Tears From My Fears of My Triggers
Play excerpt

Characters

Cushion (Constance): Hat on backwards, baggy pants, shirt, low self-esteem
Robbi (Corinne): Hot-tempered, snappy, impulsive, hat to the side, shirt ties around waist, baggy pants, suspenders, large T-shirt
NayNay (Rene): Vest, pants, T-shirt a little snug, confident, loud, stands up for others
Element (Ella): Scarf on head, properly fitted dress, shy, soft-spoken
Kyle (Kelvin): Soft-spoken, baggy clothes, braids, tattoos
Tank (Tavis): Militant, loud, pushy, skinny jeans, black beret
Babbs (Anthony): Big guy, slow, stutters, clothes too small
Word (Warren): Skinny, flashy clothes, jewelery, outspoken
Stage manager: black suit, hat, white shirt, tie
Old lady: Homeless clothing, shopping bag

Scene
At the left side of stage, kitchen, table four chairs, counter, knife on counter. Women lounging around drinking tea. At right of stage, widescreen TV, counch, chair, guys watching sports.

Stage manager: (walks to center of stage) Good afternoon, ladies and gents. I just want to bring your attention to the guys for a moment. You will notice they are wearing clown faces. Though it is only makeup, it represents their true stories. You see, that makeup represents the old lives these guys once lived or what they witnessed in others. (Walk to right of stage behind guys.) I must inform you beforehand: what you witness now would be what you would have witnessed had you seen these guys before their transformation. So, with that said, I will let them take it from here. Guys, if you would please. (leaves stage)

Word: (rolls eyes) Damn, Cushion, you gonna bring me that damn beer or what? Am I gonna have to get off my ass and get it my damn self? Shit. I swear, Cushion, if it wasn't for word junior, I would have left you sorry worthless ass a long time ago.
Cushion: (downcast eyes) I'm sorry, honey. 'Coming.
Word: (shakes head, looks at Kyle) I swear... that woman is an idiot to no end.
Cushion: Why don't you stop acting like that, Word? We're having a good time and you don't have to keep calling her names, putting her down like you do.
Word: And why don't you stay out of my business, Nay? Ain't nobody talking to you.
NayNay: (staring at Word) All right, watch your mouth, Word. I wouldn't be in your business if you wasn't putting my girl down like that. As a matter of fact, why don't you make me shut up?
Word: Tank, holla at you girl, man. How you gonna let her get at yo boy like that?
Tank: Man, you know Nay once you get her started. If you don't want none, I suggest you don't start none. Come on, man, we watchin' the game anyway.
Word: And yo woman runnin' her mouth. I get it though, you a ho just like her. Y'all belong together.
NayNay: (charge across stage) Who you callin' a ho, punk? You a ho. (stands in front of Word)
Word: Come on, Nay. Move out of my way. (tries to look around her)
NayNay: (pokes him on forehead) Or what? What you gonna do?
Word: T, man, why don't you get your girl? This shit ain't cool, man.
NayNay: Why don't your tough ass get me? I seen how you be staring at my ass, lusting over me and shit. Yeah, I know all about your lil' nasty ass.
Word: You trippin', Nay. Ain't nobody looking at you.
NayNay: Bullshit. You's a damn lie. You sayin' I ain't good enough to look at?
Cushion: (cross stage, hands beer can to Word) Here you go, baby. I'm sorry for taking so long. It won't happen again. Now, can we just stop all of this arguing?
Word: (snatches the beer, jumps to feet, points) The hell you just say? You keep yo punk ass outta my damn business, you hear me? (kicks Cushion's ass when she turns)

NayNay swings at Word. He leaps out of the way. Tank grabs NayNay, wraps arms around her.

