Date: 4/28/2020 9:16:54 PM
(Chap #3 PG#1)
*WHEN TOILET PAPER JUST REALLY ISN'T NECESSARY*

About two hours after my... toilet training, the arrival of a new guy caught everybody's
attention as he made his way in and decided to make the last empty bunk in our cell his new
place of residence.

After a few, "Yo, dudes." and chopping it up \1/ with some friends, he wasted no time at informing everybody that he had to do a number two real bad, and was already trying a sheet corner around one of the bars as the last couple of us walked out. (Let me me guess, he's been in jail before.)

*5 minutes pass by*

Whiles he's taking a dump, let me explain something here. The Soul purpose of sharing with you this particular bathroom/can scene is not just for the laugh I'm sure you'll enjoy when you get to the end. I'm also wanting to enlighten you to an often overlooked reality regarding prisoners. And I'm talking about the typical ones here -- the very ones I described back in my preface. Naturally it isn't something that is obvious to notice. Hell, it took me years of living amongst these individuals before I finally grasped this whole concept myself. It's something I've been forced to admit everytime I'm blown away at a game of scrabble by some hoodlum who didn't even graduate from high school. Or, when I'm outwitted at a game of chess by some deadbeat who doesn't even know the times table up to ten. It's the fact that probably about a good 15% of these guys actually have the energy and willpower, along with the ingenuity and intellect necessary to devise and accomplish some amazing things. Unfortunately, they were taught to use these assets in all the wrong directions. As you will soon see, because he's taking the sheet down right now.

A couple of minutes after the removal of the sheet, a number of us headed back to our bunks.
As I was able to sit down, my attention was drawn to the desk in the back corner. The new guy was busily unwrapping some cellophane from around a large hunk of tobacco, the size and shape of a huge cigar. The whole scene left me... well, a little confused. Because when I was brought in and strip-searched, \2/ I specifically remember hearing that no tobacco products were permitted in there. So I'm thinking to myselg: How did he get that past the officers? Then. .. (BING!) it dawned on me what else was the size and shape of. OH MY GOD! No wonder he had to do a number two so bad.

So now the whole scene had me VERY confused. Naturally, I can understand some spy having to use a procedure of that manner, for the purpose of sneaking a microchip past security personnel.