Sept. 12, 2017

A Year To Go

by Allan Lummus




FROM: 23038076
TO: Clf Prison Ministry, The
SUBJECT: Year to go
DATE: 08/27/207 06:03:33 PM

mp 100 A year to go 8.28.17

I have my halfway house date: 8.16.18. This is about a year from now. Longer than I wanted but still, a hard date. I have been accepted by the halfway house I wanted in my hometown: Memphis. After some moaning about not getting longer halfway house (which would have put me in Memphis sooner), I realized I should be thankful that I did have the Memphis halfway house accept me, and that I will be in Memphis on my son's birthday. Nice serendipity there.

So how am I going to face the last year? I need to take each day as a little training period. Each day needs a little bit of all the things that makes my life good: meditation, exercise, journaling, socialization, fun, studying and learning. Weekly, I need to make sure I have writing and music to add to the normal daily mix.

I will be tempted to live in the future on 8.16.18. But I must stay on what I am today. This will be a mindfulness practice like no other.

Another regular mindfulness practice is playing chess with T. I have realized how my negative self-judgment is pushed with losing games. So playing chess and losing (for the most part) is helping me work on letting go of my harsh negative self-appraisals.

I talked with son about how I am struggling with letting go of my past actions and how every future choice is shaped and limited by the past. So instead of ignoring the fact of those limitations (due to prison and SO charge), I can acknowledge those factors and use them as motivation to act differently in the present. My past as motivation to act wisely in th enow.

I can test that theory every day.

mindful prisoner | | allan lummus #23038076 | PO Box 1010 Bastrop, TX 38602


Replies (6) Replies feed

Cavak Posted 6 years, 8 months ago. ✓ Mailed 6 years, 8 months ago   Favorite
That's great news that you found a halfway house already. You can do this last year!

If you can, try to get in touch with Benny Lee of National Alliance for the Empowerment of the Formerly Incarcerated (NAEFI). NAEFI is a non-profit that promotes a healthy transition into society through mentoring and moral support.

Here's some contact information of his non-profit if you want to try to get some early help and support:

5820 West Chicago Ave
Chicago, IL 60651
Phone: 773-921-1990

From one stranger to another, I'm hoping for the best for you and your loved ones.

Mardee Posted 6 years, 1 month ago. ✓ Mailed 6 years, 1 month ago   Favorite
Hey, Allan. So, you're coming back to Memphis? Glad you're doing well.

Gillian Posted 5 years, 8 months ago. ✓ Mailed 5 years, 7 months ago   Favorite
Hello, my name is Gillian, and I am researching to publish an essay about the systematic racism in the prison system. I’ve worked with non-profits to uncover specific issues in the prison system that we can work to alleviate. I wanted to reach out and ask if you would be interested in answering some questions about what you’ve experienced. I know this may be a sensitive topic, so please if answer where you feel comfortable. If you want to describe events but feel the need to use “Jane/John Doe,” please do. Your name will not be used.

What is your race/ethnicity?
What age were you when you first enter the prison system?
If you don’t mind me asking, what was the first crime you committed to put you behind bars?
Were you given a cash bond?
How many times were you in and released from jail?
What prison are you in now? I.e. max security, death row, etc.
Are you treated differently in the facility than those of other race/ethnicities?
How are your friends treated?
Do you know anyone of a different race who has committed the same crime as you, but has a different sentence?

Thank you for your time. I really hope that this publication can shed some light on the systematic racism in the justice system. I want to use my career to helping those who feel left behind by the government, and your answers could be the first step in helping someone else.

I look forward to hearing from you.


Personallyviolated Posted 5 years, 5 months ago.   Favorite
Allan Lummus, you have never taken accountability for what you did. I have read every single one of your entries and I am sick to my stomach with the responsibility that you shirk for what you've done to your family. Until you acknowledge fully the atrocities you committed towards those who trusted and loved you most, you will never heal.
I wish I spoke up sooner, but I was so young and naive. That gut-wrenching intuition I felt so many times as a child was not from nothing. I saw the evidence and dealt with it firsthand. You've never been legally held accountable for your heinous abuse, but you know what you did. We know what you did. And I will never let you forget. I am always watching you. It's time you own up to the other horrendous crimes you committed, the pain and confusion that you inflicted on someone who trusted you implicitly. Until then, I hope guilt rots your body from the inside-out.
I have written this letter to you so many times over the last decade, but there are no words that bring justice to how you've made your family feel. How dare you sit on your pedestal, fooling all those who didn't truly know you, begging for forgiveness for the least severe of your crimes. Consider yourself immeasurably lucky that you were not legally held accountable for your perverse actions to your own. I have been sitting on these feelings for years and years. And while you bask in your glorious self-righteousness and unearned redemption, my anger grows. I will never forget. You will never fool me.

mindfulprisoner Posted 5 years, 3 months ago.   Favorite
Hi,this is from Allan from the free world. I have completed my halfway house time in Kentucky and now back in Memphis, TN. Thanks for all who read my blog and left comments. You can reach me at Peace.

mindfulprisoner Posted 5 years, 3 months ago.   Favorite

thank you for expressing your compassion for those who were harmed by my actions. I assure you that I have taken seriously the harm I have done. I have communicated that to professionals who have helped me both acknowledge the harm of my past actions and just as importantly learn to become aware of my triggers for past escape into alcohol, porn and sexual chat. I have learned new coping mechanisms to respond in healthy ways that harms no one (others or me). I have dedicated the past 10 years to recreating a healthy and safe way of relating to my own life and those around me. I can never make amends for my past actions. I can only make a life amends. Making sure no will ever again be harmed by my actions in the present and future. Personallyviolated may you find the peace and love that you deserve.

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