Tank: Come on, Nay. Don't be like this.
NayNay: (frowning, kicks at the smiling Word) This asshole thinks this shit is funny. You better tell his ass something about that disrespectful shit. I'm Cushion. I don't have to take his shit, and I'm not.
Tank: Okay, baby, you right. (walks NayNay back to other girls, steps back to couch)
Robbi: (shakes head) Girl, you are alright. (helps Cushion to seat) I don't know why you take his shit
NayNay: Because her ass is silly, that's why.
Element: (glances over, then looks at hands, whispering) That's not right.
NayNay: (heavy breathing, nose flaring) You damn right that ain't right. His ass lucky I don't kick him in his funky ass. (plops down on seat)
Element: I mean you calling Cushion silly. It ain't right to say it. (glances at NayNay, back at her hands, kneading her ress)
NayNay: Don't start, El. I don't need to hear your shit too. You know Word ain't right. (crosses legs)
Element: I know, but neither are you by calling Cushion names. She's our friend.

Babbs: (tears in eyes) That wasn't cool, hitting on your girl like that, Word. My mama say...
Word: The hell with what yo mama say, boy. With yo stuttering ass. I don't give a damn what yo mama say. She ain't my damn mama. If I wanna kick my woman in the ass, I'm gonna kick that ho in her ass and she gonna like it too. Yo fat stuttering ass ain't got no business in mine. Just like Nay ain't. You need to be concerned about your own retarded ass, girl. That's what you need to be concerned about: your own retarded ass, girl. That's what you need to be worried about.
Kyle: Can we just watch the damn game? Shit. (looks left then right) Ain't that what the hell we're here for? Damn.
Tank: Kyle is right y'all. Let's everybody chill out.

TV volume is louder, sound of football game heard.

Kyle: Run the damn ball, man!

Tank, Word jump to their feet, shout at TV

Kyle: That's what I'm talking about. That's how you run a damn football. (High fives Tank)
Robbi: (still looking at hands) One of these days, something bad is going to happen to your man for what he does to you. That ain't right for nobody to do to somebody else.
Cushion: (brushes hair from Robbi's face) It's all right, Robbi. Word doesn't mean any harm. He probably just got excited over the game. He's not usually like that.
Robbi: (looks up, caresses Cushion's cheek) Girl, when a guy gets excited over a stupid sports game, he may yell, scream, and do a little ugly dance. But he never hits his girl, let alone kicks her. What's next? I'll tell you what's next. If you don't stop it from happening now because, obviously, he's too stupid to stop on his own, it's going to escalate into something more damaging, and I don't want to see you hurting like that.

Cushion clears throat, looks down at hands in lap

Robbi: (frowns, looking at Cushion) Cush, tell me he's not hitting you on a regular basis.
NayNay: Cush, if he's hitting you, I want you to tell us right now.
Cushion: (glances at guys, looks away, nods head) Once...
Robbi: He did?
NayNay: (jumps to feet) I knew that little bastard wasn't right. I told Tank about his ass. That's fucked up.
Element: (surprised) How come you didn't say anything before, Cush? You could have come and stayed with me and Babbs. We have plenty of room in our apartment.
Cushion: Can we just drop this? Word hit me one time because he was drunk and I deserved it because I broke one of his rules.
NayNay: Rules? What the hell do you mean rules, Cushion? How the hell is he gonna rule you up like that and his punk ass don't even know how to follow rules his own damn self? I told him not to break my rule by coming over my house, but he didn't listen to that. So, I should have the right to hit his ass. That's what you're telling me, right?
Cushion: That's different, Nay...
NayNay: No, the hell it ain't either. A hit is a hit, and I'm about to hit his ass.
Cushion: (grabs NayNay by the wrist, pulls her down to the seat next to her) Please, Nay. Don't let Word hear you. Besides, when he hit me, didn't hurt. I just went on with my day after it happened. Y'all acting like y'all ain't never been hit by your man before for getting out of place.
NayNay: Yeah, you're right. It did happen to me before. (Rabbi raises eyebrows) This boy I was going out with in school slapped me for looking at another boy, and I just about kicked his ass all the way to his momma's house with him screaming and crying.
Robbi: Good for you, Nay. But it never happened to me.
Element: Me neither.
NayNay: Now that's a damn shame. If this crazy ass girl (thumbs towards Element) has a man that ain't never hit her before, you can find me one too. No offense, El. I'm just making a point.
Robbi: Kickback, Nay. Cushion is already taking shit from that idiot over there. Putting her down ain't helping any.
NayNay: I can't stand his sorry ass. I wish he would hit me. I'll stab his ass.
Cushion: (loudly) Nay, stop it.
Word: (leans over, frowning) What the hell? Cushion, get yo ass over here, now!
Cushion: (stands, crosses stage) Coming.
Element: See, you got her in trouble. Now he's just going to hit her again.
NayNay: (leaps to feet) Damn that. No the hell he ain't. (crosses stage)

