Solitary

Minutes turn into hours and hours
into days as I lay here in the somber
cell that many like myself consider a
casket. A cold reclusive place where
I've been sentenced to die. It feels as if
I'm trapped between time and some null
nonexistent void. An abstract creature
lost in abyss with no other life organism.
With the reality of time and the world
locked in perpetual limbo it seems as
if the moving image of eternity stands
still while the rest of lie passes me
by. Thoughts and images of my past
memories have become my only friend.
I've learned to recall memories from the
past and use those images to escape the
present. I continuously find myself
living in a world that used to be surviving
on the same patterns repeated over and
over again. Holding onto my memories
like a mother does her child. Scared to
let them go out of fear that they may
become lost forever. Welcome to my
world where friends and loved ones
come and go like clouds in the sky.
I've become a slave to the stillness
around me. Even the company of a spider
outside of my window becomes euphoric.
How can a persons existence mean so
much to one and so little to another?
There are days I feel helpless but all
I can do is continue to dream. Recalling
the days I had women and didn't care
about them. I used to ignore the heart's
immortal thirst to be completely known and
all forgiven. But now women become my
sole focus, my inner most desire. I
remember their touch. the velvety softness
of their skin. The sweet smell of perfume.
The tickle of women's hair as it runs across
my face. A lifetime of memories and now as
days turn into months and months into years.
I begin to forget. Surrounded by this cold heavy
steel and concrete I've forgotten what it's like to
be warm. Thoughts of the future bring with it
feelings of despair. Then I find myself wondering
if I can do this for the rest of my life or if a
moment of suicidal pain is worth a lifetime
of freedom.

Love Kiyoshi