Jan. 9, 2019
by Sarah Luedecke (author's profile)


I haven't written anything in a very long time, but yet here I am at it again. I wonder if I can't figure out why things seem to be so inept to me. I wish I would catch a break, do something noteworthy, and find out what I can do to make things seem real.

In my life, I write and write, and try to find solace in the one thing that still makes me human or rather, let's me believe that I m human still. And yet it offers me no relief in this world I reside in currently. I can't help but to reign everything in and try to make the best of the madness around me. It's never my choice to be where I am, and everyone around me wonders why I choose the roads I travel because when I find myself, trying to choose differently those differences are never what pan out for me for the better. I search for things like any other person in life—happiness firstly, and then truth next.

I have endured much loss since my last submission my mom has passed from this life into the way beyond this world. I know not where or any, I only know I will miss her as I always do. I feel like I usually do. My father died with her. He seems a fragment of his former self and, of course, you can never see yourself without seeing yourself. And I see him so very clearly because he exists to me with some bit of foreignness I have never known in him until now...

I wish to rage against the machine I have become and tell him how he makes my heart break at times, or do better than I could be honest to the world about my inner-workings of my heart. But I cannot even cry when I know the moment should call for it. I have a lot of things that are so undetermined within me, I cannot even say that I am a fickle creature or even one of habit. I have routines but nothing so common an occurrence I have committed it to memory in its unrivaled changing, much less the manacles of time that have clamps around even my physical form.

I thought lastly that maybe I should endeavor to write and write and write, and do that which brings me most comfort more than anything, any other thing, that I have not known to this date. Writing is myself. I am good at this and can hide behind the conformity of the words as they flow forth from my mind onto the pages I am working with.

I look forward to another knowing commitment of something, something that God only only knows what can bring me back to life. I lay lifeless, innocence stolen, stealing stored up for melancholic day as tihs one. What is the solution to this problem I see before me...

Problems... millions to speak on, but none so much that they are unresolvable, at best on mediocre when I really actually give them more than just a passing thought. If anyone knows anything good or a person who would take a chance on my writing, send them my way...


To Whom This May Concern:

I am writing to inquire about my most recent submission for posting on your blog website set up on my behalf. I recently sent my manuscript for submission to the blog I have with you, and it was never confirmed whether or not this was received. I apologize if it has been lost and will make another attempt to send it as soon as possible. I hope to hear from you in a timely manner.

Kind Regards,
Sarah Luedecke
1401 State School Road
Gatesville, Texas 76599


Replies (2) Replies feed

Cavak Posted 5 years, 4 months ago. ✓ Mailed 5 years, 3 months ago   Favorite
I'm so sorry that you lost your mother. I can't imagine how you feel and I don't know what to say.

But I will do what I can to give you contact information to some possible publishers for your writing.

In the meantime, there's this that you may use to find a new focus in life. I'll copy and paste everything about it here for you. If you need additional information, I can help send it to you.


PEN America sponsors an annual writing contest for prisoners. Anyone incarcerated in a federal, state, or county prison in the year before the September 1 deadline is eligible to enter. Prizes of $250, $150, and $100 are awarded for first, second, and third place, respectively, in each of the following categories: poetry, fiction, drama, nonfiction and memoir.

PEN’s Prison Writing Contest accepts contest submission between January 1 and September 1 of each year. Winners will be announced the following Spring. Manuscripts should be typewritten and double-spaced whenever possible, or legibly handwritten on 8.5-by-11-inch paper. All submissions should be accompanied by a brief cover letter with the author’s name, identification number, and complete mailing address.

Authors may not submit more than one entry in each category, except in poetry, which has a 20-page limit.

Only unpublished manuscripts will be considered, with the exception of pieces that have appeared in publications for the prison population only. Any subject matter will be considered.

Please be sure to send copies of your work, not the originals. PEN is unable to return manuscripts. Always include a return address. Selected winning entries will be published on PEN’s web site.

PEN Writing Awards for Prisoners
PEN American Center
588 Broadway, Suite 303
New York, NY 10012

Sarah Luedecke Posted 5 years, 2 months ago.   Favorite
(scanned reply – view as blog post)

We will print and mail your reply by . Guidelines

Other posts by this author


Get notifications when new letters or replies are posted!

Posts by Sarah Luedecke: RSS email me
Comments on “Untitled”: RSS email me
Featured posts: RSS email me
All Between the Bars posts: RSS