Robbi and Element cross stage, never saw NayNay grab knife from counter top.

Word: (gets to feet, grabs Cushion by shirt) Didn't I tell your ass not to interrupt my damn game? (raises hand to strike her)
NayNay: (slaps Word's head) Hit her and I will stab your ass. If you ever hit her again, I will kill you, asshole.
Kyle: Damn!
Babbs: Whoa!
Tank: (leaps to feet, next to Word, holding NayNay's knife hand) Hold down now, Nay. You ain't gonna cut him.
NayNay: And his ass ain't gotta be hitting my friend either. I ain't going for no shit like that. I'm telling you, Tank, I will stab his punk ass if he does it again. Now get off me. (snatches hand away)
Word: Ho, you got me fucked up. This girl belongs to me.
NayNay: (raises knife) Okay, you know what? I'll show yo ass a ho. I'll show you exactly what this ho can do.
Tank: (grabs NayNay) Hold on, Nay. He didn't mean it.
Word: (frowning) The hell I didn't. I meant every bit of it. Now, you gonna put that punk bitch in check or am I gonna have to do it? Ain't nothing fouler than a rude ass foul mouth ho who ain't got no respect for the rules.
Tank: (points at Word) Watch your mouth now, Word. You in my house and I ain't about to let you get off on my girl like that, man.
NayNay: Then let me go. I'll get off on his ass.
Word: Yep. Spoken like a true ho. But you so sorry, just like your girlfriend, you ain't about to do shit. So, just go back in the kitchen and sit yo ho ass down somewhere. As a matter of fact, why don't all you hoes go in the kitchen and make us something to eat. (shoves Cushion to the floor, laughs) That's where my dog belongs: at my feet.

Cushion clings to Word's leg, crying.

Word: Shut yo punk ass up. Did I say you could cry? (slaps her)
Babbs: (crying, tackles Word) That ain't right!

Kyle, Tank trying to pull Babbs off Ward.

NayNay: 'Bout time. Kick that ass. He deserves it.
Cushion: (crying, yelling) Stop, please!
Word: (scrambles to feet, pulls knife) You done went and fucked up now, fat boy. You don't pull yo damn hands on me.
Kyle: (surprised) What the hell, man? What are you doing with a knife, Word?

Cushion jumps to her feet at the same time Word lunges at Babbs, sinking his knife in her stomach.

Element: No! (falls to her knees)
Word: See what the fuck y'all made me do!?

Robbi catches Cushion, Word eases knife out, goes to stab Babbs. NayNay plunges knife in his back. Word drops knife, falls to floor.

Stage manager: (walks to center of stage) Well, folks, as you can see, your anger can get the best of you if you don't get it in check before it's too late. You wouldn't want to be responsible for something like what happened here. Two deaths and one arrest. Luckily for one of those people involved, it took two weeks for her business to be cleared up and she was cleared on self-defense. But NayNay returned with a different perspective and a little bitterness. See for yourselves. (exits stage right)

