| This post is in reply to comments on: |
 Beginning Of A Hunger Strike (Nov. 18, 2012) |
Transcription
Reply ID = 9239 12/11/12
Nicki, today I received the postcards, letters, pictures and news articles. I was very happy to hear from you and I will write back as soon as I get stamps. My hunger strike ended in a suicide attempt about which I am attaching a report to this reply.
The prison's response to my suicide attempt is not to offer help but rather to discipline me. I have been moved to a disciplinary housing unit where inmates scream all day and night. My first 6 days post-suicide attempt were spent in an all concrete room, naked and forced to sleep upon concrete. I had no shower or toilet. On the 7th day I was given a mattress. On the 8th clothing, bedding and my personal papers. I am still deeply depressed. Solitary confinement is a form of living death. All that defines you as human is stripped away. Your senses are numb. The silence is suffocating only to be followed by such noise you believe the hounds of hell are loose. Your skin screams to be touched. Your ears beg for comforting sounds. Your eyes long to see beauty. Your nose pleads to smell something other than blood, feces and pepper spray. Your tongue prays for flavor.
To people like SAH one injustice demands another. In America the prison guards are intoxicated by a power over fellow human beings that is unchecked by the Courts, the Congress or the Media. To them I am an animal that must be subservient. Any hint of individualism or intellectualism shall be beat from me with a cruelty that has no place in a democracy. Some days I am the fierce tiger like the card you sent me, defiant to my core. Some days I am weak and weary, eager only for this horror show to be over. I often blame society in general terms but really it is the media, the politicians and the judges I am contemptuous of. These people have a legal and moral obligation to ensure that what the system does in the name of society promotes a foundation of justice, human decency and morality as the bedrock of that society. Their failure is breathtaking in this country and people like yourself and Arcadiaego give me hope that good and decent people still exist. People who view criminals as human beings capable of redemption and as equally deserving of punishment as a chance at rehabilitation and hope.
Incident report
Incident:
Tampering with or blocking any lock device
Misuse of authorized medication
Description of incident:
On 11/30/12, at approx. 11.15 a.m., I (Escort #1) Officer M. Santistevan was one of two escorts who went to cell 2-207 in Z-Unit which houses Pinson Jeremy #16267-064. At this time when entering the Sally-Port, I observed an altered sheet tying his inner slider to the stationary bars in the cell. The obstruction was located at the bottom of the bars. The way it was tied made it appear that the slider would not open from control because of it. I heard Pinson state, "These are heart medication." Stuck out his tongue revealing 4 white unidentified pills on it then made a swallowing motion. In his left hand he had what looked like an envelope filled with multiple white pills, he showed them to me then began to consume them. Pinson had what appeared to be a homemade rope with a noose attached to it hanging from the upper middle portion of his bars. He placed the noose around his neck and took a seated position. A call for assistance was made. I began trying to loosen the rope and remove the noose from the neck of Pinson. At one point I had the noose off but he grabbed it and repositioned it around his neck. I continued trying to remove the noose. Responders arrived and aided me in removing the noose from Pinson's neck. When Pinson was free of the noose he laid on the cell floor. I advised the responders of the obstruction and Health Services Staff cut the altered sheet to allow responders into the cell. The altered sheet was cut enabling the responders to enter the cell and aid Pinson. Pinson was fully restrained and escorted to medical for evaluation. I received no injuries from this incident.
Other posts by this author
|
2014 mar 11
|
2014 mar 11
|
2014 mar 7
|
2014 mar 7
|
2013 nov 14
|
2013 nov 11
|
More... |
RSS
Replies (30)
I know I am not able to give you the help you need Jeremy, but if being a single mother has taught me anything, it is to focus on what I can do, rather than what I cannot. I hope to serve as a distraction, to offer moral support so you don't feel so alone in the world. To care for the carer, and build your hope that there is the same goodness in others, that you know is within you. You must tell me what I can do to help support 'you'. Not your case, or your cause, or the causes of others. But you. How we can build your inner strength and feed your soul. There is only one Jeremy in the world and I believe you have an important place here. I'm so sorry you feel such helplessness and hopelessness but I see no purpose in assigning blame, only for implementing positive change - as small and seemingly insignificant as those changes may be. I would love to hug you & tell you it will all be ok... but I don't know that it will be. What I do know is that we won't know unless we try. I will send something to you in the mail tomorrow.
