Reply ID: up4h

Credence
by Roland Stoecker

Light
and
Darkness
Dance
upon
the
faces
of
humans
looking
up
towards
the
heavens
wondering
why
God
left
them
with
souls
that
burst
and
shatter
like
shooting
stars.

Kyla, thank you for your sincere letter. I respect you for your courage in claiming your depression because, by doing so, you "I" take away it's dangerous desire to destroy.

One of the key components of depression is feeling unimportant and I suffered from this my whole life. At times, I felt that the only reason why I was even born was to make other people happy. And yet I was sad and broken inside. I had little to no self-esteem growing up and as a man because of the deep chasm I felt. I turned to drugs and alcohol to fill that void. I felt even more empty and unimportant.

Sobriety and liking and eventually beginning to love myself helped with my depression. I've been on medication to help with my depression, but it didn't take away my malady, just covered it up with a soft and comfortable blanket. But over time, the blanket would become coarse and threadbare. I learned to see/feel the symptoms of depression coming and I'd tell myself that I am the man behind the curtain like in the Wizard of Oz. I am the one running the show, not my desire. I no longer take medication and travel from one storm to another, but I'm able to smile and laugh still.

I never heard of xxxtentacian until TMZ covered his senseless murder. It was very sad to see another human being killed for some green paper. His advice to his fans about being whatever or whoever they wanted is so sublimely simple. Don't let others define who you are! I hope that his death will bring about some sort of change in our communities in a positive way. I am sorry you had to be in pain because of others' selfish actions.

Being a correctional counselor will be a blessing and a curse at the same time. Blessing = you will get to help men/women who have lived lives of pain and agony. Imagine being the only one who can speak but everybody around you is deaf. People just want to be heard and acknowledged.

A curse = Most prisoners are still stuck on the merry-go-round at using people and stuck on their addictions. These types of prisoners will take advantage of people if they let them.

Ask yourself why you want to become a correctional counselor. Think about getting involved with at-risk youth. Help them before they become a future client as a correctional counselor.

Can I ask you what caused you to become depressed? How are you getting through your days? What was the last thing to make you smile or laugh?

I'm doing okay, some days are better than others. Today is good. I got my grades from spring semester. All A's. For the summer semester, I am getting A's as well. My GPA is 3.5. Who would have thought the class clown would actually grow up to enjoy school. Man, I would have done great in college on the streets, and classmates would include girls instead of men who think they're women. I have plans on getting my BA when I get out, so I'll have the possibility of dating a college girl with daddy issues. I'll be 46 by that time.

Well, Kyla, I hope you have a beautiful day and a fantastic life. Please feel free to ask me any questions.

Waiting for you response,
Roland

7/25/18