An Early Happy Birthday to my Daughter

Sept. 16, 2016: 4:00am: Listening to: Chimneys by: Hillary Jane

Dear Krista,
Happy birthday beautiful. I know I'm a month early but I don't have an address for you so I don't know where to send a card. I'm sorry that I haven't been a good dad. I'm sorry that I continue to make mistakes but I pray that you can forgive me. I love you, I want nothing but for you to have an amazing life. I will do anything for you Krista. When I compare you to your mom, I do not mean it in a bad way. I don't ever mean to hurt you or make you feel less. If anyone is less, it's me. I've really grown up & changed in the last few years but none of what I do takes away that I was never there for you except birthdays & Christmas. I would close my eyes every birthday & Christmas & imagine you opening all the presents our family & my friends sent to you.
I missed out on every special moment of your life, I don't want to miss anymore Krista. I fell in love with you from the moment I first held you. I looked into our big brown eyes, you were so nervous & shy, but you had such a beautiful smile on your little face. It melted my heart. I still have the 2 photo's we took hanging on my wall. I wish you were closer. I wish you would talk to your Uncle JJ & ask him to let you move in with him. He would take great care of you. & I know baby Lucy, she's 4 now, would love to have her big cousin there with her. You'd be so close to Grandmom & me. We don't know how much time Grandmom has left but she loves you so much. She asked me if I had an address for you but I said no. She is worried that she can't send you a birthday card. She is dying & she is worried about sending you a birthday card. She loves you kid. Please call her. I can't call you. I have no money & when they moved me from one side of the jail to the other, they took my job from me. But I can write. I love you, I miss your letters. I still have some of your homework that your mom sent me when you were little. You have my address, please write me kid. I haven't seen a photo of you since Hannah made it so Grandmom & Uncle JJ could come visit you, that was 2 years ago.
If I don't get an address for you then I say this, I love you Krista, with all of my heart, I miss you terribly. Since you left my life & Grandmom got cancer, I haven't slept a full night in over 2 years. All I do is worry about you's. I'll be 40 in November & I have so much gray & silver hair now it's not even funny. I love you Angel, I miss you & I would love to be your friend. I know I haven't been a good dad, I never learned how, but I promise to never judge you, to be there for you whenever you need me, to love you, no matter what, forever.
I hope you have a very happy 19th birthday, I hope that you will write me. I know cold it gets out there, stay warm, stay safe & know that your dad loves you & is aching to hear from you. Buon compleanno.

Ti amo per sempre,
Dad