You take care my friend! My thoughts are with you.
Nicki
Take your children to the zoo or for a walk in the park. A working, going to school mommy with children does not have the leisure time you exhibit. Instead of trying to love and be loved by these cons, how about you start right there in your own house. Your children need you.
In the United States, we have (at least some of us do) a saying that it takes a village to raise a child.
I take umbrage that your attention is on lonely, dependent, psychotic and deranged middle aged men who have committed and are serving a death row sentence.
In your living quarters (according to you) you have young, vibrant children.
Don't deny them for these men who already made their choices. Your children are not there yet and will need your guidance.
Oh, and by the way, telling inmates your next term will be about sensory deprivation is a bit misleading. Correct me if I'm wrong, but those studies come MUCH later in the curriculum.
Not my job to call you out or take your mask off. All I can say is that you do NOT exhibit the qualities of a learned professional (even a student) in either psychology OR criminology. My question is whether your faux posts are helping or hurting those you target. Eventually, the truth will unveil.
Think about it.
Either that or you are of advanced age and a recluse who lives (or tries) vicariously through others.
Take that analysis and rock it.
I'm guessing you have some physical limitations (either due to weight or some medical condition). Perhaps you're immobile?
As I go back and read, I'm leaning more to my sense that you are of advanced age (not the young mom you portray). Perhaps you did have children who are long out of your nest. That I'm not sure of.
There is an age old adage about "thou dost protest too much". It can be applied here. You take WAY too much time 'splainin and validating. Trust me when I tell you I've been there with young children, done that.
Then, I look at your post dates and wonder...how does a single mom who goes to school and works have that much "me" time to post on a website dedicated to criminals? Let's not forget that besides these posts you also do USPS correspondence (according to you).
On a score of 1 to 10 (10 being spot on) - how did I do?
The only comment you've made here that is significant to me was the influence your mother had on you. What my mother always said, in comparison, was...
'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'.
I have her to thank for the person I am today. Hatred is taught, and becomes a reflection of who we become. I guess that is why your comments wash over me as very misdirected.
It takes a special kind of evil to not only replicate that, but to also target and attempt to bring down those that are trying to make a positive difference. Again... you say so much more about yourself with your comments than to those of us you target with your negativity.
You didn't answer my question, Nicki. EXACTLY where are you at in school? Are you a pretender? I'll tell you why I ask.
Psychology in itself is a study. Add criminology and you have an almost *epic* fail unless you are a career student. Even then I'd have to call bullchit.
Criminology and Psychology student? What school and which classes are those?
I don't expect a response because I think you have none. Stop with your masquerade.
Be upfront and honest. Who is a criminology AND a psychology student? i happen to know the field. Which one is not important nor your business. Your posts as a "learned" or student are lame and defames those of us who actually have done the time (school) in the field. You are not fooling anyone.
I'm not a hater. I just don't like your misrepresentation. Are you doing any of these "guys" any good by pretending to be...someone you are not? If your studies are real (and something other than remedial crash courses) - would you care to share? To tell an inmate your next assignment is "sensory deprivation" is way out of line. You are a phony. Your studies could not POSSIBLY get you to that chapter. Not with what you have disclosed.
The reason? I'm calling bullchit on your education you're using to "entice" these men.
As I stated earlier, you are a lonely person who can only fabricate a life you think will endear these men. Your hallo will need to be polished with each "semester" and your good grades. You can research and thesis all you want and they will eat it up. They are desperate for *something* - whether the orator is real or not.
Truth be known, NONE OF IT IS TRUE.
I call bullchit on Nicki and her motives.
Finally... if you have experience in either of the fields I am currently studying and post the things you do on this site, and particularly on this specific post... SHAME on YOU!
You cannot and will not make a difference to any of these inmates (especially death row inhabitants). Your interests borders on "morbid" in my opinion.
Why would a young, single mother with small children waste time hand holding what society has deemed the worst of the worst? Have you nothing positive in life to focus on?
You can send Mr. Pinson all the materials you want. Read his defense for his case - MENTAL ILLNESS.
I'm not without empathy for some of these convicts...but I have to ask how you, as a young mother, would feel about subjecting your children or your loved ones to them? Would you bring them around your kids? Would you harbor them, give them a place to stay, let them share your food and drive your car? I didn't think so because it wouldn't be safe.
