9/25/11
9:40 PM

One Deep

I'm sitting back, reflecting on things that been coming my way the past couple weeks. I've come to the conclusion: I'm one deep and I need to keep it "g". It's crazy to me to feel so emotionally screwed up, but then, I guess I always been that way. LOL

Okay, seriously, I was sitting back really thinking about a few things that have been eating my lunch. I've always been me. With any person I have been with, I have been me. You know, by nature, I am independent, confident, and strong-minded. Sometimes, that gets me in trouble and at times people don't like that about me. For me, to be as laid back as I am today, tells me that there has been a change in me.

Looking back to what I got in the mail last Monday, two things came to mind: 1. someone would've been straight roasted, 2. I wouldn't feel any remorse for number 1. LOL It's sad but true. I took time to think and not let anger get the best of me. Reality checked me: Nikkie, you are one deep.

I think people got it twisted. They know I love God and want to follow His will for me. They fail to realize there's a beast inside this small package and boy ain't nothing nice to tangle with that. Betta ask someone, there's plenty that know the beast. It's a part of my flesh. I'm amazed I got the self-control I got today.

I learned something from the hates in my life. If I didn't have them, then I wasn't doing nothing. They sharpened me in major ways. They taught me to stand alone and ride one deep. In the end, I knew I'd always have my back.

The thing is some people I never thought would be real with me have been with me. There is a lot going: a battle within my heart. Never have I found myself fighting such a conflict. It's always been a simple choice when it came to staying or leaving. Not this time. It's like my mind is telling me, "We been doing this one deep." And yeah, I've been grinding that way for a long time. Now I'm trying to live my life the way God requires me to. I know I am no longer one deep, but it's not easy. It's like the trials are to better me. I'm just tired of them.

Yet there's more trials coming. if not tomorrow, soon. How do I know? Well, I asked for them. Yep, sometimes I got to do things one deep and walk it out. My fiery trials aren't half as bad as what I've walked through in the past. I guess people want me to lose my backbone. Now, that won't ever happen. Not now, not ever. Being tough helped me to survive. People ought to count they blessings that my mouth and pen are being flip. They just don't understand, do they? Naw, I don't think so.

One deep,
I'm straight riding
Mastermind
I'm now grinding
Twisted up
But I'm down
Quit trippin'
Or I'ma down
One deep
Been round da block
Held on
Now stake stock
I'm real
To myself I'm true
No time
To play with you
One deep
Get in gear
I'm rolling
My time is near
Gonna move
Then turn a page
Stand tall
My life's been changed
One deep
Tryin' to figure it out
One deep, that's what I'm talking about