Reply ID 96V9
Hi.
Yea, the Amoco was a long time ago for sure. 90-94 I believe. It sounds as if we were friends at some point. I apologize to you for my actions hurting you. I've hurt a great deal of people, from the victim, family and friends, to people in the community that knew me. Plus I've hurt everyone my co-defendant knew/knows and countless others. Some of the hurt will never go away, and for that I am terribly sorry. It cannot be undone. I can only pray for healing for everyone that I have harmed.
As far as "where is your remorse"... of course I am remorseful. You have no idea. The reason that I talk about myself, my time, interests, etc. is because that's what this blog is for! It's something for my family/friends to get to know me now. I was actually going to write about it in the beginning of having this blog but thought better of it. I do not discuss the scope of my crime on here because it is not only my story to tell. B- is almost a teenager now and one day someone is going to tell him what occurred. Or he may look me up and find this blog. I have no right to discuss him, my crime, my remorse or anything else like that. None. To do so would be wrong.
I do however discuss sentence discrepancies, prison politics, health issues, etc. about myself and others. I try not to get too personal since I make it a point not to judge others. Sometimes I vent about disparity, which may be a bad idea since someone (you) found it offensive. My goal was to show how some people who seem destined to recidivism by their actions are getting time off right and left. (With the new Johnson Law, it now includes some violent felonies) Those who have actually received therapy and utilized programs do not. That was my goal. Obviously I missed the mark.
Maybe you're right. Maybe my sentencing was harsher because of Karma. Laws of attraction. Vengeance. All that is a possibility. Plus there are other, completely unrelated in nature, crimes I have committed and not been prosecuted for. Deferred payment possibly. Hanging out with a sex offender was pretty stupid and in hindsight reflects profoundly poor judgement. I was not one myself before we got together, as I have no attraction to children. My attraction was to him and to keep him at all costs. (clearly). No, I was not always a bad person. That started on May 5, 2005. I cannot discuss that either since that day involved more than myself. I had a stroke and my mental health deteriorated along with my physical health soon thereafter.
I cannot change who I was during those few years or all of the different things I've done. Lying, cheating, stealing, the crime that I am here in prison for, serious drug abuse, and hatefulness - just to name a few. What can I do to make ammends? Absolutely nothing. What I can and have done is changed who I am today. It's been a process and I consider everyday a gift and a fresh start at life. People who have known me my whole life (i.e. my dad) notices and enjoys the difference. So, for me, this blog is about sharing those differences.
Again, I apologize for any pain I have caused you. Please don't allow your experience with me tarnish any future friendships with wondering if that person is ill. I believe, as a whole, most people are generally good. Plus, we all choose our own paths and those paths can change.
May God richly bless you,