hyc4
Personal Journal

8-12-18

Human beings have a need to be close to other humans. That's why people marry and have families. In an environment like prison or in the military, we sustain our sense of touch and our emotional connection through our relationships with our brothers. They become our families, people we can talk to, look out for one another. Over the years, I've lost a lot of my brothers through the CA. just wanting to keep moving people around. I get a message from one of them now and then and, once in a while, a letter through family.

Jimmy's going home in a month. I'm happy for him but I'm going to miss him. I worry about him getting back into trouble. After all, I was once him and I didn't learn anything either :)

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8-5-18

There has been smoke filling the air for the last ten days or so, making people like me with COPD stay in inside. But we've still been able to smell the smoke in the dayroom. It has been as if all of California was burning at once. It looks and smells a little better early this morning. I think most of the fires are under control. My heart is open to those who have lost loved ones and their homes.

If it stays like this at yard call (8 AM), I'll go outside for an hour or so. I've really been stare crazy.

My tigana, I got your messages this week. I love you. So few people understand poetry—you get it. A poem is a painting or a combination of paintings using words. When you are reading, a mental picture or image should flash in your mind.

Daylight outside now, and I see no smoke. The news is saying that a light wind is pushing it to the east. The fires are not yet all the way contained, so if the wind dies, we could be back in smoke by evening.

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8-6-18

I've been reading a lot of old National Geographics over the last couple of months. Talk about mental pictures. From the Caribbeans to Venice, to Mars, and the universe. I learned there are animals out there I've never heard of, and I watch PBS almost every day (Red-shanked Dove Languar). :)

♪You do that thing you do that makes me laugh.♫

I watched I Love Country last night. I have noticed there are not a lot of music shows on TV. Not that way many years back. There was always 2~4 variety shows. They've been replaced with reality shows. :(

The air has been clear of smoke here in the morning but walk to dinner. It was thick last night. I guess just to remind us that fires are still burning.

Today is Monday so I'm going over to sign up for some college classes. I'll be happy with anything. Now, what do I want to major in? :)

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There is a high smoke haze this morning almost blocking out the hills beyond the prison. The wind is gone and the smoke has settled down on top of us. Yesterday morning coming back from breakfast, the sun was a blood red through a thick smoke cloud. Everyone is staying inside and coughing as the smoke is in the buildings. My nose is running and my inhalers are working overtime. There's not even a fire within 25 miles of the prison. I have to go back over to the school this morning to get signed up for college classes.

Jimmy's going home in about 30 days. I'm going to mis the kid, as if he were my own grandson. Hey, look at me, look at me. Look, look, look. :) Whenever he's doing something, even trying to dance, always brings a smile to my face. I will especially miss the way he comes into the cell excited to tell me about something he just learned. It makes me smile because it's something I must have learned when I was about his age. I will be sad to see him go, but I will be happy for him. His mother and his sister will be there for him. I hope that's enough.

The only thing I've been doing is reading. Got like two magazines and a book going. A National Geographic, mostly about Mars. A Tavas Monthly all about going on in Tavas. I'm reading The 25 Greatest Baseball Stories Ever Told. The first story was Abbot and Costello's "Who's on first?" And I remember seeing them doing it on TV when I was kid in the '50s. :)

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8/11/18

Things are looking up here in CA, at least at this prison as far as higher education. I went over and filled out an application for admission into three schools. Also filled out for the financial aid, both state and federal, to pay for the tuition and books and whatever. I won't be able to make the fall semester as it starts on the 20th. :) I hope to have all my ducks in a roll for the spring semester.

I'm looking at a Bachelor of Arts in Art right now. I'm looking at the classes I'll have to take and I think I'll really enjoy most of them. :) Drawing, painting, art history. All/most of my credits from my AU will be accepted so the hard classes are mostly done.

California is getting back to believing that the better educated you are, the less likely you will get into crime again. They are right. People grow up in prison. If they get out with a better education and a workable job skill, they have a chance. They do need a little help out there. A change of attitude. By John Q.

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8/12/18

Bad air days they say will last into September. Fires everywhere. The smoke blocks or filters the sun, so it will feel cooler and at times humid as hell.

The number of people with mental illness in jails and prisons is "astronomical". I would say at least half the people here need some kind of mental treatment. Maybe 25% get minimal treatment. Back when I tried to get help, I could see the psychologist every 90 days for an hour. After a year, it was decided I wasn't a threat to them so I was dropped. Nothing. I look at it now as a waste of my time. I still don't know why. I still get depressed easily. I still worry. Today my hands hurt and I feel lost.

Happy birthday, my love. I dream of you every day. As light fills my eyes and your warmth flows from my heart, your smile appears each morning like the sight of the sunrise on the horizon. Enjoy your day, my love. Enjoy all your days and know that, in my heart, I am there with you. Just close your eyes and smile.