April 7, 2021

Last Days

From Lessons Learned by Antoine Murphy (author's profile)


Date: 3/27/2021 3:55:36 PM
Subject: Last Days

Though I'm going Home,one of these upcoming days! I'm not as happy as I should B or as happy as others expect me 2 b!!!

Here's Y?

I still don't know the EXACT DATE that I GO HOME!!!
so I can't circle a day on my calendar or highlight one in my diary or terll my loved ones "I'll b Home on....!"
Cam't definitively say "Can't wait till ____,then I won't have 2 deal with all that prison entails!
I still have 2 deal with the daily nuances of incarceration like...
bunk beds, 15 minutes phone calls,{ that's constantly interrupted by AI," this call was made from a correctional facility"... "U have 1 minute left!")
still have 2 deal with yelling,screaming,complaining,Inmate.com, power trips,tucking in my shirt,wearing mom jeans,being cold n having cellys who love 2 have the fan on n window open,even in below zero temps (rare NE meet me in the middle!) still have 2 deal with chow n chowhall, n standing count,pride,ego,violence, threats of it,cramped living quarters,no bathroom,privacy,signing in n signing out, dudes,dudes,n more dudes n the mail list!!! (some go out they way 2 check the list 4 U, N seem more excited 2 tell U," Nobody Love U", then "U got mail!" Misery loves company, so it seeks 2 create it....

N all I'm waiting on is the most important piece of mail I'll ever get...

Once I get that my mood will change
this'll b the best rush of excitement!!!
Having that date makes going home more official then its ever been!!!
Means I can deal with the logistics of travel arrangements n figure out how 2 get in the house!!! See my aunti may b at work 4 another 2 hours! by the time I get 2 Racine! So gotta see if I can go 2 her job n pick up the key! or do I sit on the porch till she come home! or do I walk round the town sight seeing! or go 2 a friends house! maybe go 2 the credit union n open an account! maybe go 2 the Workforce Development Center n see what they have 2 offer. Maybe try 2 get a hold of my daughter! Or surprise her at her job!!! (wonder if she'll b working that day?) Maybe I'll go 2 the library n just think n or monkey round on a computer! Maybe set up a Facebook page? Find a clothing manufacturer? Maybe its in my bestest interest 2 wander into a church n just sit there in humble adoration 2 God 4 releasing me.
Sounds like the plan.

Till then I sit here...

sick of the routine
trying 2 get a new 1,but knowing by the time it gets patterned in my physical logistics I'll b home n have 2 get a new one. So woke with reading,writing,n coloring on my mind! Wanted 2 go work out but got 2 lost in logging my dreams of finally being released n stumbling upon prophetic words from others in my dream journal like "U will b home in April!" Spoken 2 me by a celly on December 9,2019 (he meant APril 2020 which was my next parole hearing!) Still what r the odds I'm due 2 b released on or b4 April 13!?!
I'd rather go home 2day!!!
Bored out my mind
planned 4 this moment 4 so long no more planning is left!
only thing left 2 do is... implement
Don't know how 2 be here NEmore...
probably skip lunch...
don't want 2 walk 2 blocks in the rain 4 some Turkey chow mein or the apple crisp or the piece of fruit or the 2 slices of bread or the broccoli or the carton of milk or the glass of water or all the yelling of directives!
Think I'm gone lay down n read my Bible/pray

Pray cause I don't know how 2 do another day in prison

Prison like a marriage U don't want 2 b in,but stay in cause the kids N divorces cost 2 much,so when U not spending all Ur time at work - U grudgingly at "home" going through the motions...

So I'm sitting here in the barracks, going through the motions...
Going through the motions of being black
Going through the motions of being a prisoner
Going through the motions of sleep
Going through the motions of being
Going through the motions of eating
Going through the motions of working out
Going through the motions of tutoring
Going through the motions of here
Going through the motions of ...Love
Going through the motions of ...going through the motions


Replies (3) Replies feed

Sasylily@ Posted 3 years, 2 months ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years, 1 month ago   Favorite
First time I ever heard of blog.i read your story/ letters. I hope you don't mind that I did? I'll definitely pray you find out that realse date. Your right your mood i bet will change. I can't imagine what's it like nor do I ever wanna. I care even not knowing anything about you. Well the little I do made me wanna say your gonna be in my prayers. Don't give up waiting for that date. I'm sure easy said . I mean really who am I. Yes your right no one that matters or no one who can get you that date. I bet you don't wanna go through another day in prison. Heck no one would. You gotta know that you are gonna get a date for release?? You do know that you have a chance for freedom?? Anyways no matter what your in my thoughts. Sasy L

loganm2 Posted 3 years, 2 months ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years, 1 month ago   Favorite
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.

I'm glad to hear that you're getting out soon! I loved reading about all of your plans and considerations for what you'll do once you get out. I hope you find some time to go to church but also to find our daughter, visit friends, and do everything you want.

Conrand Posted 3 years, 1 month ago. ✓ Mailed 3 years, 1 month ago   Favorite
Hello and love in Christ Jesus to a precious Saint!
I was ecstatic to hear the time is, at the very least, getting much closer to your release!!! Hey...I must have hung out with you enough in prison that I am picking up on your unique gift of poetry!!! In case u didn't notice...the last sentence rhymed!
I want to thank you for the BD card! To say it meant an awful lot is to put it mildly. Again, thank you for thinking of me. The past year plus...has been a blur and a challenge. Could you please share the date of your BD with me again?
I was staying in touch, rather infrequent, but at least occasionally with Shirley.
When my phone died along with losing half of my contacts, Shirley being one of them, so I haven't passed your info along yet. I will look for my old phone and see if I can get it charged enough to find her and pass this along.
Ok...so...PLEASE, tell me...have you been released yet? I was going to say...been set free, but the answer to that is a BIG "YES"...FREE, INDEED!!
We have been blessed, in March and April, to have our really dear friends (from back home) come for a visit. You may remember my testimony about Marlene...always with a smile and twinkle in her eye...which...YUK...till I needed to reach out to her. She is part of my testimony. Also, my aunt and uncle just left. They are going to be staying in a town nearby for a couple weeks, though. We are hoping to spend tomorrow with them at that fav vacation spot.
I don't hav er too much to say other than...I pray you will not go "into shock" when you see how much our country (and world) has changed since you were out and about.
Murphy...stay close, very close, to Jesus!! Satan is really roaming about like a lion looking for whomever he can devour!!! People need our Jesus! We are finding that as we go to the streets to hand out Bibles and Bible tracs...ee are rarely told "no". Praise God! Please let me know how you are doing...and if there is anything you want me to pray for.
Bless you, dear one!! Jesus loves you and wants yo continue to use you...GREATLY!!! You were born (and released) for"such a time as this!"
Blessings and love in Christ,

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