11-02-12

"I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous". - John Jacob Astor IV aboard the Titanic.

Dear Readers,

Oh my God... kill me now! I am such a fucking idiot! OK, in my last posting I mentioned receiving some kites from a guy in another cell. Well, he was DYING for me to move in with him. When I kept expressing reservations, such as pointing out that he went to bed early + I liked to stay up late, or saying that I thought I'd wait until my other cellie left before I moved, he kept saying, "No, tomorrow! Tomorrow!"

Well, I'm really not good at saying "no" + often go along with what others suggest despite my misgivings - (which, BTW, is why I'm in prison) - so, as it happens my previous cellie was released on Wed., + so I went + asked to move in with Mr. Kite.

OK, Kite (pseudonym) is half Mexican + half Native American, middle-aged, + from what I have discovered, has done most of his time in USPs. I am so fucking miserable. I think it's mainly the USP mindset. It's hard to describe, but easily discernible to one previously exposed. EVERYTHING has to be a Big Fucking Deal. You can't just talk like normal people. Every time he wants to say something (OK, not every time, but LOTS), he has to go thru this, "Excuse me. Excuse me. I want to say something". When he offered some food + I said "No, thanks", it was "Why don't you want some? Is it because of me?" EVERYTHING is a big deal.

I am so stressed. Now, he doesn't want soap on the sink. He wants it stuck to the wall behind the sink + he wants the sink wiped out after every use. I know some people do that, but I've never known anyone myself in the Real World who wipes out their sink after every use - and we're in the fucking Hole. We won't be in this cell more than 3 weeks. I don't think we should be total slobs, but come on!

Now, because I sleep till the afternoon - which I told him before I moved in - he asked at lunch to be moved to my now-empty old cell, after only 2 days. Honestly, I wish he had been moved, but they forgot or whatever. Of course, the C.O. is gonna ask why he wants to move after I just moved in.

And get this: despite all this, he wants to be cellies on the compound when we get out of the Hole. Are you f-ing kidding me? Do you really think I'm going to put myself thru all this again?? Pass. None of my other cellies - despite their various quirks - was this stressful to live with.

Intellectually, we are also worlds - light years - apart. I absolutely HATE talking to this guy. He said I don't smile much. Then once, he started to say something + paused to think before he got half the sentence out. I'm waiting + looking at him, giving him my attention. He asks, "Why aren't you smiling?" Why the hell would I be smiling? He hadn't finished saying anything (+ it was just a normal topic).

Another example: I mentioned how the Natives here acted more like a gang than a religion (most all guys in prison do, the Muslims + Odinists are the worst). I mentioned how they don't want a gay guy in the sweat lodge just because he's gay, yet it's okay for a guy who molested a paralyzed pre-teen girl (on most any other compound, this guy would be told to check in to the Hole or beat up). I'm not judging his crime, but let's get real, people.

OK, this guy thinks gay people shouldn't be allowed to sweat 'cause they're unclean. I mention, isn't it true that two-spirit (gay) people are sometimes honored in Real World tribes? "Yes". Isn't it also true that often two-spirit people are the holy people or shamans of the tribe? (The word "shaman" was over his head - I changed it to "medicine person"). "Yes". So, you mean to tell me that in the Real World a tribe is gonna tell their medicine person that they can't sweat 'cause they're unclean? "Uhh..." Exactly. That's prison gang bullshit.

Goddess, I am SO SORRY I moved in here + pray that at least one of us leaves next week.

On another note, today is Ken's b-day. Happy birthday, Ken. He's my former partner who is serving a life sentence in another prison. I believe I wrote about him around our anniversary, June 12. I hate to admit that I miss him terribly after the apathy he's shown (despite his protestations of "love"). Actions speak louder than words. I sure hope that wasn't his sister Kim who posted a comment. She's a heartless, hateful bitch who totally shit on me + screwed me over after our arrest.

11-07-12
Still stuck in this cell with this guy. I could go on + on about him, but won't.

Thank the Goddess that Obama was re-elected! He's the only chance prisoners have for any shortening of our sentences, such as parole (+ he may not do that).

Blessings also to the people of Wisconsin, Minnesota, Maryland, Maine + Washington who voted for Tammy Baldwin + in support of equal rights for gays, whom this country freely discriminates against.

Love + Blessings,

Kelly