Change takes work! December 4, 2012 #40

You may have noticed in my last few post an underlying anger. I have this issue with anger and it seems to raise its ugly head all to often. Anger in and of itself is not a sin issue, but it is how it is used. With me, I use it to control my enviroment. That is OK to a certain degree, after all Christ was "angered & grieved" when he turned out the money changers from the temple. Anger can be a tool for change.

Anger can also be highly destructive! I tend to use anger to bring about desired change, then it just gets out of control, and the next thing you you I am speaking words meant to hurt not help. That is a problem. I have told myself such things as "Well my gift is in administration (it is) so I do not need to be all "out there" interacting with others. That is exactly what the enemy wishes.

I have rationalized my anger so many ways it boggles the mind. I have become convinced that I have it all figured out, the underlying cause of my anger issue. I have put in work dealing with many issues. I think that now it is just a emotional addiction with me.

I also tend to fall pray to the enemies lies that I alone get angry, that I am no good to the Kingdom because of it, etc. In reality I have made huge strides in overcoming destructive anger patterns over the last five years. Unfortunately conflict is often necessary to bring about change. I get a lot of conflict in here!

I find that I can deal with people on a superficial level and almost never get anger, can resolve conflict in highly constructive ways. But when I get close in with someone and I get crowded it can get a bit over the top. One of the things I always told myself is that I do not "suffer fools lightly." The problem that raises is that I am all to often the fool!

I am now involved in a 16 week workshop to help me learn new behaviors. To be honest I just lack faith that I will ever be able to deal with a direct challenge in a calm manner.

I am putting in some work, being honest about my struggle and seeking all the prayer I can get. Do you have any advise? All comments are welcomed.

Be well and pray often.

russ