"True loyalty is an unshakable force. The difficulty is in determining where a person's allegiance lies. Often that bond is only to oneself." - Duncan Idaho (from "Sandworms of Dune" by Brian Herbert + Kevin G. Anderson.

Dear Readers, 7/19/13

Howdy! Please forgive me, but I've had 3 awful days in a row + I feel the need to vent.

It all started 2 days ago. A bunch of guys, myself included, were all called to the Lieutenant's office to speak to SIS (investigative staff). There were at least 15 of us called up + we were all lined up before lunch. When the CO told me to go up there, my hands were shaking cause I was so nervous. I've been locked up 3 times since last Sept. for nothing.

Fortunately, this time it didn't turn out badly. They questioned different guys about different things, but for the most part we were asked about guys selling their drugs from pill line. They sell different pain killers + things, neurotin (sp?), oxcarbazepine (sp?), methadone, etc.

The SIS Lt. said my name was only brought up once (fortunately!) so she didn't really think I was involved. I told her I didn't know anything (wink/wink), + since I'm broke I can't afford anything, so I didn't have any problems. Thank the Goddess!

That same day my best friend Dawn was drug tested for these same substances, but some "rats" spoke to SIS on "her" behalf + she got out of it.

Then yesterday, after having gone to bed at 1:00 AM, I was woken up at 5:30 AM to go to the medical center next door to see the eye doctor. That was awful. There was a huge crowd + I was one of the last to be seen. We left here at 7:30 AM + didn't get back until almost 3:00 PM + I only saw the doctor for about a half hour, + most of that time was spent waiting for my eyes to dilate.

Also yesterday, two guys went to the Hole in connection with the questioning from the previous day about selling their meds.

Then there's today. I got an email from my best friend Pam stating that her husband doesn't want her to help me with any financial matters anymore. Now, she has not sent me any of her money at all in several years. He stopped that one several years ago. So, what has she done? In April she sent me $70 which she owed me for some crocheted stuff which she bought + she sent a check of mine for a loan I took out on my life insurance to the business office. In other words, she only forwarded a check from a company. That's it all year.

7/25
Back! Moving on...I checked my account for an entire year, + the 2 things I mentioned above are the only 2 things she's done for over a year. I'm sure I could go back further.

So, this bastard that she's married to is only being spiteful + hateful. I know he's going to keep putting restrictions on our friendship until he ends it. So far I can't call her on her home phone (just her cell). I can't mail any of my personal books to her, then Jim decided I couldn't send any crocheted items also. This isn't going to stop. He is very controlling + I suspect abusive.

So, now I have zero help at all. Unless Pan's sister is willing to do something I'm screwed. But so far her sister doesn't even email me so that looks doubtful.

I sent Pam a few emails about this 'cause I was so upset. I've never spoken up against her husband before, but I now asked what could be the justification for all this + said it was only out of spite. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. It's so very hard to get anything done by yourself from prison + I've handled most everything entirely by myself.

That's another thing that's so depressing. Most everyone - + especially the other "bitches" on the compound, all have help. The other "girls" not only have outside help, but guys in here are always buying them things. NO ONE does shit for me. No one.

In other news...this past Monday was a good day. I got a new job as an orderly in North Carolina unit (where my Big Crush lives - even though he couldn't care less). As an orderly, I can usually finish my job in one hour a day instead of the 6 or so hours a day I was working at Rec - and for the same pay!

Also on Monday, I was finally able to move out of the cubicles + got a cell! Yeh!! Finally! I'm by myself so far + I'm going to ride this out as long as I can. I'm planning on having the cell repainted next week (they're all gray) 'cause it looks like crap in here. I'm burning oil on my lamp so it smells great.

However...yesterday my best friend "Dawn" did end up going to the Hole because of the previous drug test. It appears the "rats" lied to "Les" + did nothing to help. "She'll" probably be gone for several months 'cause that's a very serious "shot." Damn. I'm gonna miss that bitch.

I [illegible] got my 2nd nipple pierced yesterday, but it's too shallow + I need to get it re-done. Unfortunately, my nipple is still too sore + swollen + I can't get the damn pin out. Crap!

Love + Blessings,

Kelly