Reply ID: xtar
8/14/17

Dear Rita,

Hi, how are you? I hope great.

I am having one heck of a week. I have been talking to politicians who were interested in coming to this prison to meet with us lifers as a special event that we lifers pay for and sponsor, but I was outvoted 4-1 by the lifers' organization to not do it this year.

I am very upset by it but more importantly, I am furious at my family. Someone at the hospital put my mom on hospice care. They had her taken off of all of her painkillers, and she was just given a prescription for regular Tylenol. My mom is dying of cancer and they want to save pennies. She is in pain and the Tylenol does not help. I feel like such a failure that I cannot help my own parents and none of my siblings are bothering to help either.

When my mom has severe panic attack and cannot breathe, my dad calls for an ambulance. But now the hospital has instructed the private ambulance company not to respond to my mother's house anymore. This cannot be legal or right. My mom does not want to die. She wants to keep fighting, but the hospital put her on hospice care and that's basically a death watch. My heart is breaking and my family doesn't even seem to care. I'm not losing one parent, I'm losing both. And it's destroying me.

Yes, you can write me an actual letter but my correct address is:

Robert Pezzeca #DX1148
SCI Dallas
1000 Follies Road
Dallas, Pennsylvania 18612

You would have to put your name and return address on the envelope (no abbreviations), and the envelop must be white. No stickers, glue, or tape. Nothing can be in or on a latter. Okay, they have strange rules here.

Sorry I haven't been in touch in a while. My life is so stressful, and I ma on edge.

I heard from Melanie today and she said that you had been in touch wit her. I am trying to be the best version of myself that I can be, but it certainly is difficult.

Well, next month will be a busy and exciting one for you. I hope you have an amazing trip seeing your family in California and then to see your George. I will pray for a great trip for you.

My friend AJ brought me a music player when he went home. I am very grateful for it, and I can listen to music every day for hours and not get tired of it. George is lucky. In my prison, we are not allowed to receive drawings or any artwork in the mail. Your kids can't even paint you a picture. They will not let you have it. My friend Sonja tried to teach me some Dutch many years ago. We have lost touch, but I still think of her and I had hoped to find my old friend again. But I sent a letter and nothing, so I guess I lost my friend. She has a busy life so I guess I can understand.

In here, it is rare to see people help each other out. Most guys in here are so poor, they just don't see past making money to survive. Prison is not free or cheap. It is expensive, and we make $0.19 an hour of work. Not enough for anyone to live on.

My parents just bought me a new TV. They are both dying of cancer, and they wanted nothing but to buy me a new TV so I wouldn't go crazy staring at a wall 16 hours a day. I just wish I could do more for them. I feel like more of a failure than I already am to them. I have so many regrets and I just want to change and make everything better again, but I can't. The damage is done I guess. But I do not want to be defined or judged by my worst mistake.

I stopped speaking to my brother. Our mom was complaining that the hospital put her on hospice and they took her off of all the painkillers that numbed her aching body. He told our mom to stop whining about it. Really. That's how you feel about our mom who is in constant pain and dying of leukemia? That's it for me. I quit. I have no siblings anymore.

You are going to love Leslie's new puppy. We have a bunch of black labs and one yellow lab in here, and I love them all!

No words from my daughter. She continues to ignore me and her dying grandparents. They never did anything wrong to her. But she is focused on her life and nothing else, so she will regret this in the future and there is no fixing it.

I am sure that learning a new language is a lot easier if you can hear how the words sound. In here, only Spanish and English are spoken.

I had work off today so I got a lot done. I did some letters and I am working on my final appeal. My lawyer was a criminal herself while doing my trial. This is not allowed, so I am fighting back. I am guilty of killing my victim. But I did not plan it and I did not want it to happen. I don't know if I ever deserve to get out, but I am not who I once was. I am not that kid anymore.

Anyone reading this, I invite you to go to a new site and check it out: www.fossilsandfeathers.org. As my friend, Dave, said in his story, I am submitting today for the site: The Human Spirit is Capable of Great Change. We all change and I have too.

Take very good care of yourself, Rita. I look froward to your next response. God bless, my friend. Ciao.