Date: 5/23/2020 11:49:31 AM Subject: A Talk with God
Evening Or should I say morning know there's no darkness round them parts. Well I'm not fairing very good down here,not sure what's all wrong so I'll just run my mouth n see what comes of it...
Believed I was doing OK U woke me up just in time 4breakfast n blessed the eating of the grits, that always r 1 part grits n 8 parts bran!,n the English muffin,pb n jelly,n apple juice glass of water. Lord knows milk don't do me that good. No offence just saying. Oops 4 got 2 mention the sweetmate. Had 2 add 2! Pray u bless Jose with the I interpretation of the dream he shared with me. Well God after that I even got some word in which helps quiet my heart. Amen Work was cool. Gotta chance 2 finish the UW mask n even start another one. Know this one
gone b 10 times better! So b it! Then I gotta finish the baby blanket b4 my departure, which believe with all my heart will bon or b4 July 15! Let my heart tell it Just hit me what initially pissed me off! Steve! He so disrespectful n his social skills suck! So 2 his work ethic! Pissed me off when he came messing with n rearranging the pile of masks I had neatly arraigned! Wanted 2 tell him,"get the hell outta here. I got this!" But I hid my tongue all in an attempt 2 walk in love by overlooking his indiscretions n not giving him a piece of my mind in front of company! What else? Unit 6 pissed me off 2! Them dudes is loud 4 no damn reason . even when its only like 2 or 3 of em. They b arguing bout nothing constantly. Who can beat up who. Who can do the most push ups, pull ups,squats,laps,etc. Who can get/sleep with what hotbodied celebrity 1st! Who had the most money,most women,most drugs,most tickets.most Ramen Noodles. Got on my nerves so much I wanted 2 blow the whistle like - get out! Rec over! So what I'd short em outta 15minutes! They can argue bout that on the way back 2 the unit! Kinda shook off the anger by the time I hit my cell.
Thanked u 4 answering my prayer regarding if I should go 2 lunch 4 tatertot casserole. U said I could not go. Thanks. Got 2 spend time with myself n determine 2 finish my homework regarding cremation vs burial. Nu even protected me from acting on the onslaught of lustful thoughts Satan tryd 2 murder me with. But then The Noise happened. So notta fan! People just gone make me watch Hobbs n Shaw! Somehow I managed 2 put on my headphones n even dose off. God 4give my tears, its hard 2 sleep in this place. Haven't got more than 5 hours straight since the 10 months I been here. Yikes! My spirit truly is vexed! Feel it all in my stomach, behind my developing 6-pack! Nin
T
between my temples. Even behind my eyes which r sleepy n red hot with a hint of pain. Is that the glaucoma? Did watch the movie on my own n it sucked just like I expected! Should've spent my time more wisely! What a fool I've been. Don't even like TV. Yet I ate a whole sleeve of pb n crackers just 2 make up 4 lunch. Shouldve stopped at half a pack as I felt in my spirit I ate enuff yet in my free will I chose 2 force myself 2 eat the rest. Hello stomach cramps! Blessing was I was able 2 bless Jose with my fish patty, Dale with my tropical fruit n coleslaw, n Joe with the corn n potato soup n 4 saltine crackers! Course I ate the oatmeal raisin cookie. Something bout sugar! N oatmeal. Raisins not so much! Less they covered in chocolate! Smile After this U did bless me with the opportunity 2 overcome in house noise by writing the song UNREMORSEFUL. I like it. Think its missing something but I like it! Smile! If its more 2 b added 2 complete the story please let me know. Amen. By 7:10 u blessed me with a sense of release from prison as I went 4 a walk with U. I didn't do much talking neither did U! Maybe we were both taken aback by the mosquito? Gnat that flew in my mouth within the 1st 2 minutes I was out there! Not sure how he or she tasted but did make me nkeep my mouth closed n repeatedly hack whatever remnant of bug I could spit out! Wish! had brought my water! Next time. Then I seen I still got some grudges 2 let go of! Truth. Was blessed 2 say the hell with day room! Need 2 take this off alone time n read the Bible n pray so b it!
Thank u 4 comforting me during this 45 minute period! I was on a high horse till noise came on the scene! Pissed me right off. Can't get no quiet time in this place! Plus if I wanted 2 watch what they watching I'd turn my TV on! n watch it. The Hunger Games r stupid 2!
