hey Dad its yashua, thank you for posting the letter and wishing me a happy birthday it really does mean a lot to me. Yep im finally 18 now and I moved out and everything, im looking for a job right now and will hopefully get one soon. I like to believe that there is a lesson in every situation that God allows to be a part of our lives or should I say allows our lives to be a part of, a lesson that we can learn from. I believe that I have gained a lot of wisdom in my years and am pretty wise for my age, i say this at the risk of sounding conceited which I can assure that I'm not, it's just that a lot of people have commented on the wisdom that I have shared with them to help them better their lives in some way. I enjoy that, helping people with the wisdom that is a blessing to you from God to begin with, that you should not selfishly keep to yourself when you know in your heart and soul that people need to hear it if not just to give them a push in there journey to better understand themselves, life, and the way that life works. I believe that that is a big part of the calling that God has blessed me with. As of today however and for the past two weeks for that matter I have been in a dangerous place in my life as far as what I feel comfortable doing in my spare time, and in the time that i don't have to spare for that matter, a place that some people never come back from and spend their whole life batting to leave the hell that is life as they know it in actuality that is not a life that should be lived by even your greatest foes. I have witness the destruction that this life choice brings upon a person and there family and yet I couldn't help but allow the wonder of how the experience would be overcome the memories of the pain that it bestowed on my family and I.

But as I did what I always sworn to the world and everybody that inhabited it I would never in my life do I couldn't help but feel so comfortable doing it, like my body recognized it instantly as the food that I received so long ago in my mothers womb, like it was what I should have been doing all along, like I have done it so many times before that it was like a second nature to me. It's a scary time in life when something starts to change the way you talk, think, act, look, and feel in such a short amount of time and your just slowly watching it happen day by day reminded of what you are becoming, the very thing that you tried so hard for so long to get away from because of the lifestyle and pain that it brings to you and those around you. Will I find myself doing this thing that has brought me pain for so long tomorrow? possibly, but when will I stop? The truth is I have no idea, and i dont know where this road leads but I better buckle up I guess cause I'm on it and boy am I going fast. I'm sorry if this upsets you to have to hear this but I want to be totally honest about myself with you so that you will always be totally honest with me about yourself. I love you Dad and I pray that this simple comment on your blog will bring you some sort of happiness in your heart although I may have ruined those chances by telling you where I am as of right now. I hope to hear from you soon, God bless you dad, your son always and forever Yashua