Transcription
TRULINCS 23038076 - LUMMUS, ALLAN CRAIG - Unit: BAS-H-A
FROM: 23038076
TO: [redacted]
SUBJECT: MP 14 Continuation 9-11 Stimulus
DATE: 10/04/2011 06:33:19 PM
9-28-11
MP.14
9-11 Stimulus... continued
Ignorance is a devastatingly accurate description of my psychological and spiritual state during the entirety of 2001-2009. By refusing to address my internal existential crisis, I projected the crisis outside me and onto spouse, marriage, job. I sought pleasure through pleasurable activities like music, sex, internet, and activism.
The path of ignorance led to pain and suffering not only to me, but for my loved ones too. Particularly for my spouse, son, parents, and siblings. Much harder to handle.
On the one hand, I am in a much better place today than I have been in my whole life. Prison forced me to face my crisis of self. With all my illusions lying shattered on the floor, I began to reluctantly view myself more honestly for the first time. The past three years allowed me to build from scratch an accurate self that sustained me through the first two years of prison. Today, I have a daily path that both reinforces my strengths and addresses many of my weaknesses.
But, on the other hand, my exuberance with new growth is tempered by grief. Grief in the loss of a marriage, partner, friend in C. Failing to be that good husband who stays with her through it all. Failing to be that good friend whose shoulder could be cried on. Failing to be. Succeeding in destroying the trust we had in us, her in me. In not being. Haunted by the loss in her eyes as we said goodbye for the first and only time in a prison visiting room.
Goodbye, my love. Goodbye, my heart. Goodbye. Tear. Next? Silence.
Mindful Prisoner
Other posts by this author
|
2017 sep 12
|
2017 may 31
|
2017 feb 23
|
2017 jan 15
|
2016 dec 11
|
2016 nov 26
|
More... |
RSS
Replies (2)
A tribute to the power of the written word. Keep it up, Allan.
George