Reply: g4av 12-21-12

Young Will -

Your (12-4) kites just landed tonight, responding separately to both my Nov 6th and 11.11 blogs. But before I write you back about what you wrote... I want to tell you that Patty did print out that FB pic for me of you holding yer young'in, standing next to Yashua. Looking good, buddy! You are blessed, aren't you.

Now... "what's your take", ye ask, regarding Haven's mom and you? How do you type it - idk? Maybe I can tell you about a few of my own experiences in this dept., and you can glean what you will from them.

Your mom was running wild when I met her, and your gma was raising B + J, who were about 5-6yrs. at the time. I guess there was a period of around 9 moons or so, that your mom and I were living and playing together... testing the waters, as it were. Anyhow, while I was off to work - driving truck for United Vanlines all day, she'd take off in my car (sans a driver's license) instead of sitting around all day waiting for me to return - and she'd be real mindful to park it right back exactly where I left it so as I wouldn't know. What do you think I did? I figured that if she was so careful to park it exactly where I had left it... then she was most likely being just as careful when driving it - regardless where she went. I think she was 21-22yrs. at the time - a grown woman who I dearly adored for her free-spirit ways. How did I have any right to restrict that free loving spirit of hers that I adored so much? There was no way that she could have disappointed me, because I loved her for her - not for what I had appointed her to be "for me". Sure, there were a few times she'd piss me off and I'd drop her off back at her mom's apt. and then go tap some strange - but that was just a way for me to make her understand that when she dares to push my buttons, my reaction is simply to move on with my own life rather than appear needy and resentful, as most lames are prone to do.

Well... my mom died that first year I was out and I ended up going back in with a DUI, and that's when your mom got prego with you. Yer gma thought for sure that I'd kill her when I got back out [devil face] but look dude... she had a free loving spirit I adored, so I couldn't blame her for being herself. Her life was hers - not mine to "manage" - and besides that, she makes beautiful blue-eyed babies, so I couldn't hate for that. :) <3 Now, is that love or not? We got back together (and I "got even" - with her best friend), and I was there at her side for your first breath. Within months tho, she was leaving me alone with you boys for days at a time while she was out doing her own thing. Apparently she thought - well, I don't know what she was thinking... that I needed a place to stay? But as much as I loved you guys, I wasn't going to be a lame live-in babysitter, so I packed up my things and went to get Michael's mom prego. But damn it, I really was in love with your mom, and when she learned that she'd lose me if she couldn't respect me, we got back together. She found Jesus about this time, and understood true love, and we conceived Yashua... and the rest you pretty much know.

My point in all this is: if and when you truly love someone, you can set 'em free - free to be whoever they want to be at that stage in their life. We can't own anyone and expect them to be exactly as we wish. We all know right from wrong - and if we want to make a relationship work, we will do what is right... right?

Let me tell you what I know about relationships, by the way. There are three components which influence them most: Affinity, Reality, Communication. If you look at 'em as a triangle thusly:

A
/\
R--C, you can see how each one of these influence the others. For example: if there is poor Communication, then you'll share a recondite Reality and consequently develop a weak Affinity. Conversely, if there is honest Communication and a clear Reality to co-operate within, then the Affinity will become strong, and an optimal relationship will ensue - naturally.

Oh yea, always keep in mind that many of us were raised in dysfunctional families which set the stage for the rest of our lives - and until we come to terms with our past, then our future will certainly be affected by it. In your case - if I may - I'd venture to say that as many times as yer mom (and me too) took off out'a your life - for whatever period of time - you probably have deep-seated abandonment issues that you never consider when you'd rather push the woman in your life away that you care about, before they get a chance to really hurt you somehow - you see? Once you acknowledge this phenomenon of vulnerability is behind your rash reactions, you can then develop a little more patient and communication skills to get you through life's many opportunities for weal or woe.

So there you have it son - this is what I think. Consider your past... and hers... which you both need to process and come to terms with if you want to work on a future together, with the optimal ARC relationship. Those ancient Greeks had GNOTHI SEAUTON engraved up on their temples for a reason.

I do pray for you all and wish you all the best in every way.

Happy New Year!

Be blessed.

P.S. I will reply to yer other kite (jwfr) soon, and I think that I might write a few words to yer mom <3 too, if you will convey them to her for me please.