Element: (crying) I still miss her.
Robbi: (hugs Element) I know, honey. We all miss Cushion, but we have to be strong for her.
Kyle: Yeah, for both of them. We need to be strong for Word Junior.
NayNay: (twists corner of mouth) I'll be strong for him but not for his daddy. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be shedding tears over such a senseless beautiful loss, and I wouldn't have to report to a probation officer for the next ninety days. So, to hell with his ass.
Kyle: (frowns) Uh-un, Nay. Don't blame your actions on Word. He didn't make you stab him. You did that shit on your own.
NayNay: Yeah, I did. And you could have stopped him from abusing my friend, but you didn't. So, I did. Now, you can call it whatever the hell you want to call it. I don't care.
Tank: Come on, Nay. That ain't no way to act. We lost two friends.
NayNay: You may have lost two, but I only lost one friend. I told you before that I didn't give a shit about that no-good ass woman abuser. I can't understand why you protected him instead of Cushion. She was the one being abused. Shit, that doesn't make you any different than your friend.
Tank: I stayed out of their business, Nay. Just like you should have. (wipes away tear) And now they're both gone. You killed Word and-
NayNay: (frowns, slaps Tank) Don't you ever say that to me again. Even though it shouldn't have happened, his ass got what he deserved.
Babbs: (stopped by Robbi from hugging Element, takes step back and shakes head) This is crazy, man.
Kyle: (rubs Babbs's shoulder) I know, big man. I know. It's too sad, man.
Robbi: Come on, y'all. As sad as it is, we still have to celebrate Cushion, and we should start an awareness campaign in her honor. Hopefully, we can enlighten girls out there on what signs to look for in abuse and hopefully deter guys from doing it in the first place. Maybe this will change their minds, and they learn themselves before going out and hurting someone else. Especially the ones who they claim to love.

Stage manager: (walks to stage) Well, folks, that'll do it. But hold your applause, please. I think you'll find it interesting to hear what these fine actors have to share with you next.

Actors take center stage.

Word: I found it extremely hard and difficult to play as Word because that character emulated my father, who eventually ran off and left my mother. But not before he broke her spirit beyond repair in how he treated her, not only in front of me and my siblings, but also in front of her friends and strangers. Apparently, he had a need for control over his women but could not control his alcohol. That controlled his every waking moment, which was his explanation for degrading my mother for all those years. I saw him years later in a night club of all places, probably looking for another woman to control. When I saw him, he seemed to have forgotten all about how he treated the mother I love. I just wanted to bash his head in. But if I did so, I would be no better than him. I just walked away from him, like he did to me, and never looked back. If he shed any tears over the way he treated my mother, I never saw them. He was my fear to my outer triggers. This is why I can now remove his clown face, rid myself and my mother from my face. My name is Warren Smokefield, on my mother's side.

NayNay: I would just like to say, even though I am totally not like the character I played (I have low self-esteem, I'm calmer and definitely not loud or challenging), I've always been a person who spoke up and a champion for other women. But to truly be honest, that is what tired me somewhat: to stand up for others like Cushion who refused to stand up for themselves. Many times I have cried over that tug-of-war, whether or not to stop trying. I soon developed fears for my triggers that made me cry, my inner emotions, my outer triggers for those people who held control over others, because I wanted to treat them the same way. As you saw in my response to Word. But I realized early on that I mustn't treat even the evil people in such a manner. I also realized that some women can't stand up for themselves without an advocate like me. So, for those Cushions and people like Word, stop and take a look at the damage you're doing. Not only to yourself but to other people as well, before it's too late. No man needs to control or abuse a woman, and no woman has to take that abuse. I remove my clown face for all of you. My name is Rene.

Cushion: I actually did suffer from low self-esteem issues for a long time in my life. I always felt that my peers were always smarter than me, no matter where I went or how many new friends I met. I just felt "less than." It did not help that other kids called me names and made fun of my skin color when I was a little girl. I soon became a withdrawn person with issues being around other people. In high school, I was labeled as the one who would be less likely to excel. I shed fearful tears of my inner and outer triggers. I accepted that I would never be any better than the other kids I met. But I realized I didn't have to be better than anyone else. I could love and be me. So, for that reason alone, I wipe away my old clown face. Because I am a better me. I would like to inform you all, even those who don't believe me, that I did not set out to prove you wrong because that is failure in itself. But today you are all wrong. I am a successful entrepreneur who owns and operates a multi-million dollar business who most of you support in one way or another. I am comfortable in my skin. My name is Constance Myers.