Then the one guy pissed me off by interrupting my standing 4 count by telling me some dumb word I didn't ask 4 or are about! Says it means noncommunicable can't he see I'm not trying 2 communicate? Yikes! Y can't people just accept n respect that sometimes I just want 2 b left alone. Left alone 2b quiet. Left alone 2 think. Left alone 2 color. Left alone 2 talk 2 U. Left alone 2write my heart out! Left alone 2 hear. Left alone 2 cry. Left alone 2 plot my successful reentry. Left alone 2 just organize n rearranged my footlocker. Left alone 2 do nothing!!!! Seems no one cares I'm introverted! Everybody want me 2 b extraverted like 99% of the 500 people here! Don't they know I can do without people knowing who I am or my name or my profile! Don't they know I can go days without talking with no sweat off my back!That I'm even OK if they never talk 2 me,especially bout some foolishness. Don't they know that I grew up an island? Don't get me wrong I can deal with people 4 like 2-3hrs a day after that need my space. Specially if its someone I deem Different! Or someone talking bout a lifestyle I want no parts of! Just being honest
I like the tenets of 1st Corinthians 9 in theory but apparently putting them into practice is a whole nother story! I AM A HYPOCRITE Unable 2 become all things 2 all men that I might by some means b used by God 2 save some! Think that's like vers 22 or 24 I'm 2 lazy 2 look it up n the Bible 3 feet away! What does that say bout me? (11:43pm the TVs just turned off lil bit of silence but noise will fill the atmosphere till ...) Prison loves it loud so people sleep with fans on high 2 birth noise 2 abort other noise. I like it quiet when I go 2 sleep yet quiets been MIA since September 11,1997 | adapted 2 the moment but I'm not gone sleep with a fan on when I'm released from this the custody of the state of Wisconsin. Wouldn't mind doing like a 3 day shut in of just silence upon my release. Trust if its in ur will u can make it happen! Just need 2 get my head on str8 n recall what normal life is like. Amen need 2 process. That's what it is. I b pissed cause a bunch of noise has always been unnatural 2. I value silence. Plus when there TVs, music, singers, tablets,conversations yelling, screaming, sounds of wrestling/fighting, inter comes barking orders,peeping, fidgeting all going on at once I personally experience a sensory overload SENSORY OVERLOAD! Yup that's it. Make my head hurt n my heart race God help Know I'm not pleasing 2 u at this very moment Had it up 2 here with males made in Ur divine image. Yup I'm so sick of being round dudes 24/7! Now I know why u created women! Dudes get on my nerves! Tired of their anger aggression, greed,pride,ego, thinking they gods gift 2women n muscles,gluttony,h8, lack of responsibility, lazyness, gossip,poor work ethic,use of the n-word, usuatory outlooks,inability 2 relate,walk talk,testosterone, creation, protein, Judging women by their looks/weight loudness,swag,fabricated story's where they this big superhero, their abandonment of children...their thinking prison is a badge of honor, violence mean mugs, disrespect, selfishness...
12:14am my stomach growling! 6 n a half hours 2 breakfast! Water might do the trick 2 angry 2 sleep though I'm listening 2 midnight gospel or something 2 that effect Tried 2 get the book writing done but like so many times in the past my attempts 2 do nething from my private life in public is always interrupted! God help me with Dale as a divine interruption! Lord knows I need 2 make myself 2 ba listening ear. N I have 2 trust that u will bless me with the undistracted time 2 devote 2 penning myh memoir n other books as I trust time 2 u. Maybe I'm tripping cause I want 2 birth the book already seeing its been 5yrs since started it! Plenty rewrites n now I finally got the perfect voice 4 it. Amen
Hello interview Trust U'll bless me with the appropriate questions n responses. Lord knows I also feel like beasting out n just daily committing time 2 sit in the stall n write the book! What say u? Maybe I need 2 stay up later? Maybe I need 2 put it on hold n PRAY bout my character n seek ur help 2 love those around me who u also created 4 the soul purpose of going 2 heaven Matthew 25:34,35 Maybe I need 2 focus solely on finishing school like I said so I can finish it b4 I exit prison or
shortly thereafter! That's it Amen But God also need 4 u 2 make quiet time 4 me 2 do that less u want me 2 overcome all this gook by studying in the middle of war! Thank U 4 blessing me with an 8:10 am spot in the Reflection Garden on Memorial Day which is also my day off. Blessed the purpose 4 which U ordained 4 me 2 attend.thank u 4 blessing me with those 40-50 minutes of much needed quiet Amen God help me walk in love towards u first n foremost nthen me n then others Otherwise Im a sitting duck 4 failure n hypocrisy Real talk I know nothing of myself Thanks 4 blessing me with Vince number n bringing more old friends back into my life U up 2 something God U also have 2 pick out my Eve cause I'm not smart enuff 2 do it In closing kiss my daughter 4 me n let her know how much I love her n have loved her Its 12:37 N one of us gotta get some sleep! Its me Smile I am we Love ur broken son Antoine