BLOG TITLE: LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER 02.06.12

Dear Jaquasta

First off, let me say that I pray that you are doing well and are in the best of physical and emotional health. This has been a long time coming. Me writing to you. Before, I didn't have an outlet for you to read my words, now I do.

Second off, let me apologise for not being there for you. I apologise for not fulfilling my fatherly duties to you. Time away from you has really made me look at myself in a different light. It really hurts me that I failed at my first attempt of being a father. I can never justify the fact that I have missed the most important years of your childhood. No amount of excuses will ever be acceptable, I didn't do the job as your father, I haven't been the man I should have been, the man I know I can be. have neglected my responsibilities by being in prison ad leaving you. My responsibilities as a man and as a father, I have failed to do to my upmost ability.

It hurts me deeply that I can't be there, but this is not about me, and it never was, this is about you and since the first time I held you in my arms it has always been about you.

I want you to know that I love you with evey ounce of love I have in my heart and I always will, no matter what. Words can't express what you mean to me.

I pray that you don't hate me, I hope you will be able to better understand in due time. You mean the world to me, and it hurst me that I can't see you, hear from you or get any pictures of you. That's what hurts the most...

I can't be mad at your mother for what is going on. I made my bed, now I am laying on it. I didn't do my job. I still love your mother, I love her for giving me the greatest gift in life, which is a beautiful baby girl. Your mother was right when she told me that I had my priorities mixed up. I could have settled down and made you and your mother priority number one but didn't. Even though I was with you for the first ten months of your life, and anyone who saw me with you knew I loved you dearly. It was always something or someone who I gave attention to. My focus was not at home, because I took if for granted, like home would always be there when I decided to go home. A man should recognise his responsibilities and take care of them: No questions. Me, I was no man, I thought I was because of who I was in the street to so many other people. I was a boy trying to be a man. It took alot of soul searhing for me to come to that conclusion. I should be there with you as a family, we should be a family. I could pologise a million times, but my apologies don't mean nothing. I hope that you don't hate me. i don't think that I could handle that. When I look at your baby pictures, it brings tears to my eys because I know what I had.

I really hope that as you begin your path to womanhood, that you allow me to build our relationship and establish the bond that we once had. It has been very hard for me to contact you and keep contact with you.

I don't ever want you to think that Daddy doens't love you Quasta, i always will. I care or you very deeply for you. Your birthday is here and i feel like my life is slipping away. FEBRUARY 6TH 2004 is the greatest day of my life.

That day showed me that life was worth living. That life had a purpose for beyond the streets. Life didn't seem so difficult when you were born. I just didn't take advantage of the gift that God had given me. My heart and head were in totally different places, now I am man enough to admit that, back then I though I had everything figured out. I thought I had every answer to every question.

I need you more now every day. You give me hope. You give me life. You are my ANGEL sent from above. I wish the best for you, because you will always deserve the best. You deserve more than I have given you. One day, if God wills it, we will be together again. NO TEST will tell me you are not mine. No amount of money will say that you aren't mine. You are more than a PAYCHECK, you are more that a PAWN. You have my name for a reason, because you are a part of me and I apart of you.

I love you JAQUASTA NYKIA...
I always will, no matter what.

Love you always
DADDY