You previously posted that you wouldn't "stoop to my level". Nicki - what are YOU doing with young children begging for your attention (per your previous post about your typical day).
It's a fact that children who are neglected will ultimately abuse and neglect. Trim the trees in your own yard before you try to plant a forest for these inmates.
You're welcome.
You appear to have a heart and a soul - could you not use it to help those who never had the chance to make any life choices?
Just asking.
I believe I do use my heart and soul to help those I believe never had a good chance at life, or at least a good beginning. I think I just have a different perspective on who those people include, and believe it 'excludes' none of us. I have looked at my areas of interest when working in criminal law previously and decided the greatest need for my charity is in our criminal justice system. From what I saw first hand, it is full of people living with mental health issues and the over-representation of our Indigenous population. This site is invaluable to hear the voices of those that I could not otherwise. The U.S. provides an extreme example to the rest of the civilized world, showing us all just how bad our justice systems could become if we don’t keep tabs on them and I am here to learn what issues prisoners face day to day as this will give me a more holistic understanding, to compliment my studies.
Here in Australia we don’t have such a thing as a ‘crisis nursery’ and our domestic violence resource centers are well staffed by professionals and well funded by our government so do not require the time of many volunteers. Our social structure is a lot stronger than that of the USA, we do have a foster care system but we do not have any orphanages and adoption is almost unheard of as our social security system gives parents the ability to care for their own children, even if they are not working. Our schools don’t even provide institutional breakfasts or lunches (unless you consider costly boarding schools), because that’s simply not needed here.
We do have many, many children’s charities and as Australian’s are such a charitable people, they too are well resourced and funded. Our prison populations however, are those that are forgotten, and are a responsibility of us all in my opinion. Just as we have a societal responsibility to take care of victims of domestic violence, and children less fortunate than our own, I believe we have a responsibility to take care of those who have done wrong. We have a responsibility to give them the help they need to be able to function in an acceptable way within our society.
It is Christmas Day there in the U.S. today (Boxing Day here) & my thoughts are with you. I was looking for a good news story to send you & this is the first one I came across and seems just perfect. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did...
Lessons Learned from Writing Love Letters to Strangers, by Hannah Brencher
I began leaving love letters all over New York City for strangers to find nearly two years ago.
Though the idea sounds romantic, it was really a way to forget about my own feelings of sadness and loneliness for a while and focus on others in the big city who may have been feeling as let down as me. Every morning since that first love letter, I've pinned my cursive to writing and mailing love letters to people all over the world, packed with words that hopefully will help, heal, and hold them during a tough time.
With every stroke of the pen and sealing of the envelope, I've gathered life lessons that I know will never leave me no matter where my letters go. We're braver than we give ourselves credit.
I used to think bravery always meant being strong, never shedding tears, being the one who could hold it all together even when everything seemed to be falling apart. We learn that from the very beginning;how to save face, how to rely on ourselves, how to always be stronger but never (ever) weaker.
I received a letter request the other morning from a young woman in Israel. She felt
ashamed, a bit cowardly and selfish, to be asking for a love letter for herself. Me? I thought it was the bravest act I've ever encountered.
It takes courage and strength to ask a stranger to write you a love letter, to admit you don't know the words to tell yourself to make things better. Courage is being willing to crumble sometimes, to bring someone else in, to ask for help, to admit that you are only human and actually do need others to grow stronger.
We're more alike than we are different.
I've never actually liked the statement "walk a mile in someone else's shoes.' It seems
nearly impossible, and I'm learning more and more with life that it isn't always necessary.
Most of the time, our stories are clearly different even though we carry the same kinds of feelings;sadness, loneliness, jealousy, hurt, happiness, and hope. We can relate better than we ever expect if only we open ourselves up to it. We don't need to shoulder the same struggle as someone else to show that person compassion or to be a bright spot in his day. We just need to care.
There's a fear: we won't say the right thing. We'll make matters worse. We better just say
nothing at all because we really cannot even imagine what that person is going through.
It's not true.
Even if we cannot seem to walk that mile in someone else's shoes, we are still capable of
standing beside them to be a supporter until the day they learn to smile again.
Small actions matter more than we know.
