THE NORFOLK CHRONICLES
by Timothy J. Muise
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- REESE THE FLEECE. KEEPS ON WEEPING / G.I.D. PROGRAM APPROVED
[Photo of a box of "Carefree ACTI-FRESH LINERS"]

Well the Bad Electrician, Bobby "Reese The Fleece", has been weeping quite loudly about his new found fame here at Free Speech Central. The salary thief himself was ranting and raving down in the maintenance office about us posting his $89,703.92 blood money salary of 2016 on the ole free speech highway; too bad Bobby - stop your con hating. In order to satiate this sparky with a brown-badge, the DOC is allowing him to enter into the new employee Gender Identity Mediation Program (GIMP) and we here at Free Speech Central would like to donate Bobby's first box of feminine napkins on the house. This may help him the next time he has to install an FM antenna system twice or when he complains about cons getting work which costs him overtime. Our "mole" in the know will keep us posted on all The Fleece's antics up until the time he issues a "mea culpa" on all his con hating!

- DEPUTY TEE BONE WILL BE "RUNNIN' WILD" ON SUGAR SALES
[Photo of wrestler Hulk Hogan in a wrestling ring, ripping open a T-shirt reading "Tee-Bone"]

Our information is that deputy Tee Bone plans on implementing a "sweets ban" here at NorfolkWorld in an attempt to thwart the flow of homebrew here at the walled barroom. We are sad to have to inform the deputy that the sugar ain't the problem. The problem is that all the restrictive policies here at WallyWorld have turned men away from positive pro-social activities and created a whole legion of addicts and alcoholics. This administration does all within its power to treat men as less than, to strip their dignity and diminish self-esteem, then the deputy wants to pull a "Tee-BoneManiac" move by calling for the ban on sugar and related items. It seems "Tee-Bone Mania is runnin' wild" and is about as crazy as an outhouse rat: Stop treating addicts like criminals and afford the idle prisoner population some rehabilitation opportunities and you will see change. Bring back the family reunification events and watch the population heal. Implement HVAC, welding, auto repair and other viable job skills programs and lower recidivism. No the plan at WallyWorld is to ban sugar??? Are you fucking kidding me? You got pigs lugging in hundreds of suboxone strips - sold daily throughout the camp - and the recent main focus is on sugar. Watch out for that iceberg Captain Tee Bone as we are headed for disaster!

- ADOLPH COORS WINS BID FOR HOMEBREW SALES
[Photo of a box of Coors beer]

In a bit of financial news here at the prison it has been reported that Adolph Coors Brewing Company has won the bid to install Homebrew Kiosks down in the defunct P-1 Unit. Once the black mold has been eradicated and the hole in the floor where a human being fell through is patched, Coors will move in Citrus Brew tappers and Bavarian Pretzel machines.

- FAKE NEWS SPARKS MASSIVE MANHUNT AT WALLY-WORLD
[Image reading "THE RING OF TRUTH" "?" "WARNING"]

The Super Sleuths at WallyWorld were privy to a bit of fake news, or alternative facts as DOC types like to call it, and engaged in a massive manhunt at the facility. A search party was sent out to ascertain if any live broadcasts were being transmitted from the confines of the gulag. All the latest in law enforcement equipment was used, but to no avail. There just were not any "real" shows taking place; only one fake one! The details just did not have the "ring of truth", but that would never be understood by gestapo members as they are not in the business of the truth. It should though - serve as a warning: NOT EVERYTHING YOU READ WILL BE ACCURATE! We have now started a "Fake News" department here at free speech central and will be running one of our first stories in this chapter. Stay tuned for more information!!

- REESE THANKS CONS, RAGU BUYS CANDYBAR, SCARY SHERRY APPROVES GUEST
[Photo of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson alongside the quote: "I like to use the hard times in the past to motivate me today."]

In an amazing turn of events the Bad Electrician "Reese The Fleece" actually thanked the hard working cons in his department. In an even stranger turn of events our light fingered Captain Ragu actually paid for a snickers bar from 7-11. In what must be reported as the strangest story of the week is that our own Corruptional Medusa, Scary Sherry, actually approved a guest to come in and be a speaker at The Lifers' Group. I have asked that these stories be filed under the "small miracles" category and I would like to thank our new "Fake News Department" for submitting them!

- FREE SPEECH IS WHAT THEY ARE SCARED OF / WHAT AN HONOR

There can be no doubt that it is the Free Speech of the convict that the Department of Corruption fears the most. They know that we know where they have the bodies buried. They know we can fully document their malfeasance and lies. They know that the voice of the informed prisoner can bring them down, can kill the evil goose that is laying their golden eggs, and can drop that bomb of hope on all of the efforts to employ hopelessness. It is an honor to play a role in this process. It is a feather in my cap that the gestapo read my words. I wear it as a badge of honor that I have to take a pinch from time to time to get the story out there. I will never stop = NEVER! This is my dream job and we will carry it out onto the streets!

MORE TO COME...

[Image that reads: "THIS IS MY DREAM JOB. IF YOU CAN GET BY ON NOT MUCH MONEY, IT'S A GREAT LIFE."]

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Ratios of Uniformed Personnel to Prisoners
2016

Hampden Cty. (MA)
(473 Uniformed)
1:2.94

Federal Prisons
1:10

State Prisons
1:4.9

County Jails
1:3

MA DOC
(3,905 Uniformed)
(10,175 Prisoners)
1:2.6

SOURCES: MA DOC Figures from the DOC institutional Fact Cards - July 2016
All Others from The Republican - 9/2/16 at C1 & C2

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Lifer's Group Inc
February 7, 2017 | General Meeting

6:15 - Doors Close: Call to Order (JK), Welcome/Thought of the Day (RM)

6:20 - Lifers' Business: Previous Meetings Minutes (RR), Treasurer's Report (MR)

6:25 - Chairman's Report (GH), Update of Lifers' Group Inc Activities, Correspondence Report, Other New

6:30 - Research Reports: Presentation on DOC Employee Expenses (GH)

6:40 - Advocacy Update 1 (TM)

6:45 - Advocacy Update 2: Emancipation Initiative - Making Connections for Parole - Derrick Washington

6:50 - Legislative Survey / From the Courts: Weaver at the Supreme Court (DG)

7:00 - News, Notes and Tidbits (JK)

7:05 - NIC Update (X)

7:10 - Open Discussion (GH)

7:15 - Closing Thought / Motion to Adjourn (GH), Thank you's and meeting wrap up

Next Meeting is January 21, 2017