Date: 3/27/2021 3:55:36 PM
Subject: Last Days

Though I'm going Home,one of these upcoming days! I'm not as happy as I should B or as happy as others expect me 2 b!!!

Here's Y?

I still don't know the EXACT DATE that I GO HOME!!!
so I can't circle a day on my calendar or highlight one in my diary or terll my loved ones "I'll b Home on....!"
Cam't definitively say "Can't wait till ____,then I won't have 2 deal with all that prison entails!
Yes
I still have 2 deal with the daily nuances of incarceration like...
bunk beds, 15 minutes phone calls,{ that's constantly interrupted by AI," this call was made from a correctional facility"... "U have 1 minute left!")
still have 2 deal with yelling,screaming,complaining,Inmate.com, power trips,tucking in my shirt,wearing mom jeans,being cold n having cellys who love 2 have the fan on n window open,even in below zero temps (rare NE meet me in the middle!) still have 2 deal with chow n chowhall, n standing count,pride,ego,violence, threats of it,cramped living quarters,no bathroom,privacy,signing in n signing out, dudes,dudes,n more dudes n the mail list!!! (some go out they way 2 check the list 4 U, N seem more excited 2 tell U," Nobody Love U", then "U got mail!" Misery loves company, so it seeks 2 create it....

N all I'm waiting on is the most important piece of mail I'll ever get...
MY RELEASE DATE!!!

Once I get that my mood will change
significantly
this'll b the best rush of excitement!!!
Having that date makes going home more official then its ever been!!!
Amen.
Means I can deal with the logistics of travel arrangements n figure out how 2 get in the house!!! See my aunti may b at work 4 another 2 hours! by the time I get 2 Racine! So gotta see if I can go 2 her job n pick up the key! or do I sit on the porch till she come home! or do I walk round the town sight seeing! or go 2 a friends house! maybe go 2 the credit union n open an account! maybe go 2 the Workforce Development Center n see what they have 2 offer. Maybe try 2 get a hold of my daughter! Or surprise her at her job!!! (wonder if she'll b working that day?) Maybe I'll go 2 the library n just think n or monkey round on a computer! Maybe set up a Facebook page? Find a clothing manufacturer? Maybe its in my bestest interest 2 wander into a church n just sit there in humble adoration 2 God 4 releasing me.
Sounds like the plan.

Till then I sit here...

sick of the routine
trying 2 get a new 1,but knowing by the time it gets patterned in my physical logistics I'll b home n have 2 get a new one. So woke with reading,writing,n coloring on my mind! Wanted 2 go work out but got 2 lost in logging my dreams of finally being released n stumbling upon prophetic words from others in my dream journal like "U will b home in April!" Spoken 2 me by a celly on December 9,2019 (he meant APril 2020 which was my next parole hearing!) Still what r the odds I'm due 2 b released on or b4 April 13!?!
I'd rather go home 2day!!!
:)
Bored out my mind
planned 4 this moment 4 so long no more planning is left!
only thing left 2 do is... implement
Don't know how 2 be here NEmore...
probably skip lunch...
don't want 2 walk 2 blocks in the rain 4 some Turkey chow mein or the apple crisp or the piece of fruit or the 2 slices of bread or the broccoli or the carton of milk or the glass of water or all the yelling of directives!
Think I'm gone lay down n read my Bible/pray

Pray cause I don't know how 2 do another day in prison

N
Prison like a marriage U don't want 2 b in,but stay in cause the kids N divorces cost 2 much,so when U not spending all Ur time at work - U grudgingly at "home" going through the motions...

So I'm sitting here in the barracks, going through the motions...
Going through the motions of being black
Going through the motions of being a prisoner
Going through the motions of sleep
Going through the motions of being
Going through the motions of eating
Going through the motions of working out
Going through the motions of tutoring
Going through the motions of here
Going through the motions of ...Love
Going through the motions of ...going through the motions