Well, 37 years of experience, half of them in the penal system. I suppose it is a good way to scare someone straight. I am not sure the benefit of a father on the phone is really worthwhile however.

My mother was not in the penal system, but was largely locked up in the psychiatric system. I often think I might have been better off not having her calls, etc.

I am curious though how one gains love for someone when you have never been there for that individual? While it is true that admiration and a sense of familial ties could be there... Is it possible to reciprocate love for someone who has not, and will not ever be there for another person, based on their own actions?

It is sad that your sister will have nothing to do with you, but again... What do you bring to the table in that relationship? Familial ties are often simply a matter of genetics, and we cannot choose our families, but are able to choose how we interact with them.

There used to be a term bandied about called a psychic vampire. I often thought of my mother that way in my younger years. You see, she brought nothing to the table in terms of a relationship reciprocity. She was a drug user, quite possibly bi-polar and a whole host of other issues, but more importantly was never able to physically provide for me, on a financial or even emotional basis. Typically, our relationship consisted of her telling me "what a good mother she tried to be" and how she "wished things had been different" all the while telling me she loved me. Most times, this was followed up with a request that I provide money or something for her... Towards the end, she asked me to donate to a nunnery that she somehow became involved with.

As I grew older, I realized that the only thing my mother had ever really done for me was to give advice from behind a partition or in a group monitored setting that had no real basis in reality. Her actions (the drugs) put her where she was, and no amount of religious fervor, manufactured points of advice, declarations of love, or any sort of communication on her part changed the fact that she was not there for me, and as a result.... Made my childhood a living hell.

I looked at it as a crucible of sorts. In spite of her not being there causing an endless parade of foster homes, sexual abuse, constant bullying and misery throughout school, I still managed to make it through life, and would be considered quite successful by most peoples standards.

My point is, your daughter may very well succeed as a result of you not being there, and her life may be better as a result. It's not a guarantee, of course.... But it is a possibility.

My mom? She died alone, at her back door, in the hot summer sun, and was not found for over a week, because nobody gave a damn about her... Due to her own actions. Sad to some people...indifference on my end, as she was never truly there for me.