A Heck of a Birthday & Christmas Present

Nov. 30, 2014: 5:00pm: Listening to: Believe By: The Letter Black

Hello everyone.

Today is my 38th Birthday. I feel old. I was okay today up until the guard came to my cell and told me that I am being transferred to another prison on Wednesday December 3rd. This feels like a huge setback from where I am in my life. I have grown. I have become a leader here, someone that is looked up to, respected, and not I must start over again. Each time you go to another prison, people do not know you so you're tried. They attempt to intimidate you physically, sexually, and verbally. So I know that there will be more violence in my immediate future. I thought this was a life I could leave behind forever but I guess not. For some reason, this prison is transferring 200 men to the prison (Smithfield) 5 minutes up the road. Why, I have no clue. We have a guy going with me who has been here for 42 years. He is 80 years old and said if they don't send him back home (back to this prison) he will kill himself. I was pretty shocked to hear that. He is safe here, he would not be picked on by anyone here. But this new prison, he will be taken advantage of. His only protection is to tell on people, or take the abuse until it ceases. I am very frustrated. This ruined my 38th Birthday. I worry because I know this prison and there are gang fights every week. I am in very good shape, I can fight, I can defend myself against 1, possibly 2 attackers, but that's a life I have wanted to leave in the past. I have no stomach for the violence anymore. I don't really know when that left me but it did. So now I will spend the remainder of the night writing to family and friends, informing them of this upcoming move. My mother decided to skip chemo for Thanksgiving. She said she has company coming and doesn't want to be sick. Well I guess she considers her sister company because that's who was coming. But who cares about a holiday, chemo, her life, is more important then a million holidays. So I am very frustrated with her and worried. Well I can't cry over spilt milk and that's what this situation is. So I will move in 3 days and I'll try to pick up and start over again. I will no longer be able to be in the Holy Name Society and I won't be able to put together anymore fundraisers for charity, but hopefully others will pick up where I left off. I had some pretty good workers. Well no matter where my life takes me, my goals is to survive and be someone my Justine and my family would finally be proud of. I will continue to make mistakes but I will also continue to learn from them. This will probably be my last post for this year of 2014, but I hope that 2015 is a better time for us all. I wish you's all a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays with your family and friends. Cherish these times, don't throw them away like I did so many years ago. Take Care, Stay Safe, and God Bless. I'll be back in 2015. Happy New Year to us all.

Ciao.

Prison Dad