2-17-19

Dear reader,
Hey! I hope everyone is doing great. But if not, I hope that you are aware of the strength inside of you and that you remain strong enough to endure.

I left off when I was around 10 years old. Around that age, I was living in the Country Club apartment complex. The name changed to The Arbors at some point, and I think it changed back. In those days, it was my oldest brother, my younger brother, and me. We'd got to the park or see what reptiles were living in the woods. Kid stuff. Or we'd hang out with friends. I had four friends at that time.

No one knew what went on behind the door of our home. When I was outside, I was free. No yelling, no getting beaten. True endless freedom.

There was this old lady who lived in the apartment behind mine. I would wait for her to come home whenever I saw that her car was gone. She was always an angel to me. And she'd always need help carrying groceries. After I'd help her with her groceries or what not, she'd give me a piece of candy and offer me some juice. Apple juice every time. I'd sit and she'd talk to me about things in her life. She'd go on and on about stuff that I had no idea about, but I listened intently. I think she just enjoyed having someone to talk to. She was north of 80 years old.

She'd sometimes rent movies for me to watch. Home Alone, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Movies for kids... or adults, really. I'd see her two or three times a week. I met her own kids once or twice. She is a memory of my past I'm happy to have. She was the sweetest person.

Okay, I have a few memories of that time period to share. I was almost killed by... a Dorito! Yeah, that's right. A Dorito chip. It was the first time I saw Superman too. ?:/ :P It was my afterschool snack. Usually my bro and I got a pack of ramen noodles to split. But sometimes, like on this day, We got a sandwich and some chips. We devoured our snack so we could go out and play.

I'm eating, or inhaling, my food and a piece of Dorito got stuck in my throat. My sister, who was about 14 at the time, didn't know what to do. I was on the floor of our kitchen choking. My sister got on the phone and called for help. She opened the front door and stared into the woods. I was facing the same way and could see into the woods too. I was becoming faint and I saw a flash of red. In the woods I saw another flash. Superfast. My sister was watching it too. I thought, "Superman's cape in red!" After a few more lightning quick flashes, he came flying out of the woods!

No, not Superman. ?:/ :) My older brother. He ran so fast I thought he was flying. He snatched me up and did the Heimlich maneuver, and out popped the Dorito.

You know, for a long time, I speculated and wondered if he was a superhero. The mind of a small child... :) Ha!

I don't have a relationship with my older brother. And haven't since I was a child. But I have no bad memories of him at all. He was a good older brother but, of course, had his own life and was gone almost all the time. Hanging with his friends, working on his car... He had this uuuuugly station wagon. :) But you could hear the system he installed in it thumping a mile away.

Anyway, after he saved me from that killer chip, five minutes later, my brother and I were outside going about our day.

This was a good memory too. I'm thankful for my good memories. I have so many bad ones that it can get a little difficult to see them... remember them. I think a lot of people do that. If not all of us. Things can go so wrong in our lives that it's all we focus on. Stressing how to fix this or that, or feeling angry or sad over something that can't be fixed. Because it's in the past.

Why should we ruin our present day or any of the days in our future because of our past? We shouldn't. The past shouldn't have that kind of control over our future. The past is meant for learning. That's what life is. We learn, we live, and hopefully we all learn to live and love.

If there's something in my past that makes me angry or sad, I don't focus on it. I know how I can get so I know it won't help me any.

I want to be happy... don't you? Stop thinking about the bad things in your past and watch how much happier you'll get in your future.

Until next time.