Reply ID: fpxh

2/4/15: 7:00 pm: LISTENING TO: Change BY: The Deftones

Maggie,

Well I don't know how to take your comments. Seems as if you're taking shots at me, or maybe you're just being you. I'm not sure why you wanted to revisit my crime from almost 17 years ago but we're gonna get one thing straight. My crime was out of fear & panic. I did not start the fight, I didn't plan it, I didn't want it to happen. Looking back, this was the one fight in my life that I wish I had lost. Did I end a man's life? Yes. I'm not proud of the fact that I have spent most of my life in one jail or another. I was a bad kid, who had no respect for authority and I was extremely rebellious. In order to understand anything that I did that night, you have to have had an incident in your life when you were more afraid of that than anything. I was a 21 year old kid who thought I knew everything. Thought I was the toughest kid around. That mans first punch made me realize that I was in trouble. The entire fight was over in seconds. I don't mean 30, 60, 90, I mean in less than 10 seconds it was over. Why did I dismember him? Fear, panic. If you can't understand that, then you have never been truly afraid.

For the past few years I have done what I can to improve. But the fact is, I'm in prison and this is a bad place. You cannot be an angel in here and continue to survive. So today I decided to get back in the gym and train. And today was a grueling workout with the "Insanity" video. Anyone who loves cardio, this is an excellent video. I heard they have 3 of the out now. Would love to try them all.

I'm very disappointed that you told me the "Lin" video was staged. That sucks. I like seeing pure & true acts of kindness. Makes me believe there is hope for society.

I'm currently reading the book written by Chris Kyle, American Sniper. So far, so good. Next I will read the other one that was made into a movie, Lone Survivor. Good books are hard to come by in here so when I get the opportunity to read one, I jump at it. You said that 40 grand is not a lot of money these days and it's below the median income. So how do people working at fast food places make it? How do they survive off of 12-15 grand a year? I know I can't survive on 19 cents an hour in here so I try to find more job opportunities as time goes by. I'd work 18 hours a day if I could. So would a lot of others.

As for this new prison, there are only 2 good things about it that's better than the previous one. Private showers and this prison was build with air conditioners. So there will be no more 90+ degree nights in my cell. I am trying my best to remain positive about it. They have an organization here called the S.I.O. (Smithfield Inmate Org.) and they sell ice cream, soda, girl scout cookies, and more stuff to the prisoners and they make donations to various charities throughout the state. The chaplain here worked with me at the last prison so he knows my background of running fundraisers so I was asked to assist the S.I.O. here with their fundraising projects. I also want to try to get a Holy Name Society Org. into this prison. The church is a very powerful tool that you can use to help motivate & change someone. I know, it helped me. Prison changes you. You can become a better person, or you can get worse. I was never a good person so I chose to be someone better. Every son has the desire to make their mom proud of them. I help people as much as possible, charity fundraising events, whatever I can in order to do something good so I can make my mom feel a tiny bit proud of me. I can't fix the wrongs I've committed in my life but I learn from them & try my absolute best to be a better man.

No, I won't have a cell mate. I decided when I came to prison for this crime that I will never live with another person again. I am single cell status. No, the canteen (they call it commissary, means the same though)it's the same in every prison now. The PA D.O.C. decide to give the contract to themselves in order to make millions more. Years ago, small businesses in the surrounding communities would supply the prisons with whatever they were selling. Then they cut out the small business owners & gave the business to their own people. If you're gonna over charge me & rip my family off, at least use the money for charity or to help someone, no just line the pockets of the already rich.

Anyway, life goes on I guess. Thank you for your comments. It's okay for people to hate me, dislike me, whatever. You can't hate everyone in prison, some of them have done all they can to earn a 2nd chance.

My final comment is for the Youtube prankster Lin. You suck bro. Ruined my freaking day with that scam.

Take care & God bless. Time for work. Ciao.