Le Fleur du Mal

Okay, it's been a long time since I have written to this blog. The cancer has finally spread to both sides of my chest, and I am getting weaker by the day. So it is hard to focus.

Hello to any loved one who may be wondering about Randy Chaplin.

On Saturday, I played guitar and sang Born on the Bayou, The Thrill is Gone, and Pride and Joy in the California Medical Facility Gym. The musical groups Barrios Unidos came in and played as well. It was great to see and hear them again. I did a good job, but I couldn't wait to sit down in my wheelchair. Exhausting. My singing voice is so tricky. One minute, I have it. The next, it's gone.

I talked with my sister Roseanna recently. I love and miss her terribly.

I don't like being redundant, but I'm so very ashamed of my crimes, and my nieces and nephews deserve so much better than the way I have behaved. I am so sorry to Troy and Tawn and Johnny and Perry, to Allison and Type, and Jami and Jarry, Steve and Michael. I could have been a much better uncle. I love them and their children.

There was a time when I had "good friends' too, but like everything, I destroyed those friendships. If you know or knew me, they you know how sorry I am for turning into a total loser! Sometimes I wonder. Did I really have good friends? It doesn't seem like it now. But I love you so much and without you, I am a nobody.

I don't mind dying alone. I just heard Gregg laugh in my mind. I'm so full of it. I'm not alone at all. :P Neener, neener, neener! I'm gonna keep fighting to live and even though that's what success means to me, that's enough.

So Nana, Kenny, Linda, Chris, Joy and Ron, Rose and Jamie, and on and on to all the folks I miss—I believe in trying again. And so I pray the good Lord Jesus Christ gives me that chance. God bless you, God keep you in his loving arms.

Until later, bless your heart.

Randy Chaplin
5/9/56

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