guy to paint, and it's 8" or 9" wide and 7" or so tall. I asked for a purple easel, and it really sets it off. It's on the top locker (there's two lockers stacked and one alone beside that). The top locker is mine, and I have yarn and overflow in the locker immediately below that.

Okay, now It's Raining Men by the Weather Girls is playing. That shows you what a fag I am!

Anyway, also on top of my locker is a giraffe I made several months ago and an old picture of my mom. I think it was her graduation/senior picture. Many people have said that my mom looks beautiful, and that always chokes me up. I sure miss her. I'm just glad she died before I went to prison.

I had some coffee earlier this evening, and I'll probably be up late. I don't care. I'm taking off work tomorrow (typing) and plan on just trying to enjoy the day. I wanted to get a movie slot at the library next week (Saturday and lunch is the sign up for the week), but they were full when I got there, darn it. I may just go out to the rec yard after lunch. I go most every night after dinner.

Some guy who's been flirting with me has offered to get us pizzas tomorrow for dinner. That's really nice. He's kinda heavy-set and not really my type, but he's really nice and I like him as a friend. He keeps saying that he's never gotten with a guy before and that i'm the only one he'd consider it with. For some reason, I've gotten that response from other guy s over the years in prison. I'm sure there are some who aren't being honest about their lack of experience. Honey, I've not only been around the block, I was here before it was paved!

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10/05/18

Okay, so it's just before 9 AM on the day of my 54th birthday. Dag. Madonna is singing Burnin' Up on C3PO. Man, I used to dance to that song in the gay bars in Austin, TX in the '80s. Geez, I'm old.

I took a good look in the mirror this morning. I have a bad habit of not looking too closely. I suppose it's a good thing to do on your birthday. Geez. I will say that although I'm old, I look pretty good for my age. I am skinny, but I have a solid stomach (rare for guys even ten years younger than me). I still have my hair (knock on wood).

Still wearing the Ganesha necklace. I'm gonna wear my rhinestones tonight. You just can't wear rhinestones on a regular basis. I think I wore them last at New Year's. I have a gorgeous rhinestone necklace and a bracelet with a bunch of tiny rhinestones on it, and a big gaudy ring with mother-of-pearl in the middle, and two loops of tiny rhinestones. Technically, all this jewelery wearing is against the rules but, hey, I'm a rebel. Any CO could confiscate my jewelery at any time. I usually don't wear stuff to chow, at least not where it can be easily seen.

Two Easters ago, I had a lieutenant confiscate my pearl necklace. I'm still mad about it. You're supposed to wear pearls at Easter! Fuckin' jerk.

Last night Kevin hung out in my cell. He was in an "altered state" (don't ask) and being really say sloppy and a total asshole. In his defense, I will say that yesterday his dad had a 12+ hour surgery to remove a cancerous growth from his throat. Kevin is worried and being a basket case. At the same time, he often goes too far and probably doesn't give a shit that today is my birthday. And I certainly did something for him on his b-day.

To be continued...

Love and blessings,
Kelly