March 23, 2019

Personal Journal

by Steve J. Burkett (author's profile)
This post is in reply to comments on:  Diary thumbnail
(Jan. 14, 2019)


Personal Journal
(1) I am unable to sleep without my Jeannie's memory in my arms. Sometimes I hold on a little too tight but I'm afraid, afraid she might slip out of bed leaving me alone here in the darkness of an empty cell. I know she is always here in my heart, but crazy people have crazy thoughts and if I am nothing else I must be crazy how else would I get out of bed here where repetition is the act of the day and the day is only a repeat of yesterday. I hear her breathing next to me now lying here in bed on my side feeling her heart beat against my chest in perfect rhythm with mine.
3/9/19 SAT
I've got this little pain in my lower back, it comes and goes- sometimes it will hurt like hell if I stand in one spot too long or if I'm sitting in the same position for long periods like I do when I'm drawing/painting, or writing. I can ram it out most of the time :) I've been using Capsaicin cream on it, heat rum made with chile peppers :) It works better than one would think. Down side: avoid contact with the eyes, nose, lips and other parts of the body. One learns to wash his hands well before taking a leak and not just afterwards :) That's right I did, love your laugh :) I can now three days later. I finished the drawing of the girl I was doing, spot on. I was showing it around yesterday and I think I have another one- I have to see what the picture looks like- no half inch faces unless it's my Jeannie. I know her brown eyes, her turned up nose and the smirk on her lips <3 :) Right I'm going to finish painting me in the boat in the middle of the ocean. It looks like a nice day to go for a walk, I don't see any rain clouds :) not right now anyway. There is a cold wind blowing down from the snow covered mountain but I dressed for that when I got up. If I lose my way again how will I know when I get to where we're going? I've been thinking lately that I just might want to get out before I die. I don't see myself any "present dangerousness" to anyone from me. I won't be going back to the board for a few more years (6) and if they did let me out sometime after that I would be in my 80's- my moving around is slow now. I don't see it getting any better in the future if I live so long.
3/13/19 Wed.
Dream: at a party- birthday party I think- someone's close friends and family. You got yourself a new sexy outfit for me, who am I trying to kid, you made every outfit look sexy- back in the day. Somewhere around midnight you and I made a run for alcohol- you because you were sober, you could sip a single glass of wine all night- me because you wanted me with you. We made love in the car in the alley, in back of the liquor store. You're late to wake up but you do and you can't get back to sleep and if you do you can't find the car or even remember what it looks like- the gear would help. I finish the selfie of one in the row boat :) so I'm starting some still mostly flowers. I have some 4'x8' silk canvas- let's see what all I put on them :) Right now my brain has slowed down- I heard that. I need to go eat. I don't even have a cookie and a slice of bread in the cell- they even our bread back here to 2 slices now. (Return to Sender, Not at this address sticker) How many of these do you think I've had happen to me in the last 50 some years? More than all your fingers and toes :(.
Don't know- not sure- what happened yesterday. I started having some chest pains while I was writing so I took a Nitro, after that my head went light and my stomach balled up then I balled up on the bed :) I was feeling better by breakfast (maybe I was just hungry :) ) After I eat my breakfast I was again having pains in my upper chest on the left side. I'm thinking it was just my lungs or maybe gas. I did have gas all day, bad gas, ask my belly :) A couple of friends wanted me to see medic, then escorted me over there so I wouldn't walk around the track and back to my cell- they did an EKG and it was alright so they put me down to see the doctor next week or so. I did go out and walk a couple of hours- it was a beautiful day, sunshine, with a cool breeze- temps in the low 60's. I came back to the cell at ten and slept until two so got nothing done except rest. I feel good this morning and looking forward to another beautiful day. I'm always hungry now and I feel like I've lost a lot of weight- I'll wight myself when I go over for the beauty treatment this morning- I do know I'm shorter under 5'11" from over 6' :) Today's Thursday so I'm going to get this today or it'll go out tomorrow if not it won't go out until Monday :) I would like to hear from someone more after- if not it's like talking to myself- not that I don't do that all the time- you should see me when I'm walking the track alone :). hey I'm not the only one here- but if the population is doing it I know that's where I find the best conversation :) Everyone take care
Happy Birthday Baby 3/15/67


Replies (1) Replies feed

tofuqueenerica Posted 2 months, 1 week ago. ✓ Mailed 2 months, 1 week ago   Favorite
Hi there, I just transcribed your letter from March 14th. You're not talking to yourself this time, I'm talking to you too :) I hope I did justice on the transcription! My thoughts? Jeannie seems like a beautiful, wonderful person. And I like going for long walks alone too.


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