2/20/2012
Monday

A Hot Shower!
A real blessing to be thankful about. If I manage to get a hot shower once a week, I count that as a good week.

Unlike the military, 80% of the men in prison look out only for themselves. The prison environment encourages this kind of selfishness. Then after three, five, or ten years, a man goes home and somehow we believe he will be a law-abiding citizen and a model to his children and community.

There are water heaters for the showers, but they are so small that only the first three guys get an actual "hot" shower. Normally, the five-eight men who work in the house as "porters", or trustees, or workers get dibs on the showers in the morning prior to everyone else getting out at 8 AM. And that's okay, it's a perk of the job.

What gets me is the prima donnas. A guy will burn up all the hot water for his own 20-45 minutes. What a waste... What a selfish attitude. It's not worth fighting over.

For me, personally, I'm a grown man and could care less if the water is cold. Who doesn't enjoy a hot shower! But it's not more important than staying clean. I love it when a guy I know is selfish ask, "How's the water?" And I'll respond with something like, "It's on the cool side, but a grown man wouldn't mind."

I'd like to think I'm doing my part to help some of these guys to grow up.

I live in a "workers" house, so day to day, life is better than more than 50% of the prison. If you're not working or going to school or participating in the drug abuse program (about 200 men out of 1,800), then you're stuck dealing with a lot of bored, misguided, rebellious men.

The Illinois system is set up with more strict levels of prisons as a way to maintain control. If you can't get along here or obey the rules (like a 40-year-old man who can't tuck his shirt into his pants or instigates fights just for entertainment or steals everything he can just because), they ship you to worse and worse locations. Where violence is the norm (gladiator schools, we call them), a shower once a week in a locked cage, where you have to press a button every 30 seconds to get "cold" water only.

One thing I've seen firsthand in prison that I didn't see often in the world is the amazing changes and power of God's love and grace. When you lose any control of your day-to-day life, everyone you called friends, family, or church family disappear like you've become a zombie on the Walking Dead and your future dating prospects just climbed on board the Titanic.

Yet in the midst of this mess, a man who truly desires to change for the better comes to learn forgiveness, hope, and mercy. In prison, you can't fake your faith for very long. Each day, you're attacked, ridiculed, or tempted, and willpower gets you only so far. True peace and joy only comes supernaturally.

Trying to identify and heal my own brokenness is proving to be a challenge. I'm grateful to so many friends and family who have walked with me in this mess. Each letter and story shared, every gift, is an encouragement to have hope and believe that there is a promising future. There is a little to none real help for healing to be found in prison. In the world, you can find resolution in a few weeks or moths of meeting a therapist or doctor, attending a self-help seminar, or A.A./N.A type group. In prison, you might get one nugget of useful help in 6-9 months of continuous effort. The environment is designed to do nothing but play cards and workout. Such a waste of human potential.

I'm trying hard not to be negative, but to be grateful and thankful for the small, daily blessings. A bitter, negative attitude only leads to more anger, hatred, and violence. There's plenty of that in here already. For more than 10 years, I tried so hard to break away from a violent life of the military.

I know a couple of guys who work in the industry area. They build and repair wood furniture. It's one of the best jobs to have in the camp. There's always haters who give those guys grief. Just jealousy really, and that often leads to vicious rumors which spread fast in this soap opera. So for fun, I started to ask them, "How is the work going on those squirrel elevators?" I always say it in a public place like the chow hall or library. Now I'm just waiting to see how long it takes to work its way through the rumor mill and get back to the industry area. I hope it gives them something to laugh about.

I don't know who sent the magazines (Popular Science, Spin, Men's Health, Men's Fitness, Forbes, World, Nat. Geo., Reader's Digest), but thank you so much. I share them with a lot of men and give them to our library. It's a real blessing, thanks again.

David