Reply ID: yfaq
12-8-19

Dear Tenzin,

Hey! It's nice to hear from you again! You're right, a peace of mind is what financial stability gives me. As long as my necessities are situated I can relax. Do what I want instead of what I have to.

For example, in here I draw a lot. Not because I want to but because I have to. In order to get bare essentials my prison doesn't give inmates to start with. So, I spend hours on a picture and walk away with enough food for one or two snacks. Or seven-ten hours on art for enough to get a deodorant that'll last me a month. I've lost my passion for it because I have to do it. And well, for such a cheap price.

I have two choices. I choose to take care of myself. But every now and then I'll find a day or two that I can work on something I want to, that art is always so much better I'm enjoying it. And I know the person I give it to will as well.

But yes, whenever I don't have to worry about simple necessities is when I have the peace I aim to acquire. I'm a simple guy. I didn't grow up with money either. My family barely scraped by, and we had government assistance. So, my mental development on the value of money is to spend it on what's necessary.

A $200,000 watch is a crazy waste of money. But it's their money.

I wouldn't even buy a house that's too big. To me, a house is about safety and comfort. If I want a glass of water in the middle of the night, I don't want to walk so long it wakes me up, you know. My one vice if I were rich would be automobiles. I like speed. But even then, I'd be methodical on how I spent money for the. One expensive car, enjoy it for a month or so and trade it in. Swap it out, sell it before the price deteriorates.

Sometimes I think of the what if's of life. What if everyone who was so rich they had more money than they could spend, donated their extra money to a cause like ending starvation, homelessness, or finding or creating a cure for cancer or other diseases. What if, right? :/

Your words remind me of a recent conversation I've had and a book I read, Tao Teaching by Dr. Wayne Dwyer. I think that's the author's name. He had a quote that stuck with me:

"All things change from one day to the next. Therefore, there is nothing to hold on to. By not fearing death there is nothing I cannot achieve."

I hope I quoted that accurately. I understand its meaning and it's clear that you do as well. Moreso than I. This sums up your interpretation---

[Transcriber's note: page is omitted from scans. Transcription will reflect this by continuing on the last page.]

a difference. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Something else you said stands out. "Perhaps death row extended your life in an ironic way." I have echoed that many times in this last decade. And the fact is, you're right. It's not a maybe, it is a probably did extend my life.

All the partying I was doing, the danger I was too comfortable with, it's probable I've lived much longer than I would have if I were free this whole time. And in this time, I've also become someone I don't think I would have become without this struggle. I've matured greatly, morally, intellectually, and spiritually. I like to think that I've become the man I would have become if I had the right upbringing. The man I've always had inside of me but couldn't become because life wasn't about being me. It was being who I had to be.

You've given me a lot of advice in this letter. Thank you. It's worthy of being read many times to acquire this knowledge.

I look forward to hearing from you again! Take care!

Yours truly,
Doug