Dear Marcus, I am very glad I checked this site today and saw this post. I am sending a "rambling letter" your way and whats funny is that I am 5 pgs in and have already kind of answered the questions in my own little weird way LOL that you asked here on your blog. I want you to know that its considerate of you to be humble about your situation of it being hard to find someone who accepts all you have been through etc but I shared something in my letter to you that will definitely put that in perspective. There are people out here who have never been in your situation yet are truly horrible people inside, and I know you are not. And you know I dont say that to just anybody. Anyone reading this, please know Im a tough judge of character haha but Marcus has been the most humble kind friend I have met. I sent a letter out on the 14th but I was a stressed out overworked mess when writing it (now wish I had not sent it out actually!) all caught up within the whole game of trying to catch up on everything I had missed from my rough month in September being sick and all. I felt like triple the normal amount of people were pulling me all over the place and it just got overwhelming and I needed to vent. My boss and I also ended up discussing some things during a meeting that made alot of decisions for me (I love when that happens and I can quit worrying so much LOL) and I shared that with you as well in general without the boring blah blah. (smile) Anywayz- This blog reply will be mailed by Monday Oct 22nd and today is Oct 17th (8:27pm) and Im gonna try and finish your letter up since it seems so appropriate for your blog entry especially, and get it out and headed your direction. Our mail takes a maximum (and usual) three days between sending to reach each other but I do know that when they actually stamp the back and fill out the date I once noticed that it took just two but only one time. Got lucky. (smile) I hope youll find my letter alot more focused than usual and know I am fine now, it was hard to get back into the hang of things around the 8th-14th but the night of the 14th something cheered me up and I started a letter all about it. I think youll smile. -CC

What love means to me? Each person giving 50/50 yet at the same time giving as much as they can of their 100% of who THEY are toward furthering mainly pure positivity in the relationship so that it can blossom in a loving way with no negative distractions other than everyday life stuff. Love doesnt create negativity for the heck of it. (Ive seen couples do this to each other when bored and to me it would be torture) Youll notice there are alot of negative times in my life I mention but can LOL and somehow now manage to even joke about, because at least I figure I can laugh about them years later and see how Ive grown/how far Ive come since that time. To me, love is shared with somoene who is at a spot in their live(s) close to the other (ready for change and not fearful of loving, has had lots of time to think about how/what they want to do when they meet the right person, ready to truly be themselves with no holdback, not be afraid to give this person their all within reason however since true love will never require meeting a demand or feeling pushed, etc) and if is meant to happen then I see it as fate.

Have I ever been in a loving relationship? Letter explains some of this believe it or not LOL and I started it yesterday on the 16th before reading this blog entry. I swear. I do believe had the few long relationships I had been truly full of love and acceptance instead of just me taking care of someone and never being able to be weak on my part if need be, then Id never have left those people. But the bad outweighed the good after 5-6 yrs in one ordeal and I had seriously and truly gave it my all, sometimes more than I was able, so I tried on my part at least. I hate that things ended up the way(s) that they did but I just couldnt handle always being the strong one. For years and years! (smile) Ill stop rambling. -CC