March 9, 2016
by John M Connelly
This post is in reply to comments on:  And What thumbnail
And What
(Oct. 19, 2011)

Transcription

Reply ID: t4p4

Afterthought with many details, better left in the past. Pros and cons, culpability expected, back when I get my ex-wife, whom I recently referred to as a black widow. I, like her, was a pretty broken individual and, of this writing, apologize for my recent display at disparaging dialogue. Kinda found for me a few more chinks in my armor.

She was a nice, giving person, and I'm sure she still is. So we're both taking jabs at each other? Good sign? Naww. And I'm truly sorry and feel deeply for her, that she hasn't found a way out of her hell.

As displayed by my quickdraw, although true response, I, myself, am working through issues. That goes also "post" Tamara in my life and after. I have indeed moved on.

I do have very loving children, four. Two stepsons working their way through life. And two daughters, ditto, without a father at hand. But in heart has proven almost not enough. Trust and believe, dear ones, I am aware of the pain and anguish and devastation I have wrought in my youth. As I earlier stated, I do not approve of that for which I have been guilty of. And I write on. :)

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tamera Posted 3 years, 7 months ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years, 7 months ago   Favorite
Ty for apoligizing. And I think if I read it right you acknowledged that you cared.

I did not live my life on welfare. I went to college got three degrees and maintained a 3.8 gpa. I am not a drunk.or addict. I am not religious but very spiritual. Only thing I.am addicted to is tattoos. The first was our broken bleeding winged heart moon.sun heart, the I use to draw. With Jacko written underneath. The only name I have on my.body. The most recent in progess is a large Phoenix ( my nickname now)

You have been in my life all these yrs. Because one I did love you so deeply that no one has come close to the actial love I had with you. But I also have hated you more then anyone ever. For what you did to me (physically) , to shawn, to our life and to what should of been our child.I am totally at a loss of why you have held my heart all these yrs even though the hurt was so severe I have never been through worse.

I guess it ironic, you told me when I served you with the divorce that no matter what I would always be your wife. Your curse to me. I have loved others and have love for other men but it has just never been as intense.

I am working on letting go of all the negative things in my past. I wish I could only remember the love between us. But ...... The surgeries I have had to go through because of the damage. And the fact that I still feel the loss of our child. Makes it hard.

Question do you ever think about the fact that there should be a very beautiful person out there, that was ours?' Has our baby ever crossed your mind? Have you ever felt quilty for kicking me in the stomach.that day? For our loss? We both wanted that child so much and were so happy, yet in one angry move our child was killed? No longer having a chance to ever walk this earth. And because of the physical loss and damage that happened to me, I was never able to have another child.

But I would be more at peace if our child that should of been born, was here where they should be .He/she should of given us grandchildren by now. Boy we would of had a beautiful child.

Have I and our child and Shawn ever crossed your mind and made you think.what could of been, what should of been?

tamera Posted 3 years, 7 months ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years, 7 months ago   Favorite
I hope to one day to unite with our childs spirit on the other side. Remember our song. Kinda ironic. Dont worry I m not a stalker. I m moving forward always to be better.
Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
And you're never coming round

Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
Of listening to the sound of my tears

Every now and then
I get a little bit nervous
That the best of all the years have gone by

Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
And then I see the look in your eyes
(Turn Around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
(Turn Around, bright eyes)
Every now and then
I fall apart
Every now and then
I get a little bit restless
And I dream of something wild
(Turn around)
Every now and then
I get a little bit helpless
And I'm lying like a child in your arms
(Turn around)
Every now and then
I get a little bit angry
And I know I've got to get out and cry
(Turn around)
Every now and then
I get a little bit terrified
But then I see the look in your eyes
(Turn Around, bright eyes)
Every now and then
I fall apart
Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then
I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
(All of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time
I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Every now and then
I know you'll never be the boy
You always wanted to be
(Turn around)
But every now and then
I know you'll always be the only boy
Who wanted me the way that I am
(Turn around)
Every now and then
I know there's no one in the universe
As magical and wondrous as you
(Turn around)
Every now and then
I know there's nothing any better
There's nothing that I just wouldn't do
(Turn Around, bright eyes)
Every now and then I fall apart
need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
(All of the time)
I don't know what to do
I'm always in the dark
Living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was
I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heartOnce upon a time
I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling a

John M Connelly Posted 3 years, 1 month ago.   Favorite
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