UNDERSTANDING POLYAMORY

I was watching a talk show, yesterday, the subject matter was on a polyamorous relationship. The man has one legal wife, and four spiritual wives - and I must admit I was very intrigued and mesmerized by this subject. It has always been a mystery to me how to love one woman, in a monogamous relationship. Are we truly meant to love "ONLY" one person, "In that way?" Solomon or was it David, that had like 2,000 wives? See, I get/understand the love between a mother and her child, or sibling, grandparents, etc - all that I get. That is true unconditional love, but there will always be conditions placed on your love for a woman or man. But to truly love a woman with my entire being, I have never experienced anything like, not even close to it. I do have ever deeply admire people that have. I read about people that have been married 50-60 years, I love to read that, it gives me hope. However, in this day and age, is love like that possible? Let me be honest, is it possible for me? Because as I see it now, it is incomprehensible in its concept, of a monogamous relationship. But at the same time I want that - talk about a contradiction! SMILE.

Polyamorous, it is an odd word, mixing up Latin and Greek roots, but its meaning is pretty clear. It means "loving many". A more explicit definition of polyamory is the philosophy and practice of loving more than one person at a time, sometimes also called responsible, intentional or ethical multipartnering. Can this be true? Can you be both responsible and ethical in a polyamorous relationship/lifestyle?

I read that polyamorists hold three things in common. The first is an awareness that the exclusive pair bond is not the only garden in which the flower of true love can blossom and thrive. The second is an experience that jealousy, common as it is, is not an unconquerable demon that inevitably destroys love and life. And the third is a reverence for integrity.

AGAIN, how does integrity play a role in such a relationship/lifestyle, when it goes against all the moral and decency attributes that we adhere to, in this society? Can you love more than one person, multiple people, without jealousy rearing its ugly head? Can there be peace and love in your house and bed? When I think about a polyamorous relationship, all I can see is the sexuality, sensuality, exotic and erotic qualities of the lifestyle, can there be something deeper than that?

As I have previously stated, this way of life has always fascinated me - could I engage in such a lifestyle? That is the $1000 question, and most people (women) would say, for a man the answer is very simple. Of course you can (all men are dogs anyway, right?)!

What man wouldn't love to engage in sex with multiple females, right? To the contrary, there are a lot of men that would not engage in polyamorous relationships. "Some" men may fantasize... okay, lots of men may fantasize about engaging in sex with multiple partners, but not "many" men would actually engage in the act. For men, it is more the fantasy than the actual act. Most men love the intimacy of the oneness of having a single partner - the fantasy of having multiple partners is enough to satisfy the desire.

I personally would like to think that I am sophisticated enough to handle the situation. If I had a bucket list, a polyamorous relationship would probably be on there. I don't mean a serious long term relationship, but to have multiple females at one time is like having ice cream after a month in the desert. The ice cream is desirable at the time, but once you get back into a routine the novelty wears off. Would I actually do it, I have no clue, I have been incarcerated for 17 years, you cannot imagine the thoughts you have in 17 years. But I seriously hope that my higher half would kick in and not allow my flesh to win out.

For me, I can see the pros and cons of the situation because of me, loving one woman or trying to love one woman for a lifetime is very scary. I have never been in love, I don't know what it feels like to love one woman, any woman that deeply. And by the time I am released after so many years of incarceration, will a woman wish to love me for a lifetime? Or will I be so emotionally warped that I throw all sexual inhibitions out the window?

And is the question even a sexual one? Or a moral one? Deep within my heart and soul I yearn for the love of one woman, but I have no clue how to seriously return the affection. Maybe I just have trust and commitment issues? Could that be the case? My Case?

Fortunately, or in my case unfortunately, I still have time to (hopefully) get it right. Be well and treat each other with respect. Until next time, I wish you all peace.

Respectfully,

Teze

Marteze Harris #161543
Waupun Correctional Institution
Post Office Box 351
Waupun, Wisconsin
53963