Robbi: For some reasons I failed to discover and were not associated with ADHD, I have always been an impulsive person who did things on whim. I was very impatient, hurrying to go nowhere. Oftentimes, I would have this mad rush within only to discover that I would always be there when I arrived, no matter when that was. My impulsiveness and rushing for nothing was the catalyst that shaped me to be the laid back lady today. I feared my inner triggers knowing that if I had not slowed down to enjoy what life has to offer, it would end too soon. That is why I am able to rid myself of this old clown face today. The old me. My name is Corinne Peabody.

Babbs: Even though Babbs stood for "Big Anthony, Barbara's baby son," it played a part to who I eventually turned to be throughout my life: a third wheel. Something that I grew to hate because it made me feel like I was "less than." Whenever I went out somewhere, it was usually with one of my older brothers and his girlfriend. For a long time, I feared sadness because I thought that was what my life was going to be like for me forever, a third wheel with no personality or individual identity. This would be the biggest reason for telling my poor mother at an early age, "You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself." When I jumped right in to be a father, but, boy, did I have it all wrong. I was young and did not give anything a single thought. Of course, no one grows into adulthood being a third wheel unless they want to be. Had I took the time, I'd realize my brother had a driver's license, a girlfriend, a car. And I did not. So, for all of my foolish undeveloped thoughts, I now take off my clown face. Enjoy your rides when you third wheeling it because once you get behind the wheel of your own independence, you'll have to be responsible for it. My name is Bernard Anthony Berry.

Element: It was scary for me at times to know that even when I slept, my mind never stopped thinking of things I could do or create. I would wake in the middle of the night, writing down ideas from my sleep. And no matter how much I tried to force myself to stop thinking and creating, it never worked. So, I learned to go with the flow of God's gift to me. I remove my clown face to bring new understanding of my gift. My name is Ella.

Kyle: As a man, I learned on my own or believed men weren't meant to be criers or have soft feelings for anything. But the truth of the matter is I also learned I have a fragile heart and soul. My heart fills with warmth, my eyes of tears. I would just like to say to all the stone-hearted guys, I remove my clown face for you in hopes that, from this moment on, you truly open your hearts and no longer refuse to feel and express your inner emotions. Barbarism isn't everything. My name is Kelvin Bonner. My fear for you is that you are afraid to let your emotions fly.

Tank: Because I always talked loud and was too into myself and my own image, I often failed to truly recognize what was happening with my own friends, oftentimes in my own house. I was so close to them yet so far away. I would ask that if you have friends, care about them. Don't be like I was, be a different me. Get to know them and learn when something is affecting them. This is why my clown face is removed today. I regret not being attentive to my friends and family, but I will give them my all today. My name is Travis Ralford, and if you love your friends, give them the attention they need and deserve.

Stage manager: Well, folks, I certainly must confess that I definitely have experienced all of those things you just heard about. Shed tears over fears of my triggers, internally, with sadness, boredom, and plenty of madness in my lifetime. Externally, people and different places affected those triggers. Anything sensory; when I saw and tasted alcohol. You see, folks, I allowed myself to become a shortsighted drunk. Shortsighted because I only saw what I wanted to see. If it was not alcohol and my way, I couldn't see it happening. Now, sure, I'm filled with remorse and empathy for others who witnessed my alcoholism. Sorry, Mr. Warren, I feel for those who are still shortsighted and feel they have to have it their way. My guilt now is far more heavy as a recovered alcoholic and certainly outweighs those ways I thought I needed in my life. I take my hat off to it all and hope that no one becomes alcoholic.