"No one beneath you can afford you. No one your equal would."
—Jan le Wells

05-07-19
7:17 PM

Dear Readers,

Howdy! Well, I'm not sure how far I'll get, but I thought I'd at least start a new entry. I'm currently out on the rec yard with Doug (more on him later) while he works out. Part of the reason that I've been so behind on writing is because my life has been pure hell.

Miles is a complete psychopath—I'm not the only person to say this (the word "insane" has come up a lot). Practically every single time he comes in the cell, he complains about something or does something petty and childish. I'm honestly not exaggerating. I treated him so good when I first moved in, and I will never understand how he would turn a good relationship into something so very bad. In one of his few lucid and sane moments, he admitted that he "destroys" every relationship he has, and he has definitely destroyed ours.

I've been so stressed out and miserable, and I've avoided being in that cell as much as possible. So... not much writing gets done. He's even threatened to beat me up several times over nothing. There have been times when I asked him why he was mad or what it was that I supposedly did to him, and he won't—can't—answer.

He's fucking insane.

The good news is that he's been waiting to be transferred, and I found out through my friend Rex that, after many weeks, he has finally been "designated" (i.e. they decided where they're going to send him). Hopefully he'll be packed out soon and get the hell out of my life.

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05/09/19
7:12 PM

Back on the rec yard with Doug while he works out. He suggested that I do yoga, but I'm just not feeling it and I wanted to write some more. Of course, as soon as he takes a break, I'm going to get distracted. So, there's no telling how much I'll get done.

Let me see... Well, it's finally gotten warm. Early spring was pretty cool this year. The violets came and went (I think I've written about the wild violets before), and this year I found a small patch of wild strawberries. Unfortunately, they're pretty bland.

I got my hair all buzzed off. Doug said I should get it cut, so I did it this past Monday. It was a big shock for everyone, and there's been no end of comments. But it does look good. I'm gonna try and get a picture taken soon.

I forgot to write about this last time, but a few weeks before my last blog entry, we got a celebrity in the unit. He's a rapper who goes by "Guely Santana." I finally looked him up on the music service, and he was on there. So, I could add one of his songs to C3P0 but probably won't. I haven't ever spoken to him—he's got enough hanger-ons and I'm just not impressed. When you've slept with one of the Village People, it's all downhill from there. Ha!

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5/10/19
7:13 PM

Another evening on the rec yard, but this time I'm alone—unfortunately. There was a very minor fight in my unit and, for some reason, they decided to screw everything up. They served dinner two units at a time—like they do when there's fog—and made everyone go back to their units. It took forever. I was hoping Doug would come out, as we had planned before all the drama, but he didn't make it. :(

So... I guess I'll go over Doug. He got here two weeks ago, this past Tuesday (the 23rd?). You always notice new people in prison 'cause they're a novelty. I could tell that he was very introverted 'cause I never saw him speaking with anyone. He kept to himself and seemed very closed off. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't see how that was ever gonna happen 'cause I feel awkward about going up to new people myself—especially since I don't know how they're going to react to a big fag coming up to them.

Turns out I didn't have to.

That following Saturday, I was waiting along with a few other guys for the library to open up after lunch. He came up and asked me what everyone was waiting for. Yes! An opening! That's all it took.

We started chatting. By Sunday, we started hanging out at rec after dinner. He was already in the habit of hanging out in the library during the day, but after a couple days, he started sitting beside me while I'm typing. He'll keep me company while he writes poetry or looks at books or magazines. He's the type where, after he gets to know you, he'll open up more and joke around. He's a very sweet and soft-spoken guy.

Spending time with him is very easy and comfortable. We'll just hang out and talk, and suddenly an hour has passed. I'll think, "Fuck! We'll have to get back to our (separate) units soon." That part sucks.

Doug turned 33 on May 5th. He's about 6' tall and slim with ash blond hair.

By the way, someone recently mentioned how I seem to just get with much younger guys. When I was in the real world, I usually partnered up with guys who were older. The problem is, most guys in here who are my age or even several years younger, just let themselves "go." They often get fat and don't care about their looks at all. I just don't find that attractive. Okay, I'm a snob. If I were out there is Gay World where guys make an effort to take care of themselves, as they get older, it would be a different story.

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05-13-19
6:49 PM

In the library with Doug. I came here to do some work for this guy who wants me to help him write up a supplemental brief in his criminal case. I don't do "research", but I'm good at writing and he asked for my help. However... I can't really concentrate and I think that I need to meet with this guy and work over his arguments with him.

By the way, if you have any legal questions—or if anyone you know does—check out this website for the Brandon Sample Law Firm. I assume it's brandonsample.com. I believe their site has links to other sites with legal information.

This past April 26, my dear friend Mason left. :( He went home—which is great for him, but I'll sure miss him. He always brightened up my day.

I never got a picture of him, damn it. We went on the last possible day, and the damn battery on the camera died when we were next to get our picture taken. Figures. I asked him to at least read my blog to stay in touch, but who knows? It's rare that people ever stay in contact after they leave.

I'd give anything to be some pretty young blond with lots of money. I'd snatch up Mason in a heartbeat. He's a very sweet, sexy, and fun guy.

Until next time, I wish you...

Love and blessings,
Kelly