Even in writing the first 400 love letters, I never thought I actually made a difference in the world. I couldn't believe that I was significant or that it mattered I was here.
Little did I realize I was making a difference in the lives around me, not just letter by letter but small action by small action. Showing presence to another person. Answering the phone instead of texting. Holding the door open. Putting my words out into the world. These small things often seem too tiny to make a difference, but ripple effects come from a single action. Impact only needs one person to start touching dozens and dozens of lives.
Just yesterday, a young man in Australia tweeted that he had just left a love letter at his university. He sent me a picture. Not even twenty-four hours later, a woman named Ellen found that love letter and sent me back an email saying she had been dealing with feelings of doubt and sadness, and so the letter she found was the best thing she could read to make it better.
Sometimes it takes something as small as leaving a letter, doing a favor, or giving advice to create a ripple effect.
Sometimes a ripple effect is waiting for you; you simply have to start.
Reprinted with permission. This article first appeared on PositivelyPositive. Hannah
Brencher is a writer, speaker, and creator pinning her passion to projects that bring the
human touch back into the digital age. After spending a year writing and mailing over 400
love letters to strangers across the world, Hannah launched The World Needs More Love
Letters in August 2011—a global organization fueled by volunteer "letter writers,' now in fifty states and forty-seven countries.
In the interim they want a)postage, b)commissary funds, c)legal representation. I'll cut to the chase and provide you with the bio on Mr Pinson's legal team. Take a fresh look and see whether he was afforded the representation MANDATED by our court system and the quality of his representation. My answer would be a resounding YES. IMO, his defense was competent. There are just some cases (we have many here in the US) in which there is no defense. In the case of Mr. Pinson - his defense was mental illness.
I'll reiterate that I am not without empathy. The fact is that as these inmates wind down through their appeals, there are not many options. The Innocence Project has a backlog and that is IF new evidence (DNA) could possibly exonerate them. I have not seen any suggestion of that in the case of Pinson OR Clarke (the two you and I have sparred over).
At the risk of boring you - I'll ask AGAIN why you're ignoring your own children to infiltrate this segment of the US population.
One thing I do know - this blog is widely read. There are others with the time, the knowledge and perhaps resources to throw their way. My crystal ball says you're none of the above.
My personal feeling? You're using this like a dating site. I take umbrage with that FOR ONE REASON ONLY....IT'S NOT REAL, IT SOLVES NOTHING AND IT IS NARCISSISTIC.
Please take care of your children. THEY are the future.
The rubbish you post here is so misguided... what are you even talking about "the Innocence Project" Jeremy is not innocent of the crimes he is serving time for (he has said that himself), nor is he on death row so the Innocence Project is of no relevance to him whatsoever. As for Mr Clarke, I left one response, on one blog about his education and that is all.
As Jeremy said in this post, to people like you... "one injustice deserves another". It is clear that we are on opposite sides of the fence as far as our views on justice go. You come here from a retributive stand point, where as my views are aligned with restorative justice. How about we just leave it at that. Personal attacks are childish and unwarranted.
I don't understand why you insist on attacking me, when I come here from a place of learning and friendship, and I have no need for your ridiculous advice or misguided insight into who I am as a person. The noise you create here is just that. Something I read this morning actually made me think of you & this is my parting advice to you...
Only speak if what you say is more beautiful than silence.
(Please excuse my language Jeremy)
I've showed your blog (and your case) to some of my friends. I'll show it to more. I'm hardly capable of bearing the grief you have to suffer..I just wanted to encourage you to survive the torture and be able to reach your goals reforming the criminal justice system of your country one brighter day.. Human beings are able to perform extraordinary things. I strongly believe in the idea of human rights, as a fundamental necessity for healing the sickness of every society.
When I read this posting, tears filled my eyes so that I couldn't see the screen clear enough to read further. You attempted suicide on the day I turned 27.. I'm deeply hurt. There is acutely no comment, that I can add to this. I'm sorry..
I'm already writing to someone, whose situation is comparable to yours and my resources are limited. But I can tell you, that at least you have one more listener to your voice, from now on. And I appreciate your voice and everything of your life which you want to share with the world.
Nicki, allow me to thank you for bringing light and warmth in places, where people are strongly in need of those.
You both, can feel yourselfs hugged by me!
P.s: Belated best wishes for your birthday, Jeremy!