Dear Reader, 7-21-19
Hey. I hope you are doing well!
Today I'm going to share a song with you. I wrote it for my mother. Yes, we've had a very rocky past. But no matter what, I have always loved her and never gave up hope that we would one day develop a genuinely happy mother + son relationship. I started working on this song when I was on lockdown in the Volusia County Branch Jail. Another inmate I was cool with would give me a beat on my door as I sang. I have to give him credit on the first and fourth lines in the chorus, he gave me those words. Shout out to "trig."
Between each line in the chorus is the word "breathe" sung with extreme force and passion, as if kneeling over a dying loved one and trying to evoke their breathing by pouring out my soul in those words.
"I'm Sorry Mama"
I put it on my mama y'all, there was always tears and pain/
And if I was gave the chance, I would try to change everything/
But I'm sittin' here in a cell, face to face with the death penalty/
'Cause I was a problem child, livin' life as a real O.G./
I'd hit the block where I carried fame/And the money came with blood stains/
Gettin' paper with a dangerous cause/Even if it came to throwin' flame/
I'd turn it in on the weekend/Get fresh and roll on out to the club/
Stop by my homie's house and grab a sack/And go ahead and roll it up/
I thought I had what I wanted/Fly ride, big crib, it was nice/
But now all I really want/Is another chance at life/
Lookin' back on what I had/I'll tell you now it wasn't worth ishhh/
I'd have turned it all in/If I'd known it'd turn out like this.
The police brought me home/When I was only 10 years old/
Told my mother I had broke the law/And I was breaking into people's homes/
I remember that look I saw/She was a woman madder than hell/
My mother's intuition/That look was my future foretelled/
She did all she really could/And she'd sit at the table and cry/
But I never seen it/So her pain just passed me by/
She was too strong to let me know/That I was breaking her down/
She stood tall while I broke her heart/Like a queen representing her crown/
So mama I apologize/But how was I supposed to know/
If you would have told me/I wouldn't have been so cold/
Now every time that it rains/Until the day I die
I'll remember your pretty face/'Cause that's what happens when angels cry
I may be at my end/But you know it ain't too late/
For you to see my tears/Screaming sorry all down my face/
And for every one that falls/It's a prayer for you to know/
That every time I broke your heart/Mine now breaks 10 fold/
And if I could buy a wish/I'd pay for it with my soul/
And give you a new heart/Oblivious of sorrow/
But this is what I have/Right here inside my chest/
Here, take it from me/For your pain this is what's best/
There is a certain amount of responsibility that is rightfully placed on parents for who their children become. But where does that responsibility transition to becoming solely on the child I believe it is a process. A child is taught right from wrong until they are able to live on their own. For me, it was when I was 16. That's when sole responsibility of my actions became my own.
Where I am is my own fault. No one else's. I know right from wrong and I chose to live the life that landed me here. Regardless of guilt or innocence, my choice to be somewhere I shouldn't have been is why I'm here.
What happens in our lives is up to us!
#Make better choices.
